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This is a normal post This is relevant to the poo fest my life is about to become :/
I spent Wednesday evening watching a woman poke a doll in the nose with a knitted tit. Life used to make so much sense.
 (I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 0:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post Good luck.
It is worth it.
 (I helped save b3ta! BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 1:35, , Reply)
This is a normal post BEWBIE!

(I helped save b3ta! TownsendsPublisher is all gravy baby, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 7:49, , Reply)
This is a normal post I am not a mother either
Here's my rules. Teach them to yourself and your children:
1. Choose your battles.
2. If you've never made a mess, you've never made anything
3. Don't buy a high chair until they've outgrown a Bumbo
4. Don't buy a changing table, buy a mat. (Babies can't fall off a floor)
4. Don't look at my browsing history
5. The midwife doesn't mind you using the Gas & Air as long as she doesn't see you.
6. It's only poo.
7. Advice is the cheapest commodity in the Universe
 (CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:34, , Reply)
This is a normal post Gas and Air great stuff
When Mrs FBK was in delivering our kids, on both occasions i was told off by the midwife for hogging the gas and air and that if didnt stop using it i would be kicked out of the delvery room.

Let me add one more tip to that list

Dont just take picture, take lots and lots of picture and then get them printed, there is nothing like the feeling of holding a picture and sharing it with your family or friends to bring out all the memmorys and start people smiling or laughing, if it is on oyur phone or camera, it seems to be a more muted experiance and holds back on the recall of sights and smells that seem to come when holding a printed picture.
 (I helped save b3ta! fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 12:25, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'm not sure I want to recall all the smells.
Definitely will be taking lots of photos. Been a long hard road getting to this point :)
 (I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:12, , Reply)
This is a normal post Smells are OK
You've been biologically programmed to find your own child's smells and noises less offensive.

Spookily, if there is one kid crying or shouting in a group of kids you will know if it's yours. It's like a radio frequency.
 (CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 15:10, , Reply)
This is a normal post Well if you need a "hand" to get the next one going give me a gaz and i will come in a jiffy
getting started can be hard on the mind and body ;-}
 (I helped save b3ta! fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 15:37, , Reply)
This is a normal post Urr..

(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 17:28, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'll just wring out a few tissues if I get stuck.

(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 18:17, , Reply)
This is a normal post I'll be sure to have a bang on the gas and air.
We've been given a high chair and bumbo. Am cleaning out the loft today so I've somewhere to put it all :/
 (I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post Amazing how good it feels to get all that stuff out of the house when they outgrow it.
It's like a huge weight has been lifted.
 (benito vaselini no not that one, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:30, , Reply)
This is a normal post Yeah, my sister did seem unusually happy to be filling up my car with it all.

(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 14:14, , Reply)
This is a normal post 8. You're no longer allowed to pretend you care about the environment.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:19, , Reply)
This is a normal post 9. Fuck it, just get a Nissan Armada, otherwise there's no way you'll be able to carry a child seat AND two bags of shopping.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:21, , Reply)
This is a normal post 10. Everyone you know on facebook absolutely, definitely wants to see photos of your child 30 times a day, every day, for the next 12 years.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:22, , Reply)
This is a normal post 11. Don't mess their heads up too much.
They get to choose your residential home...
 (I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 24 Jun 2017, 15:07, , Reply)
This is a normal post Oh no not too much,
but just enough
 (CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 15:19, , Reply)
This is a normal post 12. Kids are mini versions you
This can be to your advantage. It will also be your downfall
 (I helped save b3ta! Fadgebadger (1 like), Sat 24 Jun 2017, 20:01, , Reply)
This is a normal post 13. If you're lucky enough to get a night alone at home after the whole birth thing ...
... have the most elaborate wank you can think of
 (I helped save b3ta! TownsendsPublisher is all gravy baby, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 20:12, , Reply)
This is a normal post You see? They just don't hand out this quality advice at the NCT classes.

(I helped save b3ta! Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 0:13, , Reply)
This is a normal post 14. Those warnings on plastic bags that say "This is not a toy"
is a complete lie. My newborn would play with them for hours. I suspect Milton-Bradley or Hasbro has a hand in that propaganda.
 (I helped save b3ta! gub~gub can't find the hummus, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 20:23, , Reply)
This is a normal post n. Accept any apology
even an insincere one. Accept those ones harder.
 (I helped save b3ta! gaijintendo Regular Member, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 21:11, , Reply)
This is a normal post 15. Make sure anything within reach that takes batteries has a screw down battery compartment.
Especially lithium batteries.
If it hasn't then duct tape will hold it in place.

You don't want to have to rush to A&E because they might have swallowed a battery.

16. Seriously it's only poo.
 (I helped save b3ta! Cerebus Sticky! Sticky! Stick! Stick!, Sun 25 Jun 2017, 14:35, , Reply)