NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 145: "STILL KITTENY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS"
This Week:
* SAVE B3TA - Send us your cash
* SPOOF SITE - Annoys the world
* KITTENS - Crappest hand-draw cats ever
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 145 - 30 Jul 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue145/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
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: SAVE B3TA
Your cash will keep the site running
Our site costs money to run, but it's not a
business, we do the site for fun.
However our server bills are quite hefty -
we shift about two terabytes of data a month.
To pay for this we solicit donations from our
readers and the people who hang out on our
message boards.
Recently we've been running a bit low in our
server fund, and frankly we need a top up.
If you've enjoyed b3ta over the last three
years then please dig deep.
Oh, and for the boarders our designer Denise
Wilton has made a new set of icons only
available to new donators.
http://b3ta.com/features/appeal/
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: PREPARINGFOREMERGENCIES.CO.UK
Parody site goes ballistic
The problem with running a weekly newsletter
based upon the stuff people do on a daily basis
is that sometimes the items are so hot, that
they go around the world twice before we even
have the chance to tell you about them.
Thomas Scott writes -
"The UK government registered
www.preparingforemergencies.gov.uk to go with
their anti-terror advice leaflet.
"Pity they forgot to register co.uk , really.
"It would only have been mildly funny, had some
bod at the Cabinet Office not objected, sent me
a firm email, and turned the whole thing into a
news story
"This has gone beyond Tonbridge Monkey Man
proportions - I've had about two pages
in the Guardian supplement today, as well as
being on three local TV news shows last night.
See what all the fuss was about:
http://www.preparingforemergencies.co.uk/
Read the newspapers:
http://news.google.com/news
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: BOOK OF THE MONTH
Just a Geek
Wil Wheaton went from being a child actor in
Stand By Me and Star Trek TNG to being, well,
a bit washed up.
Over the last couple of years he's re-invented
himself on the web using a confessional
blog where he writes about his failed auditions
and attempts to grapple with back-end geekery.
He's become an every-geek poster boy for sites
such as Slashdot and Fark, his site proving so
successful, that whilst the acting career
hasn't reignited, he has got a book deal out
of it. Result.
It's a great read. We demolished it in
one sitting and we frankly identified with
the joy and pain of sticking stuff on the
web and seeing the world's reactions.
So if you're a blogger, a flash animator, or
even someone who just wonders what it's like
to be behind the steering wheel of a website
you need to read this book now.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/059600768...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Best cat archive ever <<
The web is full of excellent cats. But think
how much clicking you'd have to do to see the
best of them. You could well die before you get
them all. Well worry no longer - some kind soul
has gathered up the very crème de la cat for
your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~dcalwhit/cats.html
>> Shatner sings Jarvis <<
B3ta favourite Bill Shatner has a new album out
in October called "Has Been". Hear him duet
with Joe Jackson in a cover of Pulp's "Common
People". It's strange to hear the song
covered by a septuagenarian US action star.
Surprisingly ace for all that.
http://www.drewmg.org/commonpeople.mp3
>> PC oven <<
Spend a lot of time at your computer? We do,
and this little beauty has us fizzing with
excitement. You can fit a tiny oven in your PC
instead of a CD drive. Bake yourself delicious
little cakes to scoff while you finish writing
that proposal. Who could say no to that?
http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/ezbake.shtml
>> Arm-less college boy <<
Own a CD featuring 100 pictures of a 'drunk,
arm-less midget'. That's the unmissable offer
of this preposterous eBay auction. But not to
worry, it's actually being sold off by
the man himself. Supposedly this is to pay
for his college fees, but we suspect he's
really doing it because he likes the attention.
http://snipurl.com/84qd
>> Smoking booze <<
The AWOL machine is a modern version of the
middle-eastern hookah pipe, but with gin
instead of tobacco. Apparently, the alcohol
goes directly to your brain, but you don't
have a hangover the next day. What can we
say - we need one of these. Mind you, the
site also claims it's 'great for weight loss'
because you're so dehydrated afterwards.
Hmm. That doesn't sound like good advice.
http://www.awolmachine.com/
>> Seagull upgrade <<
Inspired by tales of piracy, some creative
sailors have replaced a gull's amputated leg
with a plastic doll arm. Disturbingly, there's
a chubby little hand on the end of it. This is
excellent - there's no reason why limb-loss
can't be amusing. Kind of reminds us of Toy
Story. More please - we'd like to see a hamster
with Action Man's head next.
http://www.local6.com/news/3510166/detail.html
>> Playing in traffic <<
Frankly, anyone who cycles to work must be
fucking insane. Anyone who hasn't experienced
for themselves can sample cycle commuting's
white-knuckle delights by watching this team of
excitable New Yorkers playing tag through the
city's rush-hour traffic. Some of the gaps
they get through defy belief. It's like an
eco-friendly The Fast & The Furious with Vin
Diesel in Lycra. Warning big, fat download.
http://freecache.org/http://download.sdv.pl/red-we...
>> Inexplicable baby pic <<
We don't really understand the text of this
Czech health article, but that won't stop us
speculating wildly. Judging by the photos, a
factory just outside of Prague has commenced
mass-producing Pete Tong. A world trembles in
fear and dread. Oh, this just in: It's about
playing music to babies to aid their
development. Awwww... shame.
http://www.novinky.cz/03/70/29.html
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: BIT TORRENT TV
Stuff we've watched this week
Find of the week has been the UKNova site
which is packed with British telly. Makes a
nice change from watching American stuff.
>> BNP documentary <<
Watch with your mouth agog as BBC journalist
infiltrates the British National Party
and uncovers not just criminal behavior, but
that the political party is peopled by stupid,
violent and frankly mad thugs.
>> Eastenders episode 1 <<
Eastenders might be failing in the current
ratings battles, but it's interesting to
catch up with the roots from whence it came.
This episode was rebroadcast for American
TV complete with an introduction from Tracy
Ulman, "TV soaps are not all glitter and
romance - this one has had the big business
tycoons stripped away, leaving teenage
pregnancy, rape etc."
>> Inventions that changed the world: The PC<<
Presenter Jeremy Clarkson might be a bit of
of a dick cheese, but he ably guides the
viewer through a history of computing,
controversially putting Tommy Flowers, the
engineer behind Colossus, the world war II code
breaking machine, as the real father of
computing. Good stuff on how World War I
might have ended earlier if Babbage had ever
been able to complete the difference engine.
All this and more on:
http://www.uknova.com/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Crap kittens, Odd pigs & Stalking project
>> Crap kitten drawings <<
"I never now leave the flat without pens and
paper in case I bump into someone who hasn't
drawn me a cat." screams Splorp. Wow there's
some amusingly rubbish drawings here.
http://www.tiddles.co.uk/
>> Who is this Traffic Warden? <<
"I made a series of "Margaret the Traffic Warden"
pictures based on an image robbed from the BBC.
Now I'd really like to meet the lady behind the
photos. I need everyone's help to track her
down." So if you recognise her, get in touch.
http://www.mattfacer.com/margaret_traffic_warden
>> Odd pig thing <<
"My mate Jim is a little fucked in the head",
confesses the_blagger, "and occasionally stuff
spills out onto paper. As he can't be arsed to
learn flash, I animate stuff for him. Hope to be
churning out more weirdness very soon."
This is odd, but the style is great.
http://www.suttonsites.co.uk/b3ta/thepiggy.htm
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Ebay Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Two weeks ago we wanted you to make up stuff
to sell on Ebay:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ebay/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Cosmo Smallpiece' to
judge the entries - here are his faves.
Cosmo writes -
#1 "Homeless Native American - Best overall
punnage and use of cardboard, Little Big
Issue anyone? One of those that lands in your
e-mail still a bit damp - Brilliant.
(Zak McFlimby)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3485105
#2 "Anarchism and Other Essays - Tough call
this one. From a number of top class entries
of the same origin. Stood out a mile for
being unique and dead funny - Ace!
(Beau Bo d'Or)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3470944
#3 "ebayeux Tapestry - Second and third to the
same person didn't seem fair, but this was
totally deserved. Produced a number of top
class posts. Well done you - Top of the class.
(Beau Bo d'Or)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3479926
"If I'm allowed a special mention, it's for
Sunshine Elephant's iced fancies. It was a
lovely thought.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3490602
Results from the Heath Robinson Challenge
Last week we wanted overly complicated machines
to do simple tasks:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/heathrobinson/
We asked B3ta boarder 'Mofaha' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
Mofaha writes -
#1 "The Bush slapper - The timing and execution
are wonderful, and the expression at the end
is just perfect. This still makes me laugh out
loud every time I see it. (eclectech)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3513447
#2 "The vicar pleaser - A giant leap forward in
clergy gratification technology! Very funny,
and very much in keeping with the theme of the
challenge. Plus there's a kitten in it.
(Kris Fucking Kristofferson)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3510466
#3 "The eye opener. Lovely animation, and
another entry featuring a great expression,
somewhere between horrible discomfort and
dogged determination. (pippy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3513495
"The honorable mention. In a challenge that
produced some excellent entries, both of
Dangleberry's efforts made in onto my shortlist.
My favourite was the Gastro-Prod XL.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3510936
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Fraser gave us
the suggestion, "Rhyming Photoshops"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/rhymingphotoshops/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SNAILHAUSEN PROTEST - Leo Humphries writes -
"Being the snail enthusiast I am, I was
somewhat shocked by the promotion of snail
murder in your newsletter. As soon as I
read it, made a petition to end the mindless
killing."
http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi
* BIROMASH FAME - "Following my posting of my
giant biromash on b3ta, I had 300 emails
within four days asking to buy a copy and
82000 hits to the picture in the last
eight days. Prints of it are now available
to buy."
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/p.blackman/biromash.h...
* B3TA STUFF REVIEWED - we enjoyed this review of
(your ginger furher) Rob Manuel's work over the
years. It's both the level of detail and the
utter missing the point that makes the whole
thing a joy to read.
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx
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: FRIDAY GAME
Paper tossing
Everywhere this week has been this neat little
game challenging you to toss screwed up balls
of paper into the bin.
It's tricky - see how you do.
http://www.sticky.tv/game/cyrkam_airtos/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* LAPTOP CONKERS - Say goodbye to old
technology with the biggest game of
conkers ever devised.
* HITLER'S WHITTLERS - a site devoted to
beachcombers who carve elaborate Nazi
figurines out of driftwood.
* AFTER HOURS BOOZE ALERTS - A mobile texting
service that alerts users to the location of
the nearest off-license illegally selling
alcohol after 11pm.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Sonicboozy, dominicmikulski,
jspearmint, essexjan, pete/moving-picture
& justinb.
Top Tippery, additional linkage and star stuff
by Fraser "not Fazer" Lewry.
Other star suggestions from Tomsk.
Board research by Fnorditch.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
Proofing by b4ta. With guns.(77697)
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TOP TIP:
Use toothpaste to clean your piano keys. This
assumes that the keys are made from high grade
ivory ripped from the carcasses of freshly
slaughtered elephants. It doesn't work with
cheap pianos.
