Woo, Portland is back up!


portlands working again everyone, I can finaly post more images!

From the Hollywood Premakes challenge. See all 601 entries (closed)

(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:02, archived)

I can't see it though..
so are you sure ?
( Darryn.R www.themoononline.com, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)

I hate to disappoint you*

*Who am I kidding?
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)

god, gimiie a few seconds to get my code right will ya!
:( Boo
(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)

Right
I can see it now. However, I feel compelled to ask you: What the fuck are you banging on about?
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:06, archived)

Wait, it's like an old type of gun or something,
and a challenge entry. Okay, I think I see where you coming from.

Put your cock away.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)

bb is american
for something to do with guns for children I think.

Americans think children should have guns you see.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)

I think children should have gnus.
Lots of gnus.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:09, archived)

gnus
don't kill

zzzz.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:10, archived)

except the ones
on the gnu deck?
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

what about a monkey with a gun?

( weekendsession, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

What about
err

Monkey tennis
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

I'm Monkboy
and I have a gun (or 3)
( Monkboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

What about
gnus?
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)

BB
bb is shorted verion of ball bearing...

yes, there is a "BB gun" they fire little plastic versions of these....


(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 18:06, archived)

That's what
preview is for.


/pot.
( NobbyNobody, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:06, archived)

TJ
I'm going to drink now...take care y'all
( Roxy_Hart is taking advantage of you all, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)

happy drinking!

( DoctorGonzo should be more drunk, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)

drink drink drink

( stevierar, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:05, archived)

I've been wondering who this TJ person was
...just worked it out!

I'll get me coat
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:07, archived)

it's not unusual

( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)

what's new pussycat?

( Spoon, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:10, archived)

Why, why, why Delilah?

( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)

its
that thing thats not quite a redex but it doesn't work properly

edit: yay I can see it now
( freakimus, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)

I can see it
I don't have the slightest idea what it's about but I can see it
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:05, archived)

Yep
utter twaddle to me too.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:07, archived)

and me
maybe it's a bloke thing.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)

Nah, think
it's more likely to be a crap thing.
Edit - and were you just calling Pootle a girl there?
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:09, archived)

oh well

( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)

Does
it happen a lot, then?
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)

Second time today
(that I've seen).
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)

Yes
I have noticed some people have problems with gender on here.

;)
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)

I've tried to make it
easy for people to tell what gender I am :)
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)

me too,
but I'm thinking of changing to a neutral one.
Keeps the trolls off a bit.
( MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)

I don't think
my profile is too confusing on the matter either.
:)
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:22, archived)

Still got that
Dolphin pic as my wallpaper.
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)

Woo!
The one in the bowl, or the one in the sea?
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)

Dolphin in bowl
goldfish in you like bag.
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:32, archived)

What do I care?
I like them both and I'm especially happy that someone liked one enough to use as a wallpaper.
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)

Yay

( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)

I thought it was
pretty obvious with me too, but last week Baz seemed to be confused.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

What, by sleeping with them?

( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)

on occasion
:)
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)

Bah, you're shameless!
I'm going to stop trying to wind you up.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)

I'm quite sure
I don't know what you mean...
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

:D
I still laugh about it now.

Classic
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)

Glad to hear it.
My outburst at Amerella is still my favourite conversational gambit from that night.
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

I'm surprised you remember...
:D
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)

It's
the only thing I do remember saying to her.
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

Oh dear.
Well, maybe Pootle ought to try posting gruff manly kinda posts - you know, football and girls and beer and norks and stuff.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)

GRRRRR
I saw a loverly set o' norks when I left the rub a dub dub on the way to the footy.
I'd have given her one, and her mate, she was gagging for it
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

There you go!
Now, that wasn't so hard difficult - was it?

Grrr, you're such a man!
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)

Heh heh heh

( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)

now I've just got to learn
how to swagger like my football sized gonads are at risk of bruising my knees
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)

And don't
forget to spit.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

ooh you're very good at this
you'd probably make a better man than me, anyway
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:30, archived)

*shudders*
What an awful thought. I am glad to say, I do not suffer from penis envy.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)

it does
Dutchbird thought I was a girl for a while.
(This was before she met me)
Then I am not the most macho of men
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)

You're in touch with your feminine side.
Girls like that. As long as you don't wear their clothes.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)

some of them
don't mind a bit of cross dressing, it's when you ladder their tights, there trouble
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

And you know
you'll never fit your feet into their best pair of heels.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

who need their
heels?
The girls who go out with me only seem to wear flat shoes
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)

That's because you're only 4'8"
It'd be cruel.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

Why?
Why? I just don't understand - why?
High heeled pointy girly shoes are the BEST. 1000% FACT
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)

yes
for a long time, I'd only ever wear boots, that had decent cuban heels.
But you can only buy shoes like that from 'specialist' shops now
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)

i feel your pain
it's a bugger gettin' a decent cuban heel now, innit
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

oooh I have a lovely pair
of cuban-heel mules I got from a shop on Kings Road - I'm sure they'd do your size....
oh, you didn't mean it like that, did you?
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:33, archived)

almost
but not quite
and i doubt they'd do a size 10 anyway
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)

I don't really do mules
but actually I do need to get some more, as all my shoes are dying, I've been forced to wear trainers for the first time in 10 years
edit: Anyway enough, I'm off home, see some of you in hopefully less than an hour
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)

Well, obviously
it's a pair of 14-hole DMs for you then - noone would ever call you a girl wearing those!
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:41, archived)

no
they would think I was gay
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:42, archived)

Ah yes,
there's the cheerful, optimistic Pootle we know and love.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:45, archived)

they're okay, but not the best
I hate to be significantly taller than my bloke.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:31, archived)

get a taller bloke
it's the only sensible answer
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:33, archived)

Well, seeing as I'm
only 5'2", it's not that much of a challenge for me to find a taller bloke.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)

was the original pootle
a girl?
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)

I didn't think so
to be honest it's hard to sex a prepubescent flump.
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)

yeah
but baz and sunshine elephant would be happy to try
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)

no
pootle is dutchbird's bloke. But you are a girl... aren't you?
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)

Last time I looked.

( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)

Check again.

( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)

Tee hee
*looks down*
Nope, all as usual, norks still there.
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:14, archived)

( Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)

Are you sure?
Maybe you should touch them...
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)

i pop away for half an hour and you're all grooming again? i always miss the fun
( new_matt, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

Oh, okay then, I'll just give them
a quick feel then, shall I?
( MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

*grunts*

( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

Put your hands on your desk
where we can see them
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)

i don't get it.
but my penis is hardly.
( Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)

hardly a....
....penis?
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

Well
Once I could see it, I got it and thought it good - woo!
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)

I've got to be
Best Man at a wedding on Friday.

I want you to be my speech writing bitches.

Write me speech please.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)

Just learn to do
"The Elephant Trick" with your cock.
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)

My pockets
aren't deep enough so it's out of proportion.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:14, archived)

When I first met Bob
at the clinic...

That sort of thing?
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)

How did
you know that?
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)

Well
it's usually that or meeting at a Dwarfs convention in Soho.
And you didn't seen the type.

How wrong could a person be?
( Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)

'what a wonderful couple,
aren't they beautiful?'
( Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)

Yes but its patently not true

( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)

"Unaccustomed as I am to pubic squeaking,
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM"

Carry on for as long as necessary.
( MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)

I've known X for (however long)
but I was still surprised and honoured when he asked me to be his best man...


I remember when X and (bride) met... (anecdote about shyness of one or the other)

I would like to propose a toast, to the bride and groom.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)

Very good
I did a similar one to that at his first wedding.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)

Give the same speech as before, then.
Remember to get the bride's name wrong once or twice.
( MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)

In that case you should probably start with
"Is anyone else getting a sense of déjà vu?"
( Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

Ha ha ha!
That has actually made me laugh out loud.
( Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)

for fucks sake
do NOT under any circumstances refer to his previous marriage in your speech.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

How about
the woman he lived with before that. She was a fat ugly little inbred troll. Plenty of anecdote material there.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)

only if it's really bloody funny
the bride does not want to be thinking about her new husband's previous ladies. Even in a "god they were ugly" context.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

Well I was thinking of developing
it into a thread of a (long) list of ugly miseries culminating in the one he got up the duff (current).
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)

don't forget
to say how pretty the bridesmaids look, and avoid using the words tart, slut, bitch, clap, tosser or cunt and you won't go far wrong
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

How about this?
The bridesmaids. Two of them look stunning and the other has scrubbed up not too badly considering. And if you were to ask me, I would, I wouldn't and I have in that order.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:32, archived)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
perfect, then go on to discuss the relative merits of the bride and groom's mums, specifically which one you'd let give you head, then do a homoerotic bit about the dads. After all that, I'll be happy to give you a lift home from casualty
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:39, archived)

was your speech at the first wedding
video'd?

just play it back but overdub the name change
(vork and burlap, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)

That's good.
And cast aspersions on the groom's personal hygiene.
( MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)

Can you hear me at the back?
I bet you can still smell Paul's fetid smegma. Or something like that you mean?
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

She's
a whore, and he's a necrophiliac!

no but seriously...
( corington, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)

don't forget to say
"it's the first 20 years that are the worst"
( magoo, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)

I saw (groom's mum) shed a tear at the wedding...
I said, "don't cry (groom's mum), you're not losing a son, you're gaining a daughter"

She said "why do you think I'm crying"

(pause)

then I noticed the smile on (bride's dad)'s face.
( Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)

brilliant
really very good
( atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)

:)

( magoo, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)

Is it an
Army of Darkness thing?
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)

it's more of
a dirty harry thing
( djol, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)

hahaha
I like it :)
( rogan, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:36, archived)