Competition suggestions
Morning all.

So far I have bovine's mighty suggestion that would have won last week if we hadn't accepted a vote from the entire population of China:

* Portents of the Apocalypse. (bovine)

and:

* "Relationships it would be hard to explain to your mother" (steiny, whilst in the bath)
* Lost Computer Games: Old games that got canned at the last minute picked the wrong movie license, or should have been made but never were. 16 colour .gifs preferred :) (modesty)
* What else to the French, Germans and Russians have in common?

Add your own here...
( chthonic, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

in case or is it has gone....
While on the subject of Compys
I would like to start suggesting some ideas for the week's compo.
1. Lesser known 40's/Dick Tracy Villains -or- Public enemies numbers 100+
2. Bond Gadgets Q scrapped -or- Inspector gadget's other attatchments a la "go go gadget _____"
3. Concept cars that never saw the showroom
( Or_is_it?, Fri 7 Mar, 9:52, Reply)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:00, archived)

no i havent
%#!*@(% F5 button. this is it though. i swear.
thank you kindly though. goodnight
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:03, archived)

Night

( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:09, archived)

Dr. Suess Characters that never made it into print
I will continue to suggest this, even if everyone hates it
( gracielou, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:04, archived)

Find the good in the bad. Design an ad that sells the unsellable.
.
( rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:08, archived)

the
good in the bed????
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:10, archived)

I don't understand the first sentance
Then again, I'm being pretty fick today
( chthonic, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:11, archived)

BAD not bed.
I went to bed at 5 this morning. Bed is on my mind.
( rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:11, archived)

get some sleep then
I've been up since 6...
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:15, archived)

Sell, sell, sell..
I like that I do..
( Darryn.R www.themoononline.com, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:15, archived)

scenes from films
that got cut out in the edit
( Nacho, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:11, archived)

organs from aliens
left on the autopsy room floor?
( rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:14, archived)

Celebrity Race Reversal
Make Jacko black?
( rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:20, archived)

That is fab
Although the Whoopi Zoidberg from earlier in the week would have to win :)
( chthonic, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:22, archived)

Digital convergence.
What products next? A Ham phone?

MIKE! Read this one.
( rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:23, archived)

OK I've read that one
you can stop jumping up and down, waving and pointing now :)
( chthonic, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:28, archived)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
How about - Waht lives in Jackos Zoo ?
( Darryn.R www.themoononline.com, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:23, archived)

How the human brain works
Failed PC/Mac designs
Illustrated Organs of the Body
I Have a Bizarre Fetish

Where thing go when flushed down the loo..
( Darryn.R www.themoononline.com, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:17, archived)

Undergarments on parade
I'll take the alphabet
A cyst for Gus (Unusal maladies)
Family life of historical figures
Spot the difference
No Subject, no message, no words in the pic
( Artamnesia, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:30, archived)

1. Make a pic of whatever you want... ONLY using Paint: Other programs are illegal other than for resizing purposes

2.When Films Collide
( the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:01, archived)

paintmash..
..is bum gay ;0)
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

Lesser known fairies....
....from yesterday.

And B3tan World records (again)
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:01, archived)

right,
I've had this great idea. It's a bit "left field" but I think it's got potential. It's (wait for it!)....

Dogs with amoo...

*is dragged away screaming by hundreds of tiny monkeys with forks*
( Dr Phil Kitten, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:01, archived)

heheheh
*poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke and a prod for good measure*
( the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

Medication time, medication time
Oh and also time for your basket weaving lesson Ms Kitten.
( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

did you know
they are taking you to be cooked and eaten.
;)
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:03, archived)

but
we had that one already.... you need to come up with a new suggestion to put forward every week... kitties with amoosing noses?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:03, archived)

Dogs with a moo
sounds great!
( chthonic, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:04, archived)

odd
dog herding cow
( brianftang www.twitter.com/brianftang, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:42, archived)

How about...
What Bovine will do to himself if his suggestion doesn't get the vote?
( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:01, archived)

things
found in the bottom of a womans hand bag.
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

dangerous
but funny
( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:03, archived)

ti could be changed
to what lurks in a womans hand bag?!
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:05, archived)

I have nothing good in my handbag.
I went for a rummage to see if I had something to give Razor as a birthday present, and the best I could come up with was a train timetable.

Or a comb.
( Amerella, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:16, archived)

I like
a good rummage...
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:20, archived)

Dear God
Do you ever stop?

;)
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:23, archived)

I don't know what you mean!
fabric shops have large bins full of offcuts of material and you can find some great stuff if you rummage around. You also need rummaging skills in places like Armstrong's Vintage Clothing Emporia in Edinburgh... you have a dirty mind my lad!
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:28, archived)

I have
a tardis.
it contains things for all ocasions especialy a mini leatherman and scisors, and safety pins etc.
oh the list goes on and on
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:22, archived)

has it got a hammock?

( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:26, archived)

I can only just manage to get me lunch
and me phone in there.
( Amerella, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:27, archived)

oooh I llike that!
or how about things found at the bottom of a drag queen's handbag?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:04, archived)

Yay
to that!
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:35, archived)

photoshop a Faberge Egg
there is a lack of spangly eggs on the board.
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:05, archived)

yes
more eggs.

What humpty Dumpty would have done for a living if he hadn't fallen off the wall.

oh, and more boobies
( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:11, archived)

good thought
save it for Easter week though.
( Dr Phil Kitten, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:12, archived)

But I'll
be upset if you repostify...
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:12, archived)

how about
photoshopping yourself or family
( 5olly, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:10, archived)

how spam is really madeHow about
-how spam is really made
-what lives under the bed
-If squirrels ruled the world...
( bean, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:13, archived)

this week we are with bovine.
the evil capitalist oppressors will not make us bow to their suggestions, apocalypse portents it shall be. a billion and a half people can't be wrong. tho people from wrexham usually are. hehheh
( baby wet ones, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:14, archived)

oh
bovine you cheat!
getting your mates to back you!
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:17, archived)

we are not bovine.
we are legion, and we are many.
( baby wet ones, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:18, archived)

+ 1

( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:21, archived)

That's not me.
That's china.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:34, archived)

things farting
or
can't shit, won't shit - celebrity faecal retention
edit: i seem to have gone all lavatorial today - poo!
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:14, archived)

Umm
Vegetables and their fiendish plots
What really lurks under the bed and/or closet
New signs of the zodiac
new life from dead things.
( koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:28, archived)

cerebral
pizzle :0)
( bean, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:34, archived)

All i can think of is
Conspiracy Theories.
I know it's crap, but i just had a test dammit.
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:28, archived)

The adventures of Bovine.
Egotistic I know.

Personal demons, what does yours look like.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:32, archived)

how about
a) easter eggs of the rich and famous..
b) "oh for god sake grow up"
c) "but in my spare time..." - lesser known hobbies (admittedly this is a bit harry hill
d) the things that hide under newsreaders desks
( brianftang www.twitter.com/brianftang, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:37, archived)

jesus in a halfpipe
what does the son of god do with his leisure time
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:40, archived)

What about
a) Animal Celebritys

or

b) Items from the future

Just a couple off the top of my head
(whoremoan, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:50, archived)

Do you ever get that sinking feeling?


Previous compy game posts below:

www.thefluffys.com/b3taview.asp?pic=barbarian.gif
www.thefluffys.com/b3taview.asp?pic=mario.gif
www.thefluffys.com/b3taview.asp?pic=mayhem.gif
www.thefluffys.com/b3taview.asp?pic=sensi.gif

Morning!
(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

While on the subject of Compys
I would like to start suggesting some ideas for the week's compo.
1. Lesser known 40's/Dick Tracy Villains -or- Public enemies numbers 100+
2. Bond Gadgets Q scrapped -or- Inspector gadget's other attatchments a la "go go gadget _____"
3. Concept cars that never saw the showroom
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:52, archived)

Ooh, very subtle threadjack there!
;)

I'd like toys you wish you had or when computer games collide (but that may be cos I enjoy mashing old compy games)
(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:54, archived)

With no idea
what the original post is about (sorry, it looks good, but I don't really get it)
I will say that Public Enemies or concept cars sound interesting.
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:56, archived)

3 sounds good to me
my suggestion this week which will no doubt get ignored is "b3tan daydream" - a no-holds-barred look into people's minds when unfocussed.
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:56, archived)

ah but
would it be "no hands" barred?
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

b3tan daydream...
i thought that's pretty much what the message board was about
( Roxy_Hart is taking advantage of you all, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

1 sounds
a bit similar to the superheros one we had a couple of weeks ago
( sadmike, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

I don't get it....
Good mornin' good mornin' we've talked the whole night through good mornin' good mornin' to you!
( Roxy_Hart is taking advantage of you all, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:55, archived)

You ever played Gauntlet before?

(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:56, archived)

nope
...i'm a girl! I don't do that sort of thing!
( Roxy_Hart is taking advantage of you all, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

Morning Doris

( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

Ah ok.
:)
(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

I'm a girl
and I used to do that sort of thing (not that I was much good at it...)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

They're great
Mayhem in Monsterland was a fucking excellent game. So was Creatures.
( sadmike, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:58, archived)

Been trying to think
of a Creatures one, but haven't been able to come up with anything. Any suggestions welcome. ;)
(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:00, archived)

another gem
WOO!
( Dr Drink, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

I spent far too long playing that game....
....when I should have been out sniffing glue and kissing girls. Woo to you.
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:00, archived)

really must go to the opticians
I read that as sniffing girls and kissing loos
( thebear has now achieved 50 Solar Orbits, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:06, archived)

It was kind of pointless
in as much that you never really died - you just kept playing until you got bored. Or maybe my copy was just buggered.
(Danabnormal, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:06, archived)

My Paint of >
The last supper.



Things could've been so different! :)

sorry if it's a bit big!
(hotrodzombie, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:45, archived)

woo!
nice thing to see first thing

MORNING ALL! I TRUST WE'RE ALL WELL AND YOUR ALL GAY
( the_fabulous_dancing_yak You like game? You come see 5punk.co.uk. You like!, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:47, archived)

oh fuck off.



;p

Sara Cox-bashing - yay:
www.private-eye.co.uk/diary.htm
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:50, archived)

Cock bashing?
sounds painful to me! heh
(hotrodzombie, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:55, archived)

some people pay good money for that sort of thing.
*ahem* so I've heard.
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:06, archived)

morning
and indeed, i am your all gay.
( ablufia v0.42 - pie !, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:55, archived)

Is that like
Terry's All Gold?
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:04, archived)

yes
or no.
i'm not sure what the question was ?
( ablufia v0.42 - pie !, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:10, archived)

Morning!
Its my last day of work and B3ta today!

Your all gay back at ya!
( Andi is member 695 so have some damn respect, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

wow
classy
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:47, archived)

Oo, yeah
Mornin all! :)
I tell you, that piece 'o fart took me AGES!
(hotrodzombie, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

time well spent sir
and don't worry everything's going to be OK
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:50, archived)

H-h-h-have a scratchy Woo
and a disco Yay!
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:51, archived)

very nice...
...the early signs point towards a hummusful day!
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:55, archived)

Morning all - It's Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriday!
woo!


( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:43, archived)

wooo flying Squirills

( whizzbang, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:52, archived)

wheeeee!
I am a great fan of flying squirrels.
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:06, archived)

I'm so sorry
Skill level - 0
Hummus level - 0
bad pun level - 100

I'll get my coat...

Edit: it's 111k - is anyone else having trouble loading it? it's not even worth the hassle, it's very very bad...

Edit2: it's suddenly started working?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

I was right, you are a 40s B movie


click for VERY big

BTW - I can't see it :(
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:40, archived)

that's mahoosive!
very woo though :)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:50, archived)

I love those comic book fonts
www.blambot.com/

BTW I can see your trans-farmers now, I think the word I'm looking for is "groan"...

;)
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:54, archived)

oooooh!!
Ale and Wenches! it's been ages since I wenched...

and thankyou for the groan :)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

HAHAHHAHA
'top hole' - you loon. Mornin'
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:56, archived)

that made me giggle
though which it is depends on which way up you are I suppose...
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

I thought someone might misconstrue that
I meant it in the 1940s way...

:p
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:03, archived)

you can reply on me
to misconstrue anything that may have a murky side... 0: )
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:05, archived)

Mornin
bloody SOCO didn't turn up last night - so have to go straight home tonight.

Its FRIDAY for crying out loud, I wanna go out!
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:12, archived)

I am
yes i am.
edit - i still am
reedit - i lied. i catually didn't edit this, i put it in the original post. I'm off but i'll look at it later. goodnight all
rereedit - i actually did edit this to put in the word "re" but this is only the second edit not the third, and oh well.
final edit - finally saw it and woo
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:43, archived)

Yay
working now - fantastic.

(and your hands are nicely warm and soft BTW..!)
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

they are?
oh good... : )
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:58, archived)

hahaha
that's good - blatant farmer repost here;

edit; in my mind he's saying "oo" when he hits the bottom and "arr" when he peaks (but then again, don't we all ?)
( ablufia v0.42 - pie !, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:57, archived)

Its Very Funny!
How about Octipus prime?
(Fluffster, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:19, archived)

In anticipation of The Mootrix Reloaded


Very sorry.
( Mr. Sheep Fat Squelchy Goodness, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

w/moo!!
I likie that :)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:37, archived)

double the pun
double the goran, double the woo
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:38, archived)

Nice work there fella!
Woosome punnage
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:39, archived)

every body was kung moo fighting
their hoofs were fast as lightning...

that get a KUNG-WOO!
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:44, archived)

Those udders were a little bit frightning!
Woo!

Hey - has anyone seen "Kung Pow!"? It's the stoopidest film ever, which is why I give it 14.73 out of 10.

I loved it from beginning to the other end.
( brainstuff can eat a whole shredded wheat, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

but it was done with expert milking
do-be-do-be-do-be-dop-dop-dop!
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:54, archived)

woo again
and good morning all
( missing, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

wooooo
.
( Staticgirl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:59, archived)

hehehe
mootiful
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:30, archived)

Shutdown forever?

(j0nny, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:30, archived)

Hmm...
I'll go for C!
Morning all!
(Face9, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:31, archived)

good morning
and i've been awake FAR FAR too long. its heading towards 5am my time, so goodnight all. I'm off to dream land.
edit - and i'm sorry i won't make it to see post 888888. i'll have to leave a message
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

/repost,..... reminded me of things
soz..
( Lu, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

i've
always wanted those buttons as options !
( ablufia v0.42 - pie !, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:02, archived)

shirley...
'Shit down windows'
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:09, archived)

don't forget, though
once the self-destruct codes have been entered, the order CANNOT be rescinded.

I suggest we make our way to the Escape Pods.
( isthisyou?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:38, archived)

do you like my new wide screen jelly?

( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:25, archived)

Yes.
I do like it.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:27, archived)

haha!
What's the frequency of it?
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:29, archived)

50 wobblehertz
don't you know
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:30, archived)

Nope!
I didn't!
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:33, archived)

haha!
you loon
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:33, archived)

Who wouldn't?
Woo to you!
( sick_boy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:38, archived)

The long nosed monkey??
Is this real?
(j0nny, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:25, archived)

Very!
8)
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:26, archived)

it's
a proboscis monkey
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:27, archived)

um,
it's a monkey?
( isthisyou?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:39, archived)

indeed it is real
it is the Nasalis larvatus (or Proboscis Monkey)

read more info on it here
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

They are indeed real.
I saw many of the little beggars while on honeymoon in Borneo last year. The males seemed to spend most of their time just sitting in trees, proudly sporting an erection.
(aneraseroflove is an errand boy sent by grocery clerks to collect, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:49, archived)

ok then...
an erection of the nose??
(j0nny, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:58, archived)

it's
your mum.
( Dr Phil Kitten, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:58, archived)

I have no idea why i did this.


But I did.
(I am the Nuns, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:23, archived)

God you're wierd

I like it a lot
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:27, archived)

Now
that's just plain sweet.

W/Y/H!
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:30, archived)

bizzare
but thats what we like around here!
woo!
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:33, archived)

For some reason
that just works. Woo!
( bean, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:34, archived)

Morning all

( idlesod, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:20, archived)

Rather good.
Me-likey-lotsy!
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:22, archived)

That's hilarious!
But now that the director's in, I must away and work. Byeeeeeee!
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:23, archived)

the director's in? Crikey
...and...action!
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:26, archived)

Hi
I've come to fix the *cough* photocopier...
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:29, archived)

CUT!
Where's the damn fluffer?

He's gone soft again!
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:33, archived)

did someone
call?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:39, archived)

;)
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:45, archived)

Well
it wouldn't be a problem if you'd invest in some damn heaters for this place. Bloody studio's like a fridge...
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:42, archived)

Here

/hands over Viagra & elastic band
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:44, archived)

*gag* *choke*
Does anyone know how long it takes to pass an elastic band.
*YYEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWW*
What about kidney stones..?
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:51, archived)

Very
Good one
(j0nny, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:27, archived)

hahahahaha
thats awfully good. i love it. have a

( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:29, archived)

haha!
/nelson
( jiva nearly always up for a game of scrabble, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:34, archived)

arfington
hyukfordshire
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:10, archived)

cutey squirrel mayhem
anyone seen this? mad squirrels and a moose!!
www.happytreefriends.com/
( Dill, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:18, archived)

In the interests
of board fluffiness I have a suggestion.


It's gonna get wordy now...

The last few days the board has been getting really nasty with attacking threadwasters etc and it's really pissing me off (I'll admit to being guilty of taking some part in it too).
Would it be a problem if someone is chosen to simply show threadwasters/trolls etc the error of their ways, nicely, and simply have a mod delete future indiscretions?
That way we can all get on with enjoying the stuff we come here for in the first place without getting ourselves wound up by idiots...
It's not a perfect solution, but please feel free to discuss/dismiss as you see fit.
Thanks.

Edit: Sorry, in my preachyness, I forgot to say Good morning one and all!
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:11, archived)

it's friendly friday!
a worthy suggestion : )
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:12, archived)

ooooh...
can we all have friendly usernames

*frantically tries to think of a suggestion*
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:13, archived)

Good call

( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:34, archived)

We could just ignore it....
...Right! Like that would happen.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:12, archived)

I always try to say nicely
"be carefly when you waste a thread, etc etc, it pushes off someone's hard work, etc etc...."
and i see you are being careful not to completely waste a thread
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:13, archived)

The trouble there is in the definition
'thread waste'. Is it a waste of a thread to ask a serious question, as opposed to wibbling on about what was on TV last night? All threads should be treated equally, I would guess. Or the mods delete any image free threads as soon as they appear. Which doesn't really gel with the democracy I keep telling people b3ta practises.
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:14, archived)

YEAH
anyway, threadjack (guffaw...) probably GC, but I liked this that just got sent to me
( WD-39 new tattoo tomorrow!, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:18, archived)

That's the second near spillage
of tea situation I've had this morning!
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:22, archived)

the first
was your own fault.

that's a very cute kittie and I did snigger muchly : )
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:41, archived)

yeah its number 2 or 3 on ratemykitten.com
but still funny
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:30, archived)

I thin k it can be boiled down to common sense
This board is mostly about making/posting pictures. then there are also links/games/sites, etc that people post, which is fine. I also think that asking technology related questions is sometimes acceptable but the thread creater should take it upon themselves to delete the thread unless it has spawned a sub-thread which contains many pictures/bandwagons or a long conversation, but if it has 5 responses all answering the question, it should go. Ones that refer to the current TV/radio event should be deleted within 5-10 minutes. and finally threads that are complete wastes such as complaining about something or just saying "hi"(i'm not referring to this, this is raising a valid issue) should never be posted, and if they do, the poster should POLITELY be informed of his error ,especially in the case of newbies, then deleted once the poster acknowleges the response or in 10 minutes, whichever happens first
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:26, archived)

Then what about when older members
post messages saying "your all gay"
? Surely thee should be deleted also.
(dunnowhy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:04, archived)

Precisely
why this isn't a perfect solution.
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:26, archived)

It should
be a case of as soon as you registered you get sent a copy of the FAQ. Threadwasting and threadjacking should also be in the FAQ.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:33, archived)

(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:14, archived)

Nice one
/arf
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:27, archived)

remember:

(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

Keep 'em
coming, they're grate!
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:44, archived)

mmm
,m
(Jibbed, Wed 22 Oct 2003, 1:07, archived)

I agree
I shall try to remain pleasant.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:17, archived)

I agree
More space is being used up by the people whinging about threadwasting than the actual 'waster'. If the 'waster' is just IGNORED. They may finally realise, they ain't getting too far and possibly learn something.
Plus, I ranted last week about this.. all of us who have been here a while are perfectly capable of spazzing back through the board, so as far as I can see, nobody misses any extreme forms of artwork anyhow.. oh..and GOOD MORNING ALL!!!


/edit am now pissing meself laughing at post above this thread
( Lu, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:17, archived)

GOOD MORNING !
yourself.

Arrrghh my hangover......
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:21, archived)

Speaking as a newbie...
But one that lurked a while before posting...
It's not that clear what is threadwaste and what isn't... luckily I am clever.
So go easy on newbies... attack repeat offenders.
(I am the Nuns, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:18, archived)

I agree, and as one of the annoying folk I say
sorry if yo get wound up but most times I'm having a laugh, had a hilarioous giggle at atirade against reposts which was a result of a bet with another B3tan, strangely no-one asked who I'd bet with. really dont mean to take the wee but sometimes the board gets a bit up itself, smile its friday
( Dill, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:29, archived)

they're revolting

( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:08, archived)

You're not so lovely yourself...
ha ha ha

How are you today?
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:11, archived)

fine thankyou
and don't worry everybody - everything's going to be OK. Me and spacefish marched for peace yesterday so all your troubles are over.
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:13, archived)

Well, thank god for that....
...it's about bloody time.

I can finally release all these white doves I got cheap last week.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:14, archived)

haha
woo. reminds me of this repost:

( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:11, archived)

Down with this sort of thing
Morning all
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:14, archived)

"What do we want?"
"We're not sure"
"When do we want it?"
"Um..."
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:18, archived)

Hohoho
hmmm.
( bean, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

heh heh
and it's march - how apt!
( aaarrgghh...wasps! !spsaw...hhggrraaa, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:16, archived)

Get the f*ck outta here Wilbur

Eddie Murphy is going to be the new Mr Ed (?)
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:56, archived)

haven't you heard?
black comedians are the new talking horses... erm what?
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:03, archived)

Hahahahahahaha!
That's very funny indeed. In fact, allow me to slip you a

( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:04, archived)

Oo ta very much
That's a bit good you clever dickie you.
/Jealous
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:06, archived)

A CAD application can be
great fun for fucking about...
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:09, archived)

Ugh
I just got off the phone with United Airlines.
They screwed me out of $100 - charged my credit card for it before they told me about their "rebooking fee" something they didn't tell me about the first time I spent 3 hours on the phone with their crappy customer service people today. Then when I asked why I couldn't have my receipt faxed and mailed (they make you choose, my receipt never showed up last time) I was told "I'm going to transfer you to my supervisor and you can get nasty with him *click*" Because it is so difficult to use a copy machine, and unreasonable for me request that he do so? In summary: do not fly with United, they are complete bastards and the people who work for them hate you. /end rant
oh, and I made this in the two hours I was talking to them:

( gracielou, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:48, archived)

Arseholes

mornin'
( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:52, archived)

morning
/evening
( gracielou, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:53, archived)

evening
/wee hours
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:55, archived)

Greetings
/lost all concept of time from lack of sleeping
( StickFigureNinja is worried he may be on the list, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:10, archived)

What do you expect
they are bankrupt you know - therefore no money for nice staff.
( Ijon Tichy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:36, archived)

then they should stop
frightening away all their customers
( gracielou, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 10:07, archived)

mornin'

(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:12, archived)

*yawn*
morning. cool bubblage :)

Anyone know what the Google logo is all about today??
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:14, archived)

[hint]
mouseover the image...
[/hint]
( Removed, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:15, archived)

now you know
I thought that was David too, but my caledar doesn't have anything significant marked for today (my luuuuuuuuuuuuuverly Spike calendar) so I got confused. I never think about simple stuff like mousingover! In fact I'm surprised I even picked up on your hint there...
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:17, archived)

what
hint?
( Removed, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:18, archived)

i just spent five mins
mousing over the image above, it's far too early
(mr wheatley ®, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:20, archived)

you're damn right it's too early
but still I am late for work. And i have a headache. Sigh.
Better go get ready.
see you all later then.
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:22, archived)

bye bye pep
bijou thread-jaquette

Can anyone help me? I want to robotify a person and an object - how do I do that in tattyshop?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:28, archived)

you can use the robotify button
but its only in version 8.0
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:31, archived)

curses! :P
how do I do it in a version that exists then?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:32, archived)

L if i know
but from the phsop lingo i've absorbed from being here, my guess would be a combination of layer masking and blending, or some such
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:34, archived)

I've heard those terms too
but haven't got a clue what they mean or how to do them!
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:35, archived)

I believe emmoss glowing edges and chrome filters can come in quite handy
Although I'm not a robotty type of shopper meself.
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:03, archived)

You could make their head flip open....
...and have all wires and stuff coming out.


( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:06, archived)

nah
wouldn't work for my idea. I've worked out an extremely poor way of doing it.

Morning, rediculously tall one.
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:14, archived)

I'm not ridiculously tall...
...everyone else is just really short.
( Mystery_Bob, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:15, archived)

Morning!
I've been trying to use the 'crystallize' filter to give a face a 'made of flat planes' sort of look. Doesn't fucking work though.
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:38, archived)

mornin people.
even tho none of you know me.
(I am the Nuns, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:47, archived)

Morning Mr Trouble.
How goes it?
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:48, archived)

Well it's friday
and that's about as good as it gets.
unless it's a saturday
(I am the Nuns, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:54, archived)

But you're here
lifes always grand when you're on B3ta.
( Samsonite, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:00, archived)

good morning
whoever you are :)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:50, archived)

you're right
it is morning and none of us know you. :p
does anyone reall ever know anyone else though? /philosophical
that doesn't matter anyway. like no one knows anything about me but my online personality. kinda makes me wish it were fake and i were hiding something...
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:53, archived)

I am. In reality I am a 22 stone Samoan lesbian
with a harem of white bitches, a long standing smack habit and a solid gold palace in Boise Idaho. The picture at my profile is one of my crack gigolos...
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:57, archived)

you too?
you're the third one of those i've met on here since wednesday
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:59, archived)

They'll be my lovers

( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:05, archived)

OOh,
the curse of the Jade Viper.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:47, archived)

sounds like a bad 40s B movie

( thirdman Ia! Ia! R'lyeh Cthulhu ftagn! Ia! Ia! Mglui nafl, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:48, archived)

Arse!
I was going to say that. In fact, I think I will: 'sounds like a bad 40s B movie'
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:49, archived)

yay!
I've always wanted to be a bad 40s B movie - does that mean I get to wear long, revealing flimsy white dresses, dark red lipstick and swoon a lot?
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:51, archived)

You mean
you don't do that already.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:53, archived)

I don't
wear a lot of white... and never red lipstick. Don't go in for the swooning so much either. I definitely haven't got the hair for a 40s B movie, unless it's one about mad hair that goes on the rampage creating zombies and stuff.
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:55, archived)

Looks like
red lipstick in your profile.
I think you've got the hair for it.
trust me I know about hair
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:02, archived)

it's not red!
it's.... dark red : ) it's called Black Cherries. my hair's pissing me off at the moment. I got about 20" cut off it when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant, but it's still too long and now the ratbag pulls it all the time. there's nothing worse than getting your hair tangled in your bra strap...
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:04, archived)

nothing better
than getting your hair tangled in someone
elses bra strap :)
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:07, archived)

I have yet
to experience such a thing ;) isn't that quite uncomfortable? I usually wear my hair in pigtails in situations like that
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:11, archived)

I have very short hair.
So getting it caught in a bra strap can be a lot of fun...
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:19, archived)

It helps
if you can come up for air once in a while.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:22, archived)

I kinda meant
the fastenings at the back... hence the discomfort and not being a lot of fun. Getting stuck at the front, well, that's just gravitational pull in my case ;)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:24, archived)

Some bras
have the catch on the front.
I'd have thought that you would
have known that.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:28, archived)

I sure hope so
oh what the heck. do so anyway
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:54, archived)

While us guys wear cool wide lapelled suits,
trilbies, smoke unfiltered snouts and say things like "Why I oughta..." We could catch you as you swoon too.
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:54, archived)

unfiltered snot?
it wouldn't be wise to try and catch me, just shove a mattress on the floor or something.

Edit: oooh you sod! you edited your typo! : P
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:56, archived)

Yes I did edit, after laughing into my nice cup of tea

( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:58, archived)

Abbott and Costello!
That is all.
( Choice, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:58, archived)

nyah nyan
Rocky says nyah.
[cue Three Stooges]
nyuck nyuck nyuck, oh yeah? Yeah. doink. slap. wububububu
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:57, archived)

Now that's very funny indeed.
The Three Syooges works in text. Hey, can we have a 1940s screen day?
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:59, archived)

I can't
think of a suitable name, so no! : )
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:01, archived)

I joined you
but i'm leaving in a few so it doesn't matter
EDIT - oh i give up. my name's so hard to do something with. someone should take Larry Moe Curly and ___(insert real username)___
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:08, archived)

7th March
Victoria tube line opens in London 1969

According to my diary
( Duncan Disorderly, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:24, archived)

Michelangelo's birthday?
8)
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:15, archived)

twas
Michaelangelo's birthday yesterday. morning
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:16, archived)

Only his birthday
in the morning ?
( Removed, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:18, archived)

times were hard in the old days
they couldn't afford one all day.
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:25, archived)

haha!
8D
(kaiser@school, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:26, archived)

The first casualty of war!

(mr wheatley ®, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:10, archived)

Can I just say
I love that. :-)
(andyb, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:15, archived)

Will he drop it?


How long can you keep it up?

Not quite a dancing hamster I know, but a football juggling banana anyone?
(hamster, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:03, archived)

Oi
I get this 'Sorry, Banana Football is currently only available for users of Microsoft Internet Explorer 5 or better.'
I'm using opera which is damn sight better than Explorer
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:44, archived)

Sorry Oi
I know, I know, I know. Just the visitor stats say 98% IE5 or better. From a development point of view it makes sense to do IE first. From an ideological point of view coding should be done for every browser to give the little fellas a chance. So apologies to all Opera and Netscape people.
(hamster, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:02, archived)

furry muff
apologies accepted
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 9:04, archived)

just finishing a night shift
anyone know any crap jokes?? much love
(kungfueylouis, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:31, archived)

a man comes hom from work
to find his wife frying £10 notes in batter. He says 'I can't believe you're frittering away our money like this'.

morning. I just got up.
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:49, archived)

That's
FAB!
( Removed, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:15, archived)

Cal told me it.
I hate to say it, but it's my favourite non rude joke in ages. Glad you liked it :)
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:18, archived)

Crap joke.
Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the alps with elephants?
None of the offspring survived.
sorry
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:54, archived)

Why do men
find it difficult to make eye contact?
Because breasts don't have eyes.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:07, archived)

Why do men get
paid twice as much as women to do the same job?
Because the women get it right first time.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:08, archived)

How can you
tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.
ok I'll stop now
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:09, archived)

why do women wear purfume and makeup?
because they're ugly and they smell.

What does 'wife' stand for
Washing, Ironing, Fucking, etc

why are womens feet smaller than mens?
so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink when they're washing up.

men's jokes... god they're terrible!
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:12, archived)

but that's only
so men can understand them :)
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:15, archived)

I don't get it
*teehee
( Fat Boab of dailyreckless.com fame, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:17, archived)

Why is a blokes penis like a rubiks cube?
The more you play with it the harder it gets.

Why are blokes like tights?
They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:20, archived)

arf!
how do you make a woman's toes curl during sex?
Fuck her with her tights on.

How do you make a woman cry when you cum?
Call her up.
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:24, archived)

What does it mean
when a bloke is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:28, archived)

woo!!!
must try that tonight...

How do you stop a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:29, archived)

what should you do
if you see your ex rolling around on the floor in pain?
Shoot 'em again.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:32, archived)

i have the worlds most nsf anywhere joke
if you want it
or if you just want a regular bad joke, what do you get when you cross a crocodile and an abalone? you get a crock o' baloney
(works better if you say it.)
I saw two peanuts walking down the street. one was assaulted. (also better if you say it)
in conclusion: No, I know no good jokes.
( Or is it?, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:55, archived)

erm...
www.crapjokes.co.uk/
( 5olly, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:58, archived)

Two bits of puke
were walking down the street when one of them begins to cry.
"what's the matter?" asks the first,
"i'm sorry," said the other, "but I get a bit sentimental when I pass the place I was brought up"
I know worse, much worse
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 7:59, archived)

two tampax were
walking down the street. What did they say to each other?
Nothing because they're both stuck up cnuts.


umm...
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:01, archived)

hehe
hehehehehe.




heheheheheheh
(Al! is constantly suprised, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:02, archived)

hehehehe
more please.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:03, archived)

How do you
confuse an archeologist?
Give him a Tampax and ask him what period it's from?
( 5olly, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:07, archived)

Can anyone
tell me the joke about the vampire and the used tampon?
I cant remember how it goes.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:12, archived)

it's something about
using it as a teabag
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:19, archived)

That's the
one.
(thursley, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:22, archived)

that's
all I remember though
( Jadeviper isn't quite ready for 2009, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:25, archived)

Two atoms are wandering down the road,
when ones turns to the other and says "I think I've just lost and electron."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive"
(Al! is constantly suprised, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:02, archived)

Ooooh
Science jokes...

I like it!
( Removed, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:17, archived)

Ok then
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a martini. When the bartender hands him the drink, the neutron asks, "How much do I owe you?"  The bartender replies, "For you ... no charge." 
(Al! is constantly suprised, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:41, archived)

I like that too.
hoorah!
( pep, Fri 7 Mar 2003, 8:19, archived)