Jeremy Clarkson autobiography
It's true what they say about blokes and big cars...

homepage.mac.com/fergus.stewart/PhotoAlbum6.html

From the Celebrity Autobiographies challenge. See all 526 entries (closed)

(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:13, archived)

What the hell
do you think you're up to there?
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:14, archived)

you might want to explain this one
or get an alibi

pst...
homepage.mac.com/fergus.stewart/.Pictures/Clarkson%20book.jpg
( Griffy Savalas Become her drillosaur, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:15, archived)

hahaha
I drive a fiat 126
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:15, archived)

Vauxhall Astra Convertible
'96 model (Bertoni styling)
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:16, archived)

That
Is a girls car

I don't really drive a fiat 126. I was playing witht the large car/small penis joke, implying that i had a fucking huge penis ahahahahahahahalolololol1!
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)

It really isn't a girls' car.
For my wife to drive it she has to have the seat fully forward and raised. The pedals are right a way out below the steering column, designed for man-length legs.

It is also a stylish but manly car, with a nice broomy, grrring engine.

I got the car/cock reference, but I just wanted to mention that I have a nice car.

Thank you.
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)

it is a leggy woman's car.
end of.
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)

hahaha

( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)

It can't be though.
There is no make-up mirror in the driver's sun visor flappy thing.
No lipstick holder.
No vase with plastic sunflowers in it.

Respect my manly car or I will create the most horrific image that can come from my headbrain and post it on the board this afternoon.
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)

Convertibles are ladycars
YOU DRIVE A LADYCAR
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:26, archived)

Right.
That's it.

You're off my Christamas card list now.




sniff
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)

my micra has none of those things
and it is definately a lady car.

your wife is obviously a midget.

you drive a woman's car.
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)

are you suggesting he is married to jimmy crankie?

( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:30, archived)

Maybe so.
But at least I can spell 'definitely'.
Anyway, you really shouldn't boast about owning a Micra. They are the shittest cars ever to be pooed out of the bottom of a worm-infested skankwhale. Just marginally worse than any of the Ford cars.
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:32, archived)

haha
I'll have to agree with you there
Although the new micra has a certain charm
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:36, archived)

my car is a nice colour
and gets me around
and guzzles a lot less petrol than any of your cars
and costs a lot less to insure i bet
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:39, archived)

Oh guaranteed
My first car, at 17 was a mini. It was braw!
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:42, archived)

i wasn't allowed to have a mini
):
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:45, archived)

i am 18
and it is my first car, i am allowed to spell 'definitely' wrong as much as i damn well like!

there's no need to get stroppy just cause you drive a woman's car!
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:37, archived)

Sorry.
It'll be the oestrogen tablets and 'that time of the month'.

Oh, I'm crying now. /fans eyes ineffectually with hands/
( wheelybird Paul's out of toilet paper - send donations, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:40, archived)

not for Heather Mills then

( Dr. Strange Apparantly those were the droids I was looking for, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:26, archived)

Convertible models of standard family vehicles
eg astras, escorts, mini's etc

are all woman cars. Fact
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:24, archived)

I drive a volvo 740 estate
But I need a car that big to fit my enormous manhood in.
And I still have to open the sun roof when engorged!
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)

hahaha

( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:28, archived)

I
still feel bad about goatse ...
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:31, archived)

eh?

( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:36, archived)

I'm implying
that I bummed him, but if you really can't keep up i'm just not going to bother any more :P
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:43, archived)

hahaha
*catches up*
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:45, archived)

I drive a pedal car

( Griffy Savalas Become her drillosaur, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:17, archived)

You are Bugsy Malone
AICMFP
( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)

i drive a micra
but i know i have no willy
( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)

*offers mine*

( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)

I drive a motorised shoe

( The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)

this I would like to see

( Griffy Savalas Become her drillosaur, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)

I believe that too
I imagine you would look quite dapper
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)

This is true
the ladies flock from miles around to see me in my shoe. Once a week I select one lucky lady and she gets a ride to wherever she wants.
( The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)

I'm dressing as a lady and coming to inverness
Is it like a raffle, or do you just choose who you want?
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:27, archived)

tuck your little tadger between your legs
and flash your ginger "mimsy" at him, that should swing it.
( Wasp Box has a Dutch Equivalent, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)

i don't have a car
so i must have the biggest penis in all of chrisendom
( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)

I drive about 326 yards

( Wasp Box has a Dutch Equivalent, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:23, archived)

Most impressive young Box
Obi Trice has taught you well
( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:24, archived)

the (4) irony is
I was making a golf joke when i don't know anything about golf.
Or cars.
But a Golf is a type of car so my comment must have seemed very witty indeed.

Google tells me Obie Trice is a performer of American "rap" style music.
( Wasp Box has a Dutch Equivalent, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:29, archived)

i know nothing about imperial measurements
but 326 yards seemed like a good distance for a gold swing
( Derek the halls with boughs of Monte show us yer gnawed ratmeat darlin', Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)

FORE!
You drive me crazy

Ooh ooh ooh

/fyc blog
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)

I drive a ford probe
shit. what does that say about me?
(Inigo Montoya Has returned, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:33, archived)

You are 75

( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:37, archived)

'tis rather a biddymobile
it is also a tad pimped so my length rating must be PENALized for that.
(Inigo Montoya Has returned, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:47, archived)

Place a Title Here
This is a block of text that you can edit. Write a couple of sentences that describe the photos below.
( Griffy Savalas Become her drillosaur, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:16, archived)

funny, quirky, often insulting, ..........

( god save the queen hardly ever original, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)

Untitled Document
insert witty remark about not changing the default page text here
( Dr. Strange Apparantly those were the droids I was looking for, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)

/sarcastic title
/witty response
( Griffy Savalas Become her drillosaur, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)

/laughter
/attempt to outwit
/tumbleweed
( 4dam party, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)

unchanged default texy
Many mongy apologies for such a spaztastic oversight!
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:25, archived)

ah!
Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers.

/autocomplete
( TBL Is it Easter yet?, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:18, archived)

you put the lime in the coconut, y'say?

( TopUpTheTea the bumpy road to where the wild things are, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:19, archived)

And drank them both up
I said "Doctor!"

I love that song ... much sillyness :D
( Far Out Slave last ate at, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 13:12, archived)

change it quick- no-one will notice

( MontyyouterribleCUNT Roy Harper FTW, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)

I'll tie my goat to this post.

( The Duke of Prunes, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:20, archived)

I Feckin love that!

( diablo0301 Is out his nut on Call of Duty 5!! ZOMBIES!!!!!, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:22, archived)

psssst...
(post the actual picture in the 'message' box, so we can see it, to help prevent abuse)


welcome though...

( Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Tue 22 Aug 2006, 12:21, archived)