NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 100: "MAGGIE THATCHER ON A TOBOGGAN"
This Week:
* FEATURE - MPs on wheels
* TOYS - XML Kittens, Palm Pilot, Newsletter
* ANIM - Sausages
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 100 - 15 Aug 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue100/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: DEAR MR KINNOCK
Have you ever been on skateboard?
Monkeymanblue writes -
"I found a fantastic picture of Enoch Powell MP
on a pogo stick, and so decided to write to a
load of MPs and Peers, to see whether any of
them had ever been on other forms of
children's locomotive toys (ie Skateboards,
Roller skates, Space Hoppers etc etc.)
"Much to my amazement over 80 of them
responded, including three Prime Ministers,
five Chancellors, six Foreign Secretaries,
four Home Secretaries, and three Speakers of
the House of Commons."
Wow. We love this. It's worth checking
out just for the picture of Maggie Thatcher
on a toboggan. And there's more good stuff.
http://www.statesmanorskatesman.co.uk/
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: B3TA BASH ANNOUNCEMENT
Halloween fun
Our parties are world-renowned for their super
woo aceness and we're having another one.
We're having a raffle to raise cash for the
server fund. We need prizes. If you've got stuff
that you don't want - DVDs, TVs, not toenail
clippings - then please get in touch via the
normal email address. Ta very much.
Here's the flyer.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1779508
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: XML CHALLENGE WINNERS
You're all winners - well, some of you
A couple of weeks ago we challenged you to
come up with some codey projects based upon
our spanking new XML feed.
Don't run away. The challenge was nerdy but
the results are for everyone.
#1 Kitten screensaver
Chicago Dave has updated his screensaver
with kitteny goodness, although these only
appear the second time you run it. Dave
also promises some nice surprises at an
unspecified future date. Yay!
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/screensaver/
#2 Read b3ta on a Palm Pilot
Michael Randall of Pigpog has squished the
b3ta website, using Avantgo. Now you
can download and read it on your personal
organiser. And waste even more time.
http://pigpog.com/pocket/b3ta.php
#3 Newsletter generator
Fed up with waiting for our newsletter
each week? Ease your pain with this
automatic newsletter writer. We've
completely switched over to using it.
Now we've got loads of free time for
wanking. Thanks again Michael Randall.
http://pigpog.com/features/b3ta-gen/
* Special mention should go to JBoom for
his frankly bizarre reinterpretation
of our message board as a hill of clouds
and farmyard animals.
http://www.jboom.com/b3ta/b3ta_farmyard.shtml
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Meat, Pong, Wogan, Laundry, Mugging,
Hairstyles, Weebl
>> Meaty ad <<
Britain eats on average 50 sausages a year.
Very long sausages. Bovine does not think that
is nearly enough. "Eat more sausages," is his
poignant cry and the message of his sexually
charged Flash animation.
http://www.crapjuggler.co.uk/flash/sausages.html
>> 4-way pong action <<
This is clever - Yomgaille has come up with
a four player version of vintage arcade game
Pong. If you're supple you can play all four
paddles using every limb. That still leaves
your mouth free. Think about it.
http://www.yomgaille.com/pong/
>> When Wogan sings... <<
International readers may not be familiar with
light entertainment legend Terry Wogan, famous
for his avuncular style, dodgy wig and vaguely
sarcastic Eurovision commentary. But he is
haunted by his Seventies novelty singing career.
Vulga may forgive but he will never forget.
Students: feast your ears.
http://www.snurl.com/floraldance
>> Laundry care labels - for men <<
Men: Have you ever wondered how to wash your
clothes? Sean Ellis has some handy pointers.
But that's just the shape of his hands. Click.
Or forever remain unclean clickers.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/seanellis/b3ta/Laundr...
>> Flash mugging <<
You can't have missed it - for the last
couple of weeks the papers have been going
mad for flashmobs - spontaneous, nonsensical
happenings arranged over email. As soon as
there is a trend on the web, there is a
parody biting at its heels. Nik Roope is
this week's angry, mocking dog.
http://www.technicola.com/flashmugging/
>> David Beckham's whose hair? <<
"I saw David Beckham's bouffant on the front
page of The Sun," writes light entertainment
legend lazystuff, "I thought, 'at last something
interesting about David Beckham.'" Thank Christ
someone's found something. Anyway, can you guess
the celebrity whose barnet Beckham is sporting?
http://www.lazystuff.com/features/beckham
>> Look! New Weebl! <<
Weebl divides our readers. Some of you like
Weebl, some of you like Bob. This episode
features neither.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/quest.htm
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Sexy lady, wooly lamb <<
We're men of the world. We've seen a lot of
lady-animal hybrids. But this, this really took
our fancy. Get ready to meet your new desktop
wallpaper.
http://www.xs4all.nl/~pwitteve/spring2.jpg
>> Suck your hair short <<
Getting a haircut is the second most traumatic
experience after losing a spouse. Spare yourself
the pain by sticking this vacuum-cum-clipper
device on your head. We'd love you to try out
one of these and send us the photos.
http://www.flowbee.com/
>> Boss-eyed porn <<
God knows, we don't like to laugh at the
afflicted. Well, okay, we do. But who on
Earth booked this girl for a porn shoot?
http://www.good-porn-guide.com/site/g/013/jasmin11...
>> Interview Hitler <<
Hooray! Now you can chat with history's
greatest monster. On your PC! His lips move
and everything. We asked him if he was gay
and he seemed to get quite annoyed.
http://www.activehistory.co.uk/head2head/hitler/ac...
>> GI Joe remix <<
There should be more of this. Recutting rubbish
80s cartoons with your own dialogue. This makes
absolutely no sense, but it rocks like a bastard.
http://www.heavengallery.com/fenslerfilms/GiJoecar...
>> Desperate web saddo <<
Police: Want to find someone to lock up? Why
not try the internet? It's full of desperate,
lonely pervs who will do anything for the
faintest promise of sex. At least, if this is
anything to go by.
http://www.captain-obvious.com/forums/showthread.p...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE RESULTS
Bumper size fun week
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last
week there was no newsletter, so this is a
double dose of winner announcements.
>> I: Special Offers Challenge <<
The week before last we wanted regrettable
special offers:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/specialoffers/
We asked b3ta boarder 'Solly' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Solly writes -
#1 "Birthday Treat - a terrorist called Timmy,
a beautiful air stewardess... a classic
combination. I'll never fly again.
(angel of the forever sleep)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1710983
#2 "George Best hypnosis tapes - I listened...
and needed a drink. worked a treat. Now
I need another. hmmmmm. beer. (matsimpsk)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1706151
#3 "Parkinsons - we all worry about dying from
a slow debilitating disease, but this made
me shake with laughter!" (aubergene)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1720500
>> II: Irons for Men Challenge <<
Last week we wanted products with
cross-gender appeal:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ironsformen/
We asked b3ta boarder 'Jiva' to judge the
entries - here are her 3 top choices.
Jiva writes -
#1 "Yo ho ho and a bottle of moisturiser -
Beautifully shopped, a great pun and pirates
to boot. What more do you need to put a smile
on your face? (Rainbow_girl)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1769168
#2 "Nag-isil - I swear all men need to keep some
of this on them. One quick massage of this cream
to the lady friend of your choice and they would
be putty in your hands. (r!ddler)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1751538
#3 "How to find the clitoris - nice to see that
the manual does not have it pointed out on the
cover." (sick boy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1780660
Ooh and special mention to Slim and his "ladies'
parking." Slim is an annoying arse because he is far,
far, too good at this, but I do love his pictures;
always quality and always funny.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1781181
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Zak McFlimby gave us
the suggestion, "Double Take"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/doubletake/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* THE MARRIAGE IS REAL - a couple of weeks ago we
featured an elaborate website advertising a
forthcoming wedding. Scott, the groom, has got
in touch: "It is true. We really got married
this Saturday!" Congratulations - and we hope we
never have to cover thedivorce.co.uk
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* EAT A MONKEY - and wear its skin. We
want pictures/gloves.
* MORE FUNNY PORN - we're jaded. Very jaded.
* KKK contacts - Mmmm, clean sheets.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Ed, Swede, Si and
Elliott Solomon
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the jolly b4ta tars. (69616)
