It's true, young man.



From the Self Help Books For Kids challenge. See all 290 entries (closed)

( routine and Pantene, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:23, archived)

My mum once said that I should have never bothered being born.
"Well Mum, not really my fault that."
( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:25, archived)

what, just lived inside her womb your whole life?

( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:26, archived)

what a sitcom that would be!

( Sheehan forevermore owes Ttssattsr beer, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:27, archived)

Hahah
call Nicholas Lyndhurst!
(imnotplayinganymore it's like a pot, for chocolate tea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:28, archived)

haha
oh dear god
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:29, archived)

you called?

( Dont point it at your face or grandchildren, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:32, archived)

oh
I wanted the other guy
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:34, archived)

oh 'him'
try downstairs
( Dont point it at your face or grandchildren, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:35, archived)

:D
He could be partly disabled and his Mum could be a homophobic, racist with tourettes.

It's got Golden Rose of Montreaux award written all over it.

Episode 4 his mum gives him a pet dog for his 37th birthday
( HappyToast sorted on, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:29, archived)

A dog that is the offspring of cerberus and controls a portal to the entrance of hell
where an army of the dead have risen up against Hades and are waging bloody war on the underworld?
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:33, archived)

Episode 5 he applies for a job
then realises he never actually passed his O levels on a technicality and has to go back to secondary school.

With hilarious consequences.
(imnotplayinganymore it's like a pot, for chocolate tea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:34, archived)

haha!
he's the oldest "child" in the school! haha it's so funny! he's trying to pass his o levels in 2007 and they were abolised 20 years ago, meanwhile all the kids are pillin it and driving around in stolen novas hahaha, I'm laughing already! what a great series!
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:35, archived)

but to his rescue comes a talking racoon called Robert who only he can see.
and he has to juggle his amorous affections for Robert with his relationship to a grumpy Pauline Quirk!

it writes itself!
( Count Vanderhoff blah blah etc etc, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:38, archived)

He struggles with all the tribulations
and rites of being a teenager, getting a girl, that first kiss with a 15 year old council estate slapper named Jaundíce, getting a spot, the school bully.

Whilst going through a midlife crisis! And still living in his mother's womb!
(imnotplayinganymore it's like a pot, for chocolate tea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:38, archived)

*phones ITV*

( Count Vanderhoff blah blah etc etc, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:35, archived)

With all the old stereo-typical favourites.


a/c
( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:32, archived)

you look v scary but captivating
Bites

sos if im a bit slow ive not seen you before strangley
( Dont point it at your face or grandchildren, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:37, archived)

Well I have only posted two-thousand four-hundred and forty-two messages.

( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:44, archived)

strangley?
as in strangle?
(imnotplayinganymore it's like a pot, for chocolate tea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:48, archived)

It's my pet name.

( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:50, archived)

what a horrible thing to say

( mr horrible put his trousers on really angrily on, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:26, archived)

i simply must use that one on my children someday!

( Sheehan forevermore owes Ttssattsr beer, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:28, archived)

We were watching The National Lottery and 14 came out,
our number was 15,
Mum: Ooh, only one off.
Me: Yeah. Although we say that, but the numbers are actually random, so the next number could have actually been 48 or something.
[cue massive fit on mothers behalf]
Me: I wish I hadn't bothered now.
[Insert her comment here]

I had it coming really . . .


(She has her lovely moments too. She's just a little mentil is all.)
( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:31, archived)

does she live in a shoe?

( SkUG HAS BOUGHT A HOUSE - WOO YEAH!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:33, archived)

after spending all her money on lottery tickets?

(imnotplayinganymore it's like a pot, for chocolate tea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:35, archived)

Pfft.
Her parents (my grandparents) made her eat her shoes once.

My family are insane.
( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:36, archived)

sorry im tired
*cries and goes to bed*
( SkUG HAS BOUGHT A HOUSE - WOO YEAH!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:39, archived)

*Huggles*

( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:41, archived)

I read that last bit as a "little lentil"
so, daughter of pulses...
( mr horrible put his trousers on really angrily on, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:35, archived)

no way
well i for one am glad you were :)
( kingsuperspecial is a Barbie horse, I have my own shower of course., Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:28, archived)

me too
:D
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:29, archived)

Aww,
thank you both :D
( Fluffy elephants stnahpele yffulF, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:32, archived)

:(
but on the bright side, oh how much fun it'll be when she's old and incessantly weeing
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:30, archived)

hahaha harsh!
Have a tenuous compo pearoast, one of my first posts on b3ta I think...

( Count Vanderhoff blah blah etc etc, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:30, archived)

That child is not balancing that stoat
he has impaled it for effect!
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:31, archived)

he is a beginner to be fair
I'd like to see you do better.
( Count Vanderhoff blah blah etc etc, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:32, archived)

I'd fucking do better after 15 pints of stella
with my hands tied behind my hands!
( Discomeats RUSK! FOR VICTORY!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:55, archived)

You're a BDSM loving wife beater
that doesn't mean you can balance stoats properly
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 22:13, archived)

I remember Noone
Peter Noone, right? He was in Herman's Hermits.

I fucking hated them.
( Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 21:39, archived)

no no no but yes....
"Noone will ever love you"

Is that the former lead singer of Herman's Hermits?
(Zuffle farts silently in lifts then leaves the warm aroma, Fri 13 Apr 2007, 0:19, archived)