NEWSLETTER: "MAKE $$$S FAST - HOLD DOWN SHIFT+4"
This Week:
* SONG - Home Taping is Killing Music
* VID - Chatroulette improv song
* PROCRASTINATION - Maybe later
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 420 - 19 MAR 2010
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue420/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cocks, Mobs, Carol Vorderman and Home taping
>> Magenta Cocks <<
A classic B3ta meme is drawing magenta cocks.
Your Ginger Fuhrer is oddly fond of this and has
collected together his personal favourites and
rapped a little ditty. NSFW, and Mrs Fuhrer is
wondering if her husband is having a breakdown,
shouting away in his office about his penis.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Magenta_cocks
>> Carol Vorderman Speak & Spell <<
She must obey your letter-based commands. The
power of Monkeon compels her!
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/vordertron/
>> Mob: A cautionary tale <<
"I did a talk at Ignite London about the
internet suddenly arriving at someone's
doorstep and people getting killed," intones a
sombre Tom Scott. "Don't have nightmares, do
sleep well."
http://www.tomscott.com/mob/
>> "Home Taping Is Killing Music" <<
Dan Bull takes us back to the 80s, as we
remember how taping music off the radio killed
the music industry. Poor old Madonna. Anyway,
this is all in aid of the Don't Disconnect Us
campaign against Peter Mandelson's, frankly
shitty, anti-filesharing bill.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Home_Taping_Is_Killing_M...
http://www.dontdisconnect.us/the-proposals/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals
Last week we asked for your healthcare stories.
Wince with us at tales of joy, woe, pus and
wee. And for a bonus, find out which b3tan
thought he had three balls:**
http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/
* DICK - "Working in Llandough Hospital, just
outside Cardiff. We had our fair share of
Jeremy Kyle rejects, and ... they breed. The
hero of this story is a Senior Registrar in
Obs/Gynae. He had just delivered to this world
a new future car thief, when the male provider
of half of the DNA says "Oi Doc, when can I
'ave sex wiv 'er again?" Our hero, without
dropping a beat, says, "Well, a Gentleman
would wait until the Placenta is delivered."
(micmac)
* MOLE - "Last year I had to go to hospital to
have a mole removed from the end of my penis.
Last time I fuck one of them."
(TheManWithThePlan)
* PANTS - "I once went for an operation on my
ear. I went under the anaesthetic with my pants
on. When I came round, someone had taken them
off. I never got them back."
(Anthropos)
** Yup, it's SpankyHanky
http://b3ta.com/questions/matron/post664334
>> This Week's Question: Ignorance <<
Tell us of times you've been floored by abject
stupidity. Talk to us here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/stupidity/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Best Google Street View Picture Ever <<
Aargh! It's coming right for us!
http://snurl.com/aaaaargh
>> www.thecuntfactory.com <<
Old-school URL redirection makes for lols.
http://www.thecuntfactory.com/
>> Pencil sculptures <<
Incredible structures made entirely from
coloured pencils. One or two look a little bit
NSFW. More than a few look like microscope
photos of viruses that would make your knob
fall off.
http://snurl.com/pencilscupture
>> Massive flashing message <<
Make your own screen-filling, eye-knackering
statement with this handy site. This could be
the killer app the web has been needing.
http://www.bigassmessage.com/14d77ec88
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
like rotten.com in opposite world
>> Jeremy Beadle as a kittin! <<
Now that we've realised what a rich seam of
cute this is, we have the rest of the TTMYGA
team busy in a back room, lightly injuring
tiny animals.
http://cuteoverload.com/2009/05/31/waffles-grabbed...
>> Carrot Cat <<
Meditative cat thinks of converting to Bunnyism.
http://www.forkparty.com/carrots-are-good-for-your...
>> Confused lamb <<
Breaking our no vids in the cute section rule -
there's hours of enjoyment playing with an
enthusiastic baby baa-lamb that has no sense of
direction whatsoever. So cute!
http://www.youtube.com/watch
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Because YouTube IS the internet
>> Hot Chip - I Feel Better <<
This is the weirdest music vid we've seen so
far this year. Didn't really know what they
look like, so we actually thought they might be
a boy band. Nope. Director Big Pete
Serafinowicz has been heavily pimping this on
the web, and rightly so.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> I wanna f*ck you ! <<
Like Richard Stilgoe on viagra, this big-eared
Dutchman tells it like it is.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_wanna_f_ck_you
>> ChatRoulette Improv song <<
Lovely, lovely stuff as a man sings songs about
and plays piano to the people he meets on
ChatRoulette.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/ChatRoulette_Improv_song
>> Procrastination <<
Frighteningly accurate depiction of a typical
day here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Impossible pieces for MIDI-piano <<
Six pieces of music that are impossible for a
human to play. To be honest, they're pretty
hard for a human to listen to, but we love the
concept.
http://snurl.com/impossimidi
>> Spider-lad <<
Over-excited young boy defies gravity. Briefly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Ah_jaysus
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Swallow Systems
"Swallow Systems, not a bad name on its own"
says Mike. "But when your business is based in
Cock Lane? They even had to set up a dummy
address page, as people were getting blocked."
http://www.swallow.co.uk/contacts/contacts.htm
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Opposite Films Challenge
Last week we wanted you to make gags by
reversing the concept of movies.
Our favourites included:
* THE SPY WHO LOATHED ME - worth it simply
because Roger Moore's acting would be identical
for either plot idea - he'd just raise a
laconic eyebrow. (Joe Scaramanga)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9955079
* ROOFER ON THE FIDDLE - If YOU suspect someone
of benefit fraud in your area, contact B3ta
immediately. (Happy Shopper)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958318
* DIVING MISS DASIY - Took us a moment to work
this out and then spluttered OMG that's awful!
(Faceburger)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9958482
Whilst your favourites, using the mighty power
of votes, include:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oppositefilms/
>> New challenge: Make Art More Awesome <<
Ok, inspired by the various arty people that
are getting charity shop art and painting over
it we thought we'd tackle it b3ta-style.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/makeartmoreawesome/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* TUBEWHACKING - Last week we were amazed that
Pimlico is the only station on the Tube that
doesn't use the letters of the word 'badger'
and asked for some sort of online tool to check
this valuable information.
"In a similar vein," informs loveaintgonnawait,
"St John's Wood is the only Tube station to
contain no letters from the word 'Mackerel'."
"Hate to make corrections, (that's a lie, I
love to do it)," corrects richie.g. "But there
are only 270 London Underground stations, not
307 as you claimed. Even if you counted London
Overground, which I expect you have done, that
still only amounts to 305." Damn
On the bright side, @slocey points us to a site
that does exactly what we asked:
http://bengreen.org.uk/tube.html
* TOP 100 FLUFF - "Hello you sexy bastards,"
growls busy phil. "I made a top 100 fluffeh
videos. It was generated from the
fluff-addicted users of Fluff War, which had
it's 500,000th hit the other day!" Congrats,
because that is one and a half Wolverhamptons!
http://walloffluff.com/flufftop100.php
* CLOCKS JOKE - Thanks to the many people who
wrote in to let us know that last weekend was
not, as we claimed, the official return of
British Summertime. Our thoughts and prayers go
out to all you people who rely on b3ta's
taglines for information vital to survival!
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: FRIDAY GAME
Double dildo gaming trouble
* PIXEL BREAKOUT - Imagine if each Breakout
brick was a pixel instead of a block? That
would take ages - thankfully this gag changes
somewhat after a few moments.
http://snurl.com/pixelbreak
* ROBOT WANT KITTY - Fun metroidvania-style
game, perfect for a lazy Sunday morning.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/Hamumu/robot-wants...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* EVERYTHING IS A FUNNER WITH SAUSAGES - we
have a theory that if you substitute the word
sausage into a movie or book title it becomes
funny. The "The Girl with the Sausage Tattoo"
etc. Turn this into some kind of amazing web app.
* CAN YOU BEAT GOOGLE MAPS? You know how London
cabbies do "the knowledge" so what about
setting a random route on Google Maps / Street
Map and you have to drive it with a little
chugg chugg car and if you get the same route
as Google then you win big big points.
* GO GO DOWNLOAD RACERS - when we download
legal but very large files from rapidshare -
the kind that add up to 700mb in 7 handy chunks
we like to place mini bets on which segment
will turn up first.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Roxy_Hart,
redazril, Double 2, Sn0tters, Darklord, Cheeky
Boy! Pazuzu, carly, Yasmeen, BrianGilmore,
Mr._Pickles, Heaping Spoonful, RogueIntruder,
Hey Baberuba, picitujeromanov, I'm dreaming of
a WhiteRussian, Scary, loltard, Darklord
(again), El_MUERkO, Hellzapoppin, Darklord and
theremin Additional linkage and image challenge
by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Subjlols via Rob Lees Jones.
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Isn't it discrimination that Gingers can only
use two lifelines in Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire? (JackDaniels)
BTW: We nearly had a panic attack when we saw
this headline - but no - it's just a silly
headline and not a reference to our godawful
creation.
http://snurl.com/sickipediadramatica
