NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 80: "FUCK RED NOSE DAY, LOOK AT THIS"
This Week:
* GAME - Nun Lander
* ANIM - Weebl Parody / Reader Challenge
* QUIZ - Where the fuck do Abba come from?
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 80 - 14 Mar 2003
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: NUN LANDER
Luna Lander remade with Nuns. Of course.
Brian Mung writes -
"Hi B3ta. How's tricks? I made my first game so
I thought I'd send it your way. You have to
land a flying nun."
Wow. We love this. It's not a very hard game
but it's lovely and it's funny. Go Brian. We
want more stupid games from you.
http://www.brianmung.com/nunlander.htm
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: WEEBL & BOB PARODY
Can you do better?
Jonti Picking has become rightly famous for
his fantastic series of cartoons. He now has
ladies, TV fame and bags of cash.
And now? He wants you to do his work for him.
Cheeky beggar. He's asking for animators to
get in touch and guest direct episodes of his
long running animation.
B3ta editor Rob Manuel has got in there first
and err... taken the piss. Have a look - and
have a go if you think you're good enough.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/asshat.htm
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: NORTHERN EUROPEAN QUIZ
'cause foreigners all look the same
Artamnesia writes -
"I made another quiz! Are they Swiss, Swedish,
Danish or Dutch? You need to match the celebrity
to their nationality. That Dutch thing throws
me every time."
Warning: It's very hard. We suggest calling
some workmates over and doing it as a group.
http://www.modestypanel.com/SSDorD/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Jacko, Snoods, Kitty 1, Swear, Bush, Kitty 2
>> Jacko Game <<
"I was concerned that Martin Bashir's
documentary destroyed some of the 'weirdness'
about Michael Jackson", writes IZB, "So I'm
putting it back." Ok. For those at the back.
IZB has taken the basic idea from 80s arcade
favourite Gravitar/Thrust and err added
Jacko. Obvious really and an extremely
taxing game.
http://www.yeahbutisitart.com/flash/baby-balance/
>> Dogs In Snoods <<
Remember the snood? We didn't and so we googled
it. Apparently it's an 80s fashion craze that's
inexplicably retained its popularity in the
canine world. Look! Dogs! Wearing stupid clothes!
http://b3ta.com/features/dogs-in-snoods/
>> Hunt the Kitty Game<<
"Try and find the little trapped kitty by
listening out for his plaintive meows.", writes
Jez, "But be quick, he might run out of air!"
Think of the Hotter/Colder kids game but with
kittens. Turn on your speakers else you'll not
do very well.
http://mysite.freeserve.com/jezturner/catgame.html
>> Can You Swear in Foreign? <<
A few months back we featured DIYJoe's Simon
Swears game. As you might imagine, it was a
version of the 70s memory game with added
profanity. Now DIYJoe is selflessly attempting
to allow foreigners to play too. He's already
made a version in Portuguese and he's looking for
gutter mouthed foulness in other languages. Can
you swear in another language? Eskimos have
40,000 words for snow - how many do they have
for cunt?
http://www.diyjoe.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/simonswears...
>> Bush / Blair Political Animation <<
"With the current situation in the Middle East,
writes Winkles, "I though I'd make some kind
of a biting political satire, but I couldn't be
arsed so I made this instead." Er.. We normally
don't like political stuff but this is so silly
that it made us laugh.
http://www.winkleman.co.uk/war.html
>> Stroke the Kitty Game <<
"I've made a new game", writes Jibbed, "I've
named it Kitty Stroke. The cat needs your help.
She's in dire need of some serious stroking
action. Stroke that cat as if your life
depended on it." TIP: The aim of the game is
to follow the cat with your cursor. Great.
[link deleted coz of advertising pop ups]
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: B3TA EASTER PARTY
11th April 2003
What could be better than drinking so much that
you vomit on your own shoes and attempt to
have fucky with a lamppost? Nothing. Nothing on
Earth except for the B3ta party.
Full details and map on our fantastic flyer
designed by the very lovely Denise Wilton.
(She'll be having a Jack Daniels and Diet Coke
and it's your round.)
http://www.b3ta.com/party/easter.gif
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: 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
Short anims from B3ta people
>> Willy Construction Kit <<
"This is short and crappy", writes SimonP, "but
I like it." And so do we. Yay.
http://www.marshallsoftware.co.nz/b3ta/simonp/will...
>> Aero-bollocks <<
"We did this silly cartoon", type Mr.Mantlepies
& Mr.Fancyteeth, "It's got balls in it."
http://www.mantlepies.com/balls.html
>> Endangered Birds <<
"I'm trying to learn flash", writes Chicago Dave
"Is it funny?" Yes Dave, it is. Please do more
flash stuff.
http://www.limpfish.com/planes/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Homemade Tank <<
The prestigious B3ta Best Dad In The World Award
goes to William Johns for building his son a fully
powered 1/5 scale Sherman Tank. Wicked. We
wish our dads built us stuff like that instead
of watching cricket all day and procrastinating
about painting the window sills.
http://www.gizmology.net/tanks.htm
>> Topless DJ <<
Introducing Portia Surreal - she's a marketing
dream. She's beautiful and she DJs with her
tits out. If B3ta ran a record label we'd sign
her and give her a number 1 record. And cry when
she left us for a footballer.
http://www.portiasurreal.com/
>> Toddlers on Motorbikes <<
The latest craze sweeping Japan? We haven't got
a foggiest but we do like these pictures of
children on motorbikes. It looks horrifically
dangerous and is probably a human rights abuse
but that doesn't stop it being cool.
http://members.jcom.home.ne.jp/okuchanwinds/others...
>> Why not be an extra in a zombie film? <<
Simon Pegg - the guy from the UK comedy show
Spaced - is putting together a Zombie film.
His team is looking for extras to play Zombies.
If you've got some free time and very bad skin
then get it touch, it sounds like a lot of fun.
http://snurl.com/ygo
>> Japanese English Lesson <<
Foreign language lessons are ripe for biting
satire. See those language schools wither in
the blazing scorn of this gentle-hearted
parody. We like the lion. Grr.
http://www.americakokki.com/english.html
>> Mussolini Pop Video <<
That Read My Lips clip with George Bush and
Tony Blair has done the email rounds a lot
recently. We've seen it about 40,000,000
times. This clip, featuring Mussolini, isn't
quite as politically relevant, but it's still
fantastic. He's our 2nd favourite 20th century
dictator and it looks like he's having an
absolutely brilliant time. We want to join in.
http://snurl.com/wtg
>> Dildo Song <<
How would you advertise a dildo? Probably not
like this. This cheery little 1950s style
video celebrates the wonders of the plastic
cock. You'll be humming the song for days.
As long as you remember to hum and don't
sing the words too. People would spurn you.
http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles2/www.kicken.com-d...
>> Arty Anagrams <<
Artist Scott Kim has an unusual hobby. He looks
for words that can be read differently upside
down. He has to use some weird fonts to get the
effect to work but we guess it keeps him off
the streets.
http://www.scottkim.com/inversions/index.html#gallery
>> Records that should never have been made <<
Call yourself a music lover? Then don't bother with
this. Here is a collection of the worst tunes
committed to vinyl. We especially liked track 8,
The Slave by Buck Ritchie, a booming cautionary
tale about LSD and being a hippy. Put that in
your crack pipe and smoke it, you straights.
http://www.danacountryman.com/coolandstrange/comp....
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: LIFE OUTSIDE THE COMPUTER
Magazines, Telly etc.
* WORD MAGAZINE - newly launched UK magazine
from the team behind Q & Mojo. Brilliant.
It's old farts living in the present: Elvis
Costello on Pop Idol, Tony Wilson on his
frustrations with the Internet, "Will someone
please invent money?" and Andrew Harrison
loving his iPod. We liked it so much that we
subscribed.
* CELEBRITY FAME ACADEMY - Did you see Ruby
Wax? Wow. Her Ethel Merman inspired version
of Abba's Money Money Money was hilarious.
If G.A.Y. doesn't book her B3ta will eat it's
big gay hat.
* REBORN IN THE USA - PopStars meets I'm A
Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Our money's on
Haydon Eshun and Gina G's great legs. Shame
Mark Shaw stormed off tho. The producers should
have bunged him 20k to stay on. Idiots make
the best TV.
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Apocalypse Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted 'Portents of the Apocalypse':
http://b3ta.com/challenge/apocalypse/
We asked B3ta boarder 'ediblevomit' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
EdibleVomit writes -
#1 "The four horsemen's reign of terror -
Definitely my favourite. It made me snort
for the first time since I was 11. (Mozza)
http://b3ta.com/board/890985
#2 "Untitled - Very Classy indeed, one of the
best quality competition entries i have
seen! (Eclectech)
http://b3ta.com/board/890508
#3 "This would make me think something was
up - I like the simplicity of this, very
nicely done, one of the few pictures to
have made me spit food onto my monitor."
(ducklips)
http://b3ta.com/board/889850
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor Dutchbird gave us
the suggestion, "Euphemisms"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/euphemisms/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* MOBILE PHONE RACING - Steve Denton writes,
"My mates like to amuse ourselves by holding
mobile phone races: set them on vibrate mode
put them on the table. Ring them. They vibrate
and move in funny ways - some spin round in
circles, others move forwards or sideways.
We haven't found an overall winner yet so
perhaps your readers would like to do some
research, and film it?"
* NEW TWIST ON BARBIE SEX - people keep
submitting this stuff. Can you make it
different? Maybe Ken could be bum raping
Tiny Tears?
* SHITLOADS OF CASH - this probably won't
work but it's true. We would like lots
of money. Maybe you could rob your local
chemist? Or go on the game?
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David "Hot Lips" Stevenson.
Links sent in by Fraser, Dan Century,
Asteriod.M, The Face, Jack Dougherty,
and Sharruma.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the b4ta's of mass destruction.
(61627) Yay.
