NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 95 : "FRENCH DOG SINGS POP"
This Week:
* VIDEO - French dog sings pop
* ANIM - the return of Mr Stabby
* CHALLENGE - International Smoking Day results
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 95 - 04 Jul 2003
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
France, Stabby, Hillbilly, Fire, Blobs & Spam
>> French dog sings pop <<
"Hi!" writes Sev, "I'm French and I like your
stuff! Please go to my website." So we did
and really enjoyed his charming low budget
video of a nodding dog singing disgusting French
pop. Brilliant. Evil video directors: rip this
guy off now. Or hire him.
http://www.magentaprod.com/gonna%20party.ram
>> Mr Stabby the magician <<
Weebl continues his ultraviolent series of
cartoons with this foray into light
entertainment. We hate the ending, though.
He should have a wank. Obviously.
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/18/
>> Hillbilly banjo varmints <<
Everybody knows Deliverance. You might not
have seen the film, but you'll recognise the
tune. Dylan Mackey has made this fantastic
Deep South-themed animation to keep it fresh
in your mindlet.
http://homepages.nildram.co.uk/~blagger/the_duel.h...
>> Zyk0tiK on fire 3 <<
Zyk0tiK just doesn't care anymore. He's setting
fire to himself willy-nilly. And dancing.
Dancing. We're worried we've encouraged him
somehow. Hope he doesn't jump off any buildings.
Or turn lead into gold.
http://www2.b3ta.com/b/zyk0tik3/
>> Unlucky blobs <<
"I've just finished the second blob animation,"
writes GR££DY. "Fate does not smile on blobs."
A melancholic musing on the infinite badness of
life. With bees.
http://www.distaste.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/blob2.htm...
>> Scammers scammed II <<
We've all had those Nigerian scam emails.
Recently we brought you a guy who actually
tracked them down and photographed them. This
week; Ebolamonkeyman. "It started as a hobby,
but now it's a little more than that." he says.
He's been arranging to meet them and getting
them to hold up comedy signs at the airport.
http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com
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: B3TA SECOND BIRTHDAY PARTY
Friday 18th July 2003, London UK.
UPDATE: Now featuring the live debut of
Dapper Clown Posse.
It's going to rock. Come.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/2ndbirthday.gif
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Nihilism for kids <<
"I took a photo," writes Reverend Dan, "Of this
absolute genius picture by a 6 year-old on
Teletext." Blimey. Kids go through puberty
earlier and earlier these days. Something
to do with beef hormones.
http://www.datchet.demon.co.uk/teletext.jpg
>> Japanese magic hands man <<
Pop 'n' Music is a musical game like an
advanced version of Simon Says. It's fucking
difficult. Unless you're some kind of crazy
zen maniac and play it from dawn to dusk every
day. Like this guy obviously does. Look at
him go. We'd love to see him wank.
http://s89.tku.edu.tw/~489192053/kusos.com.12.22.m...
>> "I've got a jumbo... in my shed" <<
Maggie Thatcher: Wonder what Denis is up to
now? He is probably in Bloke Heaven, building
a 737 flight simulator, to scale using real
parts. Like these fine fellows. Where's your
goldtop now? Milk snatcher.
http://www.737sim.com/Updates.htm
>> Octopus/sausage translator <<
Won't your child eat meat? Fool them, with a
handy and stylish device that renders a
frankfurter into an eight-limbed denizen of
the deep. Don't put it on your knob, though.
Like we did. Ow - Octocock. But the ladies
love it.
http://www.octodog.net/
>> Earglasses <<
"Does listening to TV make you want to squint
your ears? Try on an Earglasses® headset
instead. The clear reflectors magnify any
sound you face just like cupping your hands
behind your ears does... except your arms
won't get tired! You may feel a bit funny..."
But you'll look like an unmitigated cunt. Look.
http://www.earglasses.com/
>> B3ta 1900AD <<
Everybody's got Photoshop these days - and
is using it to whack their boss's head onto a
porn star. But people have been making cheap
jokes with fake photos for a long, long time.
1909 - a very good year for onions.
http://photographymuseum.com/talltale.html
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Smoking Day Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted promotional material for
International Smoking Day. It's been a good
challenge you should check out all the results
and not just the winners.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/smoking/
We asked B3ta boarder 'icezebra' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
IceZebra writes -
#1 "Love to smoke, smoke to love - Made me
feel all warm inside, like the taste of a
fresh ciggie. He looks so sweet smoking that
fag, how could I ever not smoke when cute
little squirrels do it?
(AngryDave)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1475031
#2 "Insect cool - Why can't I be as cool as this
fly? I want to be cool. I'll never give up.
(cheeba)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1482027
#3 "Hell Beckons - I had to give myself a clip
round the ear for laughing at the sickness
of this, but then I laughed again." (Ijon Tichy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1493837
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, practically everyone clamoured for
the suggestion, "The B3ta Book of Records"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/records/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* SPUNK IN THE SHOWER CULPRIT FOUND - Last week
we featured a photo of a note on someone's
fridge, sternly admonishing a person who
pleasures themselves in a communal bathroom.
Turns out it was a b3ta boarder. Or someone
he knows, called Ali.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1481374
http://www.b3ta.com/board/1481698
* B3TA MARRIAGE - "I got an email yesterday,"
writes Tedious, "asking me to make a custom
Humphrey and Duncan animation to propose to
his girlfriend with. She said yes. Ahhhhhh."
http://b3ta.com/board/1515299
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* Quizzes and games. Get to work kids.
* More freebies. We hate paying for stuff.
* DIY Xenotransplantation.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Tedious, Ry & Pete Guest.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Top tippery from Jenny Payne. Wife of all.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Formulated and controlled by Laboratoire b4ta.
(67975)
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HANDY TIP:
To remove biro ink from furniture, soak a cloth
in milk, squeeze out the cloth and rub it on
the biro mark. Weirdo.
