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This Week:
* SONG - Twitter Synth Pop
* VID - Hawking Rap Battle
* TRAUMA - B3tan Nights Out

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're typing in    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    web listings...
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       together"

B3ta email 473 - 1 Apr 2011

Read this issue on ticker tape:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue473/

       Kisses:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
       Pisses:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
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http://tinyurl.com/62237nh 


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than making poos

  >> Where the fuck is this? <<
  "Ever see a nice location on flickr or
  whereever, wanted to go there, but don't know
  where it is?" asks Peter. "Us too." Now you can
  submit photos and crowdsource your way to a new
  holiday destination.
http://www.wherethefuckisthis.com


  >> Twitter synthpop <<
  Because "what the world needs now is synthpop
  about Twitter," explains Ricardo Autobahn.
  Should be popular on Twitter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojOXo1tbc9s


  >> Jack draws anything <<
  "This is my kid," proudly boasts Jack's dad. "He
  is 6 and is raising money for the hospital that
  saved his brother's life by drawing *anything*.
  Please don't take the piss, he is doing really
  well and has raised 7K so far!"
http://jackdrawsanything.com/


  >> Cassetteboy vs. The Hairy Bikers <<
  "The usual smut," promises hirsute cut-up genius
  Cassetteboy. Kind of NSFW, as the Brummie cooks
  take on Britain's mums.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Cassetteboy_vs_The_Hairy_Bikers


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: I SPOT IMPROMPTU GAMES

  Your newsletter team has produced another of
  their 'I Spots' for E4. This mostly concerns the
  stupid games we play to pass the time whilst
  walking the streets. Like going from A to Z
  in popstars.
http://www.e4.com/wtf/ispot-games/index.html


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Nights Out Gone Wrong

  Out the door with best of intentions go our
  lovely, innocent B3tans. Till they get a drink
  down them, that is. Then, all sorts of wrong
  goes on:
http://b3ta.com/questions/nightsoutgonewrong/


  * FOX BITES DRUNKEN TWAT - "I'll never live down
  my first night out at Uni. I was a fresh-faced
  country boy, enthralled to the pleasures of the
  big city (well OK, Nottingham), and wasn't yet
  fully versed in the dark arts of getting
  completely twatted. I'd already spectacularly
  vomited through my nose after snorting
  Aftershock, when... there was a fox. Being from
  the country I'd never actually seen one up
  close: city foxes are different to country ones
  - they have no absolutely no fear. "Look, ish a
  Fox!!" I cried, loping off towards it clutching
  a pint of Guinness. I got within about 5m of it,
  wavering slightly. It stared at me. I stared at
  it. It seemed to beckon me closer with its eyes.
  Its big, friendly, I-just-want-to-be-stroked fox
  eyes. "It wants to be my friend!", I thought,
  "But how do I demonstrate that my intentions are
  benign?" The answer was obvious. I needed to
  feed it Guinness. I bent down slightly and
  extended my pint. The fox approached closer, I
  closer still. It sniffed the Guinness, tilted
  its little foxy-face quizzically and tasted the
  Guinness! Success! Inter-species understanding
  had been achieved! It then savaged my hand and I
  had to go to A&E for a bandage, a tetanus jab,
  and to be laughed at by the hospital staff."
  (gibbletwunt)
 	 
  * ROOKY PULLING ERROR - "Turning to the man
  behind me, I slurred, "I think I've pulled
  here." I most definitely hadn't. And informing
  her boyfriend of my intentions ensured the only
  thing I took home was a black eye."
  (nightbuffalo)
	 
  * PUBLIC HUMILIATION - "I got so pissed I fell
  asleep on the toilet. I woke after god knows how
  long with numb legs and dribble down my shirt.
  Slipped out of my shoes to creep into the
  bedroom so as not to disturb The Lovely Mrs Ring
  Of Fire... and found myself standing in the
  public bar of my local with a shoe in each
  hand." (Ring Of Fire)


  >> This week's question: Irrational hatred <<
  People who say "less" when they mean "fewer"
  ought to be turned into soup, the soup fed to
  baboons and the baboons fired into an active
  volcano. What has you grinding your teeth with
  rage, and why? Fume here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/irrationalhatred/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  * WILL THE LAST PERSON LEFT IN EUROPE PLEASE
  TURN OUT THE LIGHTS? - As the banks and
  globalisation have turned our world to shit, the
  young of Ireland are upping sticks to look for
  fortune elsewhere. A photographic record of
  those on the move:
http://bit.ly/hKzouX


  * BOO HOO A BAD REVIEW - Everywhere this week
  was the story about author Jacqueline Howett
  complaining about getting a bad review. The
  perverse thing is, she'll probably now sell a
  crapload of shitty books.
http://goo.gl/xYWFO

 
  * HOW TO HIDE A PLANE - Before Lockheed Martin
  were mostly concerned with knowing which
  supermarkets we visit or selling arms to the
  highest bidder, they actually did some pretty
  nifty shizzle:
http://stories-etc.com/hidden.htm


  * AMAZON SPRINKLER FUN
    1. Click linky
    2. Click "see all customer images"
    3. Lol
http://goo.gl/e6k8E 


  * 4-PANEL PEANUTS CARTOONS - if you remove the
  final punchline panel they become rather bleak
  little snapshots of misery. Wonder what effect
  this would have on other comics?
http://3eanuts.tumblr.com/


  * CANNON & BALL ALBUM - This oddity was made in
  the 80s when center-of-the-road comics Cannon &
  Ball were still popular. Click on a song to hear
  it, complete with lyrics; it's proper car crash
  stuff. The cover of Oliver's Army is something
  really special though & we're sure Elvis
  Costello wished he'd done a stand-up routine at
  the end.
http://goo.gl/q26Da


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like RudeTube with jokes (and no Alex Zane)

  >> Slippery Bieber - not <<
  Justin Bieber (favourite of teenage
  bean-flickers from Scunthorpe to Vladivostock)
  plus Slipknot (a gaggle of lumpen 30-something
  men in masks) equals this: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kspPE9E1yGM


  >> James Goldsmith was psychic<<
  His eyes are scary but when it comes to
  predicting the outcome of globalization, James
  Goldsmith knew the score. This was back in 1994,
  when most of us were just wittering on about
  Blur versus Oasis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PQrz8F0dBI


  >> iPad 2 for pervs <<
  If you ever see someone with an iPad 2 covered
  in clingfilm, it means they are a perv who wants
  to see if ladies (or even chaps) are wearing any
  knickers. This explains how:
http://t.co/CUlZO6c


  >> Einstein vs Hawking <<
  Hawking has been a b3ta favourite since the dawn
  of time and tributes to the world's most famous
  dalek-voiced wheelchair user don't come much
  better than this. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Einstein_vs_Hawking


  >> Retro game deaths <<
  Our inner Goth delighted at this surprisingly
  poignant collection of deaths in 80's and 90's
  games and there's also a nice computer game
  version of 'Mad World' by those Arthur Janov
  inspired synth popsters Tears for Fears.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Game_Deaths


  >> Foamy Japanese LOLS <<
  In the tradition of Takeshi's Castle or Japanese
  Endurance, a group of Japanese people play
  Russian roulette using a Nerf gun with a pin
  attached to the end. Silly but surprisingly
  tense.
http://goo.gl/JgSpc


  >> Weebl's Amazing Horse song plus an Amazing Horse <<
  Here some people singing an acoustic version of
  Weebl's horse song - in front of an actual
  horse. Peculiar but in a good way.
http://goo.gl/XueXT


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Still here, still shit

  Cal488 writes, "Here's one of Holland's foremost
  experts on reproductive issues."
http://home.medewerker.uva.nl/a.p.hardon/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Cheese Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to fiddle around with
  photoshop in hope of raising a cheap laugh
  concerning cheese.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * GANGSTER - classic film still re-worked via
  the medium of mouse and cheese (E Dubya)
http://b3ta.com/board/10371959

  * COCK - how Swiss cheese is created, in
  delightfully-pencilled cartoon form (Drimble)
http://b3ta.com/board/10376229

  * POEM - thrilling yet disturbing curds and
  whey-based poetry. Think Poe, but with cheese
  (The magic of chutney)
http://b3ta.com/board/10373600


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cheese/


  >> New challenge: Old Time Adverts <<
  This week's challenge is to design old- time
  adverts from the days before we knew better -
  cigarettes that keep you healthy, soap that
  makes housewives love their husbands more and
  super-fast cookers using the wonders of radium.
  Challenge suggested by Mystery_Bob.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/oldadverts/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * THE ROYAL MUG WAS REAL - IdiotSvengali writes,
  "Thankyou Guandong Enterprises, it's beautiful."
http://plixi.com/p/88123967

 
  * PROPS FOR NEWSLETTER CO-WRITER DAVE - jellytip
  writes, "Hi b3ta, I was really struck by the
  quality of cartoon / caricature in this -. Is
  there any chance the artist (David Stevenson?)
  could make a tutorial (no kittehs or goatses
  needed) on how to do this? Seriously, it's
  awesome work and I'd be stoked to see how this
  is achieved. If he can't be arsed (it's not like
  I'm offering money or anything, but would
  happily stump up a tenner to his favourite
  charity) - a link to a good tutorial of this
  kind would be equally appreciated. Thanks, love
  your work! G :)"
http://www.e4.com/wtf/internet-hoax/index.html


  * B3TAN'S WORK ENDS UP IN DAILY MAIL (AGAIN) -
  if we didn't hate the DM so much we'd just skip
  publishing the newsletter, send all your work
  directly to them and collect the cheque.
http://goo.gl/UXOQT


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Space is Key - one-button flash game 
  
  Loving this game where you just press Space to
  play. Great music too. 
http://armorgames.com/play/10912/space-is-key


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * TROLLBUSTERS - We need a list of journalists
  who troll for a living and a browser plugin that
  hides their posts. What bliss that would be. Or
  at least flashes "WARNING! TROLLAGE!" in big
  back letters. Jan Moir and Toby Young, we know
  where you live.

  * LOL O CLOCK TWITTER ACCOUNT - and at 7:07
  everyday it sends you the most lolsome link of
  the b3ta /links board that day.

  * TROUBLEMAKERS ANONYMOUS - jim asks, "We've
  just been stuffed on a payment from a bloke who
  asked us to promote the sale of his 1m villa in
  Tuscany. I'd like some clever b3tard to create a
  site that outs these eejits/their companies
  without incurring the wrath of libel laws."

  Send anal warts via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by whitedot,
  @erinclaire, tacpprm, Funt, nowaydude,
  Pedantichrist, davebirss, stubbledchin,
  Hellzapoppin DaveExclamationMark and WiL. Top
  Tippery by sandettie light vessel automatic.
  Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Newsletter
  subjlols via yanmania.


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  TOP TIP:
  Blokes! Keep your partner happy by sprinkling
  drinking chocolate down your hogs-eye for that
  extra special romantic cocoa-spunk treat.

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