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NEWSLETTER: "NOT THE ONLY HOUR YOU'LL LOSE THIS WEEKEND"

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This Week:
* ANIM - Code Code Code
* EVENT - The 'Rickmob'
* VID - Cardboard Tron

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________  ____ __  ___"My girlfriend makes me  
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | sleep in the wet patch. 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | You'd think that at 8 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| years old she'd have 
                        stopped pissing the bed"

B3ta email 321 - Ted Rogers FTW - 28 Mar 2008

Also available in black, tan and beige
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue321/

        Sub Sub:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    The Doves:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Guitar Hero competition

  We have been talked into promoting our Guitar
  Hero competition on the b3ta newsletter, but
  after the famous Virgin Media fiasco our client
  is understandably a little nervous. So go ahead
  and enter, but please please please please, no
  reflectoporn, Goatse, nudity, vomiting, scat or
  subversion of any kind. Just good clean fun, or
  you'll get us in all sorts of trouble. We
  appreciate your co-operation.

  Clicky to see Lemmy and a bunch of loons in
  our promo viral:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEdAGsgx_Xg

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Code, The Curse and California

  >> Code Code Code <<
  Your newsletter team made this song about
  writing code whilst feeling miserable. Also
  contains our home-made laptop.
http://www.comedybox.tv/comic-video-mr+pitchy-11300


  >> The lady curse explained <<
  Koit triumphantly returns to demystify the
  female reproductive system through the medium
  of song. With all that acapella going on inside
  them, it's no wonder they get a little testy
  from time to time.
http://www.lskerton.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/flash/Blob.html


  >> California <<
  "I've fixed the advert," beams Jonti Picking.
  Essentially, he's made one tiny alteration to
  the celebrity-laden commercial for US holidays
  that's running at the moment. It did, however,
  make us snort with a disproportionate amount of
  glee. 
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/California/


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Your first fag

  Each week we collect your stories, anecdotes
  and lies into one handy place on our private
  gopher/ftp site.
  
  Recently we asked you about your experiences
  smoking cigarettes, party because your Ginger
  Fuhrer stopped smoking last summer and was
  curious to do a straw poll on the attitudes to
  tobacco. Lols all round then! But we did learn
  that marijuana is a gateway drug. But to cigs,
  not smack. 
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/smoking/


  >> This Week's Question <<
  Back in 2004 we asked for your tales of the
  turd, and several of you asked for a second
  bite of the anal cheery, so it's back: Shit
  Stories Two: Poo in the City. 
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/shitstories2/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Rick mob <<
  Here's a date for your diary - Friday 11th
  April, Liverpool Street Station, the plan is
  to be there for 6 and sing the Astley classic
  Never Going To Give You - to effectively combine
  flashmobbing and rickrolling into one horrific
  combo, and rickroll an entire train station.
  BTW: We were invited to turn up by Alex
  'million dollar home page' Tew, whose flat
  might be worth robbing seeing as you now know
  when it will be empty.
http://www.rickmob.com

  Astley comments on rickrolling here:
http://snipurl.com/astley-in-a-noose


  >> George Clooney, 2 Girls, 1 Cup <<
  Continuing the theme of celebs plus crap web
  memes Malchick informs, "This is a pretty
  standard magazine interview with the George
  Clooney, until you reach page three, whereupon
  they show him 2 Girls 1 Cup. The transcript is
  brilliant, and I love the mental image of one
  of Hollywood's most politically active men
  dragging friends into the room to watch it." 
http://www.esquire.com/features/george-clooney-0408-3


  >> Food packaging vs. reality <<
  "I know rubbish or dodgy looking food is a firm
  newsletter favourite.", predicts David
  correctly, "Here's a comparison I found of the
  discrepancy between food packets and what's
  inside."
http://snipurl.com/ooh-pictures


  >> Keyboard madness <<
  We've always had a dreadful relationship with
  computer keyboards, probably smashing at least
  3 a year in pathetic rage, but we've always
  been to busy to design our own. If we could
  though, it would look exactly like this. 
http://mykeyboard.co.uk/microswitch/


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Big animals licking small animals

  "The internet is a long way off running out of
  cute," scolds nilid69, "What about all the big
  animals licking small animals pictures that
  must be out there? Here is giraffe licking
  squirrel." Ooh, there could be a popular blog
  in that idea.
http://animals.m0.timduru.org/ids/albums/squirrel/Picture12.jpg


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO

  >> Cardboard Tron <<
  The iconic light cycle scene from Tron, a
  deadly game of Nokia snake, now recreated using
  cardboard boxes and Frenchmen. Formidable.
http://snipurl.com/tron-not-pron


  >> Slow-motion anti-gun campaign <<
  Some really lovely high-speed photography of
  bullets smashing things, used to drive home the
  point that guns are dangerous. It did sort of
  make us want to go out and blow things up while
  listening to classical music though. That looks
  like a lot of fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_5uckGIgLA


  >> Robot loves to drum <<
  It's not so much the drumming itself, as the
  quirky personality shown by this tiny
  mechanical percussionist, as he quickly scans a
  room to find a suitable surface for drumming.
  All he wants to do is lay down a funky rhythm.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Musical_Robot


  >> Quincy theme - now with lyrics <<
  Oooh! New idea alert! Why not take a classic TV
  theme tune and write your own words? Why not,
  indeed?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Quincy_Opening_With_Lyrics


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Not very funny, not at all cornery

  WRIGHT HASSALL - Perhaps stealing Sue Yoo's
  crown for best lawyer name ever. Or maybe it's
  some sort of honesty-in-naming thing they have
  going on in Leamington Spa.
http://www.wrighthassall.co.uk/


  STDCLINIC - More a case of clever than stupid,
  this site for designer Steve Turner. We still
  giggled like schoolboys, obviously.
http://www.stdclinic.co.uk/


  PHALLIC FRUITS - This bulbous growth purports
  to be an apple - we have our doubts, however.
http://flickr.com/photos/vdz/80784823/in/set-1620314/


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: NAUGHTY STEP (absolutely NSFW section - no joke)
  Challenging wank material

  >> Breakfast TV fake nudes <<
  In a page that's as likely to last on blogspot
  for about 10 minutes after we post this
  newsletter comes this rather disturbing
  collection of nudey ladies from UK morning TV.
  If you ever wonder what the bloke who fixes
  your printer wanks over, then look no further.
http://celeblover2007.blogspot.com/


  >> Dirty Disney <<
  Fantastic collection of Disney ladies having
  sex. We particularly enjoyed Beast's (from
  'Beauty and the...') furry cock. 
http://www.redtube.com/8404 


  >> Wikipedia mother-lode of wrong <<
  Whilst looking up ejaculation on wikipedia (the
  mind wanders, you know how it is) we were
  amused that someone had uploaded an example
  video - a complete spunky jack-off that plays
  in the corner of the screen whilst you read the
  dry medical facts. Nosey to learn who would do
  such a thing we click to find, "I declare and
  certify that I created and made the video
  - ImaLearner" And then? The best bit, a category
  called "bad images", which lists each and every
  cock, tit and vag on wikipedia. Exhibitionists
  one and all - and we salute each and every one
  of them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Bad_images


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Star Trek Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to salute the genius of
  William Shatner.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * RIKER - not nearly as good as Spock (Damocles)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8210996

  * DATA - to boldly go where this particular
  source image has never been before (The Great
  Architect)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8213019

  * SPORK - panic in the transporter room
  (shrinking_man)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/8198663

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/star_trek/


  >> New challenge: Famous Babies <<
  After cooing gleefully over b3tard Wildyles'
  lovely picture of Patrick Moore as a tot, this
  week's challenge suggested itself: famous
  babies.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/babies/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * BALLPOINT PEN REVIEW - A quick gander at an
  odd Amazon product page we featured a while ago
  threw up this, which made us smile; "What were
  Bic thinking of when they released this
  product? I have been attempting to use this
  item almost continuously for three months now,
  but I still can't shave with it. "
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000JTOYLS/b3ta-21


  * ARCHIE MEETS PULP VID - After looking at last
  week's retelling of Common People through comic
  strips, theholefiller "decided it would 'only'
  take a few minutes to link them up to the Pulp
  song itself. Many hours later it was finally
  done." And thanks very much for doing that -
  it's rather enjoyable.
http://b3ta.com/links/Archie_meets_Common_People_via_Pulp


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: FRIDAY GAME
  What's your porn score?

  Bored out of our tiny minds whilst filling in a
  tax return we invented a game: type 'tits' into
  a google image search and see how many pages
  you have to go before you can name an actress.
  The lower the score, the hairier your palms.
  BTW: Our score was 9, which surprised us
  slightly.
http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=tits


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MANTERNITY WEAR - make some large flowing
  smocks for the man with the growing gut. 

  * FUCKLEGANGERS - look up your own name on
  Facebook, and find your opposite-sex equivalent
  (eg. Rob Manuel to Robyn Manuel), then shag
  them. We reckon that there would be a certain
  frisson that would make it fun - like incest
  but without the police getting involved.

  * PENIS SIGS - "how difficult would it be to
  incorporate a primitive but recognisable penis
  into a signature?" asks thefoggypoo. "Say your
  name was Henry Morgan and you signed the Henry
  with a lower case h and with the Morgan part
  you wrote the Morgan beginning directly below
  the h with a loopy M as opposed to the capital
  M like upside down Vs." 


  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:

  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by morbit, Erik
  Beaton, HappyToast, Robin, popescock, thekatt,
  Chopper3, Mrs Trellis and bogus official. Where
  did you get those shoes? Where did you get
  those shoes? Tescos. Tescos. Tescos made your
  shoes. Subjlols from Mrs Trellis Additional
  linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. 

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  TOP TIP:
  Make kids' bathtime more fun by gaffer-taping a
  hairdryer to an ice-cream container to make an
  exciting powerboat. (Maudlin McCann)

  FYI: Mitsy writes, "Thanks for doing my top tip
  in the newsletter last week, especially so,
  since you already used it once before. For
  things we'd like to see, how about a Tubgirl
  chocolate fountain? It would make a great
  conversation piece at parties."

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  SICKIPEDIA:
  What do you call a dog with one leg? Heather.	
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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