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NEWSLETTER: "WE BET THE TABLOIDS ARE REALLY HOPING SOMEONE THROWS AN EGG AT NICK CLEGG."

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This Week:
* CRAP OLD WEBSITES - Mocked for your pleasure
* HITLER - Buy a print on Amazon
* SOME SHIT POLITICAL JOKES - ...that'll date badly

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "What do you call a 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   Conservative in a 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  volcano? A lava tory."

B3ta email 425 - 23 Apr 2010

Read this issue as a DRM-protected e-book:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue425/

    Nice people:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Scum:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
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  Fancy going to a festival this summer? Fancy a
  yearís supply of rolling papers? Well you might
  get both if you enter the Smoking Papers Mega
  Free Prize Draw. You could win tickets for
  Great Escape, Global Gathering, NASS and
  Boardmasters and a year's supply of your
  favourite Smoking Papers.
http://bit.ly/akXUvb


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than sending faeces in the post

  >> Tiny Japanese Girl <<
  We popped round Jonti's house the other day to
  check out the shed he's built as a home office
  - it's a truly awesome shed and we're beyond
  jealous, whilst there Jonti mentioned he'd been
  working on a new animation that's taken him
  over 3 months:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/songs/tiny+japanese+girl


  >> US healthcare rap <<
  Another topical rap from Mister Dan Bull.
  Catchy tune, clever lyrics and a nice
  sentiment. All that and Dutch subtitles too -
  awesome!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Some_Americans


  >> Please don't explode us <<
  "I made this animation the other day," explains
  an anonymous b3tan. "But decided I'd have to
  put it out anonymously so no radicalised
  Islamists would decide to blow up my house. If
  there's any room for it in the newsletter this
  week, that'd be ace." Chyeah thanks - so we get
  the flak instead.
http://b3ta.com/links/Massive_Jihad


  >> Your old crap website <<
  "I've started a blog about how amazing websites
  were in the 90s," trills ricomonkeon.
  "Especially Peter Stringfellow's." A lovely bit
  of web archaeology, our favourite discovery
  being that the 1999 website for confectioner
  Thorntons was almost entirely about dinosaurs.
http://youroldcrapwebsite.wordpress.com/


  >> Voice Robot sings Tralala <<
  That weird robot mouth thingy has very much
  been doing the news rounds this week.
  JamTallons presents the technology's most
  obvious application - singing internet troll
  tunes.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Voice_Robot_sings_Tralala


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  TV Adverts

  Last week we asked about TV advertising, the
  highs, the lows and the just arse-puckeringly
  awful:
http://b3ta.com/questions/adverts/

  * PUBLIC INFORMATION FILMS - "I love them. My
   favourite was the one that showed some children
   playing hide and seek in a field. One child
   finds a brilliant hiding place; an abandoned
   fridge! He climbs in and closes the door. Alas
   it's the sort of fridge with a handle which
   locks the door from the outside. Click! One
   child, sealed in a fridge, never to be found
   (presumably until someone comes to clear the
   fridge away, takes a look inside and discovers
   the second-worst thing you could find in a
   fridge, after CheeseStrings)."
   (costas)
     
  * NO SYMPATHY AT ALL - "OK. You can kill me now,
   but I helped produce the Go Compare advert
   music. I didn't write (much) of it but I did
   engineer and master it. YOU think it's annoying?
   try spending weeks in a studio with just that
   on loop."
   (Speshal)
     
  * IT'S JUST SOAP - "Take two bottles into the
   shower? Of course I don't; there's a fucking
   shelf in there."
   (costas)


  >> This Week's Question: Cars <<
  We'd like your car stories. Shout incoherently
  about other people's driving here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/cars/


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  Political T-shirts (sponsored linky)
  
  B3tans! Pull a posh bird by going to the pub
  wearing a David Cameron T-shirt. We'll also
  offer a 15% discount to all readers using code:
  B3TAN, so you can still afford your bus home
  once they realise you won't be able to take
  them on a skiing holiday.
http://tinyurl.com/32ynmyc


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> "Am I dead or not?" <<
  Serial killer Rodney Alcala was also a
  professional photographer, taking hundreds of
  pictures of young women. Now the police have
  put up a gallery, to ask whether any of these
  girls wound up as victims. For added creepy,
  voyeuristic thrills, dig up Alcala's appearance
  as a contestant on the US version of Blind Date.
http://snurl.com/alcala


  >> Crap sci-fi covers <<
  An enviable collection of the most
  extraordinarily cheesy science fiction and
  fantasy paperback covers. There's commentary
  too, but really what more is there to say than
  "lol dragon spaceship boobs!"?
http://www.goodshowsir.co.uk/


  >> 'Time traveller' pic analysed <<
  Is this 1940s photo of a young man in
  anachronistic clothing the long-awaited proof
  that time travel is real? Well, it seems
  unlikely but here's a closer look. 
http://snurl.com/timetraveller


  >> USB Fun <<
  Bloke's plaintive appeal for the return of his
  USB flashdrive. Who says romance is dead?
http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/mis/1701584027.html


  >> Bacon-flavoured envelopes <<
  Here's a taste of the future: bacon. Yes, in
  the future literally everything will taste of
  bacon. And why? Because YOU DEMANDED IT. We
  hope you're happy, wallowing in your
  pig-flavoured dystopia.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/zombies/d4f6/


  >> Lying down game <<
  Photos of people stiffly lying in various
  inconvenient locations. Both better and funnier
  than that sounds.
http://dengedenge.com/2010/04/the-lying-down-game/


  >> Celeb drug scandal <<
  Exclusive! One of Britain's most famous faces
  hoovering up a fat line of coke:
http://i43.tinypic.com/2e2jt5l.jpg


  >> 30 minutes of rain <<
  Very long recording of a rainstorm - useful
  if you have trouble getting to sleep, want to
  sound awesome playing an instrument, or if you
  just miss the traditional sounds of a British
  summer afternoon. (Also the secret as to why
  The Doors Riders on the Storm is such a
  wonderfully atmospheric record.)
http://www.rainymood.com/


  >> Hentai activism <<
  Interesting screed from a group fighting
  obscenity laws about 'non-photographic visual
  depictions of child sexual abuse' on the basis
  that it's not harmful, just abhorrent. Woo.
  Mind you, it's pretty crazy to think you can
  now go to prison for drawing something.
http://www.backlash-uk.org.uk/wp/?page_id=547


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  We predict web video will never catch on

  >> Justin Timberlake Medley <<
  Uber nerds Brett Domino and Steven Peavis
  perform a medley of Justin Timberlake hits
  using stylophones, theramins, ukeleles and
  their own, Northern voices.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Brett_Domino_Justin_Timberlake_Medley


  >> 16 bit-life after the princess has been rescued <<
  The hero of an old run and jump arcade game
  rescues the princess. He doesn't realise his
  troubles have only just begun.
http://snurl.com/16bitreallife


  >> Cameron speech cut-up <<
  The eerily-youthful Conservative Party leader
  reveals his party's secret election manifesto.
  Oh god, that's one of the signs of getting old
  isn't it? Political leaders start looking
  younger.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cameron_Speech_Cut_Up


  >> 3D Masterpiece ad <<
  Swooping in for a 3D look at classic paintings
  reveals... Oh look, whoever's doing Samsung's
  ads at the moment we wish you'd stop. They're
  so bloody good we're having to run them in the
  newsletter for the love of it, rather than
  charging someone a big wodge of cash.
http://snurl.com/3dmasterpiece


  >> Fake accidents from infomercials <<
  Never have you seen such piss-poor acting
  collected up into one easy-to-consume video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08xQLGWTSag


  >> David Cameron sings Common People <<
  Really rather good lyrics - enjoyable lines
  such as, "He told me his dad was loaded, I said
  'mine too we should run this country.'" 
http://tinyurl.com/2wa9jrt


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Stop raping our eyes, this is hell

  * VATICAN PENIS SHOCKER - "I've just noticed
  something about where the Pope lives", writes
  Jimbotfu, "blimey!"
http://snurl.com/lolvatican

  * HITLER PIC FOR SALE ON AMAZON - "This print
  certainly adds a certain feeling of gravitas to
  my child's bedroom", writes one keen review.
  Maybe you'd like to add others? 
http://tinyurl.com/23hrvmq


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Opposite Signs Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to use antonyms
  to give us alternative versions of 
  classic signs 

  Your favourites included:
 
  * PENGUINS - health and safety advice
    turned upside-down by Antarctic folk 
    (pzyko)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10007813

  * HORSES - classic wordplay featuring
    talented art nag (Puromycin)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10007100

  * WOMBLES - London Underground sign 
    punned to devastating effect 
    (Afinkawan)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10005741

    All these images, and the highest as
    voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/oppositesigns/


  >> New challenge: Flowcharts & Infographics <<
  Open up Photoshop, and show us the truth 
  about anything, using the medium of 
  infographic and flowchart
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/infographics/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * B3TAN GETS INTO GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS -
  and no, it's not a pie-eating competition, he's
  visiting as many countries as possible in a
  year. So far he's up to 133 and hopes to reach
  200. 
http://snurl.com/whatididonmyhols


  * A CURE FOR GETTING OLD? -"Well, You asked for
  it," writes Ace McAce ,"Here's a crazy man
  telling us that living to 1,000 years old is
  easy.  The idea of watching a 20 minute long
  lecture might not seem that fun, but it's
  actually really interesting!" We can't really
  be arsed to sit though this. Life's too short.
http://snurl.com/cutoutthebooze


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  We've giving you two. Two. It rhymes with poo.
  
  * SYDNEY SHARK - "Best sequel ever to best game
  ever" writes ToastMaster.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/533302 

  * MARIO GAME - "Runny jumpy collecty coiny
  thing," writes moogthedog, "And every time he
  does, he's joined by a friend. Bit weird, bit
  mad, but fun - Some levels are more of a puzzle
  than may be expected."
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/enough-plumbers/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * Money
  * Sex
  * Ice cream

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Bitlow,
  Linkin_Parker, asciifaceofbob, Bob The Frog,
  DefyingDarwin, littlefish, aliveinabox,
  collapsibletank.
  Additional linkage and image challenge by 
  Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via The Coast Of Yemen.
  
-------------------------------------------------
 
  TOP TIP:
  If you ever need insoles in a hurry, panty
  liners are perfect; they stick down, absorb
  sweat and you can cut them to the right size.
  Just make sure you're not going on a plane, it
  can be embarrassing when you have to take your
  shoes off for the security to look in!
  (mellocakes)

-------------------------------------------------

  Do you think David Cameron's arse gets jealous
  about the amount of shit that constantly comes
  out of his mouth? (lp ben)
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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