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This Week:
* HIPHOP - About shopping centres
* SPAMBOT - Jon Ronson vs mecha-Jon Ronson
* BUMTHING - Draw Something gone wrong

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "Wool is the opium 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      of the sheeple"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 522  - 30 MAR 2012

Read this issue with your braille-sensitive penis:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue522 

     In Crowd :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Un-In Crowd : b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Tyres, Driving, Republicans and Cats

  >> Killer tyre attacks youths <<
  "Shocking video," boasts maiden, who has
  cunningly reversed a viral vid currently doing
  the rounds. Bam! Right in the kisser!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Killer_tyre_attacks_youths


  >> Savlonic : The Driver <<
  "We've slaved over this," admits weebl, of the
  latest vid for his electropop project Savlonic.
  He really has pulled out all the stops for this
  - simply gorgeous.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Savlonic_The_Driver


  >> Republican Rap Battle <<
  "This pretty much sums up each candidate's
  position in a couple of seconds," informs a
  public service-minded Dan Bull. "I wish all
  political discourse was conducted in rhyme
  format." We would vote Santorum based solely on
  this.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Republican_Rap_Battle


  >> Monster cat vs shoe <<
  "May I present to you 'Monster Cat Vs. Shoe',"
  enquires Cope&Dalton. "Or 'How We Wasted
  Last Weekend'" Daft, but we liked it.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/MONSTER_CAT_VS_SHOE


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  My First Internets

  We wanted your first experiences of the internet.
  We got your first experiences of porn on the
  internet. Anybody would think that was all it
  was for:
http://b3ta.com/questions/internethistory/

  * HISTORY - "My Dad retired before computers
  became commonplace in offices and the whole
  'internet' thing simply passed him by. A
  couple of years ago my sister and I decided to
  get the folks online. We purchased a
  half-decent PC and sorted a broadband
  connection. I sat my 75yr-old Dad down for the
  first time in front of a gleaming, empty
  Google page and explained how it all worked.
  'So I just type what I'm interested in into
  this and the computer will give me all the
  information?' He asked incredulously. Yup. I
  replied. It's that simple. We started with his
  name. Fortunately it is an unusual name, so
  the results were few and surprisingly
  detailed. We found a family tree by a US
  relative, we spent ages on the census site, we
  looked for his old pals on friendsreunited and
  watched endless YouTube clips of 1950s motor
  racing (he loves that stuff). A couple of
  weeks later, I popped in to say hi - but Dad
  was on the golf course. So I peeked into his
  study, the PC was on and the BBC weather page
  was flickering on the screen. Great, I
  thought, he's really getting into this,
  checking the Beeb for the forecast before
  playing a round. I wonder what else he's been
  up to... So I checked out his history. Oh. My.
  Fucking. God. I have no father." (Albert
  Marshmallow)
	 
  * FAVOURITES - "I was about 12-13. We had
  recently got the internet at home so when I
  was alone I obviously went looking for porn. I
  found a few images and decided to save them on
  the computer. "I'll keep them well hidden," I
  said to myself, "in some obscure hidden folder
  where no-one will find them." Where did I end
  up putting them? Only the fucking startup
  folder so they all popped up next time someone
  turned the computer on." (styler_moses)
	 
  * SEARCH - "Not mine, but the art director I
  worked with needed a specific type of New York
  street scene for an ad he was creating, and
  decided he'd try looking outside commercial
  image libraries. He suddenly started saying
  "Oh... No... Oh God no... Make it stop...
  Cannot unsee..." etc etc. And then a short
  pause before he announced, "Never do an image
  search for steaming manholes." (prince-igor)


  >> This Week - The Great Outdoors <<
  Camping! Hiking! Other stuff that's not
  indoors! Regale us with your tales of the
  great outdoors, whether it involves being
  rogered by the Scout Master or skinning your
  first rabbit:
http://b3ta.com/questions/thegreatoutdoors/


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  Or just go here and buy funny t-shirts and
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http://www.shotdeadinthehead.com


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  If you like to make a statement, then finish it
  with "Simples!" please unsubscribe from this
  newsletter. You are not welcome here.

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Gif couture <<
  No longer the exclusive preserve of the nerdy
  and outcast, the humble gif is now toast of the
  glitzy fashion houses. In other news, these
  animated layouts of fashion campaigns are
  amazing and mad.
http://t.co/C4QT8ldH


  >> Hah! Gaaaaay! <<
  A witless catcall from the back of the class,
  at just the touch of a button. This modern life
  of ours, so full of wonder and convenience.
http://hahgay.com/


  >> Tweety toilet roll <<
  Print your Twitter feed onto bog paper, to
  properly indulge your hatred of your wretched,
  socially mediatized existence.
http://www.getshitter.com/


  >> "My real mother is an alien" <<
  Recently-elected politician failed to mention
  his personal beliefs until safely after voting
  ended. "I get more common sense out of the
  aliens than out of Scarborough Town Hall," he
  says. How odd - perhaps he's making some
  oblique point about being religious. Or perhaps
  not.
http://t.co/hPskalID


  >> Worst of Draw Something <<
  Draw Bumthing: The very definition of 'quick
  and dirty'.
http://drawbumthing.tumblr.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  What do you get if you cross a TV with the web?
  Transvestite spiders.

  >> Bulgarian 'Married With Children' <<
  The popular 80s TV comedy has been remade in
  Bulgaria and it's like a bad cover version -
  quite compelling if you're familiar with the
  original. Other remakes include an Argentine
  version 'Casados Con Hijos' and one in Hungry,
  "A gruesomely decent family in Budapest".
http://bit.ly/H3pRtK


  >> Come to the Pentagon Shopping Centre <<
  Few adverts are as ill-judged and sinister as
  this. Everything about it that could be wrong
  is wrong - wonderful stuff, and we very much
  hope it's real and not some hipster nonsense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCNzpw-sK88


  >> Jon Ronson vs Jon Ronson Spambot <<
  Journalist Ronson is a popular chap on Twitter,
  so popular that someone set up a fake Ronson
  account tweeting nonsense. Ronson goes to meet
  them and they're much weirder than you'd
  expect. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Jon_Ronson_vs_His_Spambot


  >> Women's gym machines from the 1940s <<
  The one at the start is wanking them like
  they're huge, 5'6" lady-penises. Hmm, might
  have to go for a bit of a lie down.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Womens_gym_exercises_from_the_1940s


  >> "Freestyler" parody on Russian television. <<
  Unsure if this is a sketch or an actual bit of
  a Russian show like Moscow's Got Talent but
  it's pretty entertaining either way. BTW: The
  name Bomfunk MC is a radio-safe version of
  their original name The Bumfuck MCs.
http://bit.ly/Hp845F


  >> Painting a room - death metal style <<
  Boys being idiots but amusing idiots.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Painting_a_room_death_metal_style


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Epic Sax Game

  More 8-bit lols in this Guitar Hero style midi
  sax game. Bleepingly good.
http://www.pippinbarr.com/games/epicsaxgame/EpicSaxGame.html


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Trademarks Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to mess with copyright.
 
  Your favourites included:

  * ANGRY: searing political satire in frank,
  state-of-the-nation Photoshop strip
  (monkeon) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10728009

  * CLEVER: GOP logo re-branding exercise leads
  to subliminal Nazi propaganda (Brian O'Blivion)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10724662

  * BUNNY: children's favourite finds gainful
  employment in sex industry (HappyToast) 
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10724454

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/trademarks/


  >> New challenge: Extreme Toys <<
  This week's challenge is take kid's toys,
  introduce them to the world of extreme sports,
  and picture them partaking in such events. It's
  entirely gnarly.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/extreme/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SCRAMBLED EDD RIP - "Don't know if you've
  heard", writes Happy Toast, "but Edd Gould
  (Edds World) died on Sunday, at the very least
  can you put a thing in the newsletter."
http://b3ta.com/links/771349


  * LONDON B3TA ART AUCTION - HappyToast again
  writes, "The 2012 London B3ta Bash online art
  auction starts next Monday! Look at what's up
  for grabs here."
http://b3ta.com/links/749374"


  * I SPOTTED HEATHER MILLS - SauronWibble
  writes, "In regards to the Rock'n'roll tedium
  post in last week's newsletter: I just wanted to
  add that the closest I've ever been to a Beatle
  was seeing Heather Mills limp onto a train I was
  on, she got on (cue a few women actually
  yelling as if she was a 'celeb'), then she
  disappeared into the toilet. 10 minutes later
  she emerges to a flash of iPhones and delirious
  squeaking, gets her laptop out and turns it
  away from me and glares as if I was trying to
  look at it (I wasn't). Turns out she wasn't
  dodging a ticket, the whole carriage started to
  smell like her big poo. Shit stinks Heather,
  your shit stinks."


  * PSYCHOPATHIC EMAIL OF THE WEEK THAT HAS
  UTTERLY NO CONTEXT - dussiper writes, "Wes. I
  see you're up to your usual crap, not letting
  people win. Why don't you just disappear from
  the earth you assho(*&(*^&. You don't know the
  first thing about doing business in tha
  USA........"
  

  * CATS4GOLD REDUX - Cats4Gold writes, "Cat
  Converters launches new website for
  cash-strapped cat owners..." We're highly
  impressed that they've managed to wrest the web
  domain from the grasp of the powerful Catalytic
  Converter cartel...
http://www.catconverters.com


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include:

  * TWITTER THEORY - Who you follow: what you
  want to be. Who follows you: what you actually
  are. Can anyone test this?

  * SPIN DICTIONARY - Turns out that "Britain is
  open for business" was code for "fire sale of
  publicly-owned assets." We need a dictionary of
  this stuff.
  
  * INTERNATIONAL HOLE COMPETITION - dig a hole,
  keep digging, who can dig the furthest?

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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   Chumbags :  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
   Scumbags :  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @pieceoplastic,
  @DAGaston, @davebirss, @cr3, @pablo100, @codepo8,
  @hollybrocks, Lee Nolan, Hardfarter, Stashie, 
  sinisterduck. Top tip via Theophilous Thunderwulf. 
  Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. 
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Trying to help someone who's choking on an ice
  cube? Simply pour boiling water down their
  throat. Problem solved.

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