Caught my old Italian neighbour lady stealing my cucumbers.
I made this!
Time for revenge. Any ideas?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:23, Share, Reply)
Time for revenge. Any ideas?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:23, Share, Reply)
mention in passing that you fertilise all your plants using your own shit and piss
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:33, Share, Reply)
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:33, Share, Reply)
This evidence gives you leverage for any type of favours you might choose to call in.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:35, Share, Reply)
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:35, Share, Reply)
Ha!
I would leave her a card next to a juicy cucumber. Alternatively, try adapting the banana trick...
www.b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/post249354
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:54, Share, Reply)
I would leave her a card next to a juicy cucumber. Alternatively, try adapting the banana trick...
www.b3ta.com/questions/foodsabotage/post249354
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:54, Share, Reply)
nice, I'm not sure she can read though.
my last attempt failed imgur.com/2hSwBbw
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:56, Share, Reply)
my last attempt failed imgur.com/2hSwBbw
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 16:56, Share, Reply)
Go round to her house at 4am.
Kick the door in. Then kick her back doors in with your biggest cucumber. Say "IF YOU LIKE MY CUCUMBERS SO MUCH, WHY NOT HAVE ONE OF THEM RIGHT UP YOUR WRINKLY OLD SHITBOX" (even though there isn't much logic to that sentence).
Revenge and a bit of sexual gratification? Be honest now.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:09, Share, Reply)
Kick the door in. Then kick her back doors in with your biggest cucumber. Say "IF YOU LIKE MY CUCUMBERS SO MUCH, WHY NOT HAVE ONE OF THEM RIGHT UP YOUR WRINKLY OLD SHITBOX" (even though there isn't much logic to that sentence).
Revenge and a bit of sexual gratification? Be honest now.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:09, Share, Reply)
Seems like the most reasonable suggestion so far.
Not sure it will stop her from wanting more cucumber though.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:21, Share, Reply)
Not sure it will stop her from wanting more cucumber though.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:21, Share, Reply)
well she cant be fat can she?
after all she isnt a salad dodger.
i would sugest tying tiny little guns to them and then sit back and watch her surender to the cucumberhumbha hoards with her little white flag of self loathing
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:29, Share, Reply)
after all she isnt a salad dodger.
i would sugest tying tiny little guns to them and then sit back and watch her surender to the cucumberhumbha hoards with her little white flag of self loathing
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:29, Share, Reply)
kept my spuds in there rightfull place
Interview was a great deal better than my last one in a pub, this one was in a real life board room with 2 tables and a flip chart in the corner!
they even had a some whiteboard pens that really worked, i am so impressed with this out fit already.
the interview was a nice chat between me and the director of operations and his lead technician, made feel very welcome and comfortable, asked me about my last job and when i mention my ex boss by name they just looked at each other and said 'oh him, yeah we have heard of him, always chasing the next big thing isnt he?'.
they gave me a couple of scenarios that i walked them through, first a Victorian house with a burst water tank while the owner was away for a few days and then a protein fire and finally a sewage back fill in a ground floor flat.
told them what i would do and how i would go about dealing with each case, what equipment i would use what tests i would need to get done and then give an estimate on how long it would take to get the property's back to a state ready for redecoration and signing off.
I have had a chat to recruitment company that placed me there for the interview and there initial feed back from there customer is very good and i will find out by friday if i have the job.
If not then i have two more interviews lined up this week and will see what comes of it.
thanks for remembering btw
ps your not a stalker are you?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:06, Share, Reply)
Interview was a great deal better than my last one in a pub, this one was in a real life board room with 2 tables and a flip chart in the corner!
they even had a some whiteboard pens that really worked, i am so impressed with this out fit already.
the interview was a nice chat between me and the director of operations and his lead technician, made feel very welcome and comfortable, asked me about my last job and when i mention my ex boss by name they just looked at each other and said 'oh him, yeah we have heard of him, always chasing the next big thing isnt he?'.
they gave me a couple of scenarios that i walked them through, first a Victorian house with a burst water tank while the owner was away for a few days and then a protein fire and finally a sewage back fill in a ground floor flat.
told them what i would do and how i would go about dealing with each case, what equipment i would use what tests i would need to get done and then give an estimate on how long it would take to get the property's back to a state ready for redecoration and signing off.
I have had a chat to recruitment company that placed me there for the interview and there initial feed back from there customer is very good and i will find out by friday if i have the job.
If not then i have two more interviews lined up this week and will see what comes of it.
thanks for remembering btw
ps your not a stalker are you?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:06, Share, Reply)
Sounds like it went well - hope you get the answer you want from them.
Just an enthusiastic hobbyist at the minute. Don't think I could describe myself as a stalker just yet.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 20:00, Share, Reply)
Just an enthusiastic hobbyist at the minute. Don't think I could describe myself as a stalker just yet.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 20:00, Share, Reply)
thats the spirit 1
keep up with the denial side of things and you will find the rest will fall into place in no time at all.
if you need any more helpfull advice or info them simply talk to that bush under window and someone will answer
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 20:51, Share, Reply)
keep up with the denial side of things and you will find the rest will fall into place in no time at all.
if you need any more helpfull advice or info them simply talk to that bush under window and someone will answer
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 20:51, Share, Reply)
Take a prize winning cucumber
Cut in half, hollow out, insert note (on greaseproof paper so it doesn't smear) reading something witty like "Fuck you!" or "Do not consume. Experimental radioactive cucumbers".
For extra poins: Buy a cheap buzzer and put it in there, rigged to go off when the cucumber get's cut open again.
Seal cucumber back together, place on vegetable path. Wait.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:14, Share, Reply)
Cut in half, hollow out, insert note (on greaseproof paper so it doesn't smear) reading something witty like "Fuck you!" or "Do not consume. Experimental radioactive cucumbers".
For extra poins: Buy a cheap buzzer and put it in there, rigged to go off when the cucumber get's cut open again.
Seal cucumber back together, place on vegetable path. Wait.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:14, Share, Reply)
tried the experiment thing
imgur.com/2hSwBbw
Buzzer is a good idea though, or a water cannon.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:25, Share, Reply)
imgur.com/2hSwBbw
Buzzer is a good idea though, or a water cannon.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:25, Share, Reply)
I like this.
It could be hollowed out along the length from the bottom whilst it's still attached to the plant. Fill it up with fake blood (assuming real would dry up too quickly) and then bung up the hole again with green playdoh.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:32, Share, Reply)
It could be hollowed out along the length from the bottom whilst it's still attached to the plant. Fill it up with fake blood (assuming real would dry up too quickly) and then bung up the hole again with green playdoh.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:32, Share, Reply)
Next time she's about to grab one
run out with your biggest cucumber doing this NSFW
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDzAwfSI1sw
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:31, Share, Reply)
run out with your biggest cucumber doing this NSFW
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDzAwfSI1sw
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 17:31, Share, Reply)
Dress yourself up as a zombie. Then bury yourself entirely in the cucumber patch, except for your erect penis sticking up which you have painted green.
When she tugs at your manhood, squirt jizz all over her face then arise from the cucumber patch, moaning "Me rape braaains!"
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:01, Share, Reply)
When she tugs at your manhood, squirt jizz all over her face then arise from the cucumber patch, moaning "Me rape braaains!"
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:01, Share, Reply)
Put a mirror above the cucumbers on the wall
Above the mirror write the words "wanted for cucumber theft" if she's old enough and mentally fucked enough she might freak out...a bit
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:39, Share, Reply)
Above the mirror write the words "wanted for cucumber theft" if she's old enough and mentally fucked enough she might freak out...a bit
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:39, Share, Reply)
why dont you simply buy some of these and tie them to the plant may make her try some other fruit or veg
www.aliexpress.com/w/wholesale-cucumber-dildo.html
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:44, Share, Reply)
www.aliexpress.com/w/wholesale-cucumber-dildo.html
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 18:44, Share, Reply)
move them
but leave some decoy ones there, hollowed out and filled with faeces
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:10, Share, Reply)
but leave some decoy ones there, hollowed out and filled with faeces
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:10, Share, Reply)
Disguise one of those massively hot chillis as a cucumber
and while she is screaming with agony after biting into it, burst into her house dressed as Mussolini
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:11, Share, Reply)
and while she is screaming with agony after biting into it, burst into her house dressed as Mussolini
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:11, Share, Reply)
Do a screen grab of her taking them
Put it on a wanted style poster, and put them up all over town.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:39, Share, Reply)
Put it on a wanted style poster, and put them up all over town.
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:39, Share, Reply)
accuse her of rape
drag her through the courts, then drop the charges at the last minute.
Bit disproportionate?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:45, Share, Reply)
drag her through the courts, then drop the charges at the last minute.
Bit disproportionate?
( , Wed 23 Jul 2014, 19:45, Share, Reply)