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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 98: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANK?"

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This Week:
* TOY - Make it rain
* SCREENSAVER - New. Better. Improved.
* SURVEY - How much do you wank?

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 98 - 25 Jul 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue98/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Clouds, wanking and wheelchairs

  >> Cloudbuster toy <<
  "I've made a slightly hippy thing," writes Tomsk,
  "Like, peace, man." Yay. Make the flowers
  grow by raining on them.
http://www.tomandphil.nildram.co.uk/clouds/


  >> Masturbation database <<
  Regular readers will be familiar with our
  obsession with masturbation. Sieren Kearle
  loves wanking too and is conducting a survey
  about your self-abuse habits. Fill it in
  and compare yourself to other wankers.
http://www.playwithyourself.co.uk/game/html/mdb/stats.php


  >> Do the Hustle <<
  The Hustle by Van McCoy & the Soul City Symphony
  is a disco classic. You can't hear it without
  moving your feet, or if you're Vulga, making
  a short animation with a lady in a wheelchair.
  The nicely timed ending gave us a laugh.
http://snurl.com/dothehustle


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: XML CHALLENGE UPDATE
  You lot have been working hard

  We've had several entries for the XML challenge,
  including

  * Flash toy that displays the message board
    as sheep.

  * New skins for the site to make it look like
    Fark, The BBC and Google.

  * A snap game.

  We're holding the challenge open for a few more
  weeks, so get coding.
http://www.b3ta.com/xml/


  >> B3ta screensaver update <<

  Chicago Dave has taken the opportunity to remake
  his brilliant b3ta screensaver taking advantage
  of our spanky new technology.

  His PC-only app grabs all the pictures from the
  front page of our site and rotates them as a
  screensaver, giving fresh images every day.

  If you haven't already, install this now. We
  honestly believe it to be the coolest thing
  to have ever come out of b3ta.
http://www.rubberduckie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3tacollective.exe


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Rammstein cum shot <<
  If b3ta had a house band, it would be
  Rammstein. They flirt with Nazism, homoerotica
  and frankly all the stuff that makes us go
  woo. Watch this clip of the singer simulating
  gay buggery with the aid of a fireworks and a
  prosthetic spunking cock.
http://www.yonkis.com/media/rramstein.wmv


  >> Boil the kiddies <<
  Old farts will remember the game play on this
  Choplifter clone. Beautifully-drawn and it plays
  rather well too.
http://www.entertainmail.net/movies/kookinkidz.swf


  >> Glastowank <<
  Readers of the UK broadsheets might have read
  Miranda Sawyer's story about going to Glastonbury
  and witnessing a drugged-up mum masturbate in
  a field. The Guardian didn't have the photos.
  We do. Icky.
http://www.gurn.net/meza/glastowank/


  >> Stag night stunt <<
  We love Sweden. Their contributions to popular
  culture don't stop at Sven-Göran Eriksson and
  the turkey-necked-before-her-time Ulrika Jonsson,
  they're also giving us Beard Man. Look at the
  photo, read the short story and then thank God
  your mates aren't this cunty.
http://www.sparklet.com/~royce/trams/hair/


  >> 15 hours of weird <<
  Did you ever play Myst? It was a mix of
  sumptuous graphics and tricky riddles.
  This is a bit like that. Except with tree trunks.
  In space.
http://www.freshsensation.com/samorost.swf


  >> Rose West cookbook <<
  Mums! Tried to get your kids to eat chips and
  peas by arranging them into a face?
  Extend your repertoire by making dolls from
  dismembered cattle and spuds. Kids love it.
http://www.lileks.com/institute/dayalets/3.html


  >> Most disturbing story ever <<
  Ever heard of the word nullo? It's refers to a
  man who's cut off his genitalia. Read the
  this interview of how one man became cockless.
  BTW: School kids - if you're stuck for ideas
  in the summer break, you know what to do.
http://www.globalapathy.com/news_comments2.asp?NewsID=84


  >> Fuck up your eyes <<
  We thought we'd seen all the optical illusions
  on the web, but this one surprised us. And made
  us feel a bit ill.
http://www.starkitten.com/08/yay.jpg


  >> TV presenter posts nude pics <<
  We didn't know who Cat Schwartz was until
  she accidentally posted naked pictures of
  herself on her blog. Apparently she's
  a presenter on Tech TV, a show that's
  unavailable in the UK. We're sure it
  was a genuine accident, but as a way to
  raise your international profile, it's PR
  genius.
http://snurl.com/1vx7


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Kinder Surprise Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to see what you had found
  in your Kinder Surprise eggs:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/kinderegg/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'missing' to judge the
  entries - here are her 3 faves.

  Missing writes -

  #1 "Random meerkat surprise - well, it surprised
     me, absolutely lovely. (eclectech)
http://b3ta.com/board/1622937

  #2 "Giraffe charming - Alarmingly hypnotic but
     had me giggling like a loon. (The Kaiser)
http://b3ta.com/board/1635446

  #3 "Kinder and Bob - possibly the smallest
     challenge entry, but beautifully done.
     And apparently size isn't everything." (pecker)
http://b3ta.com/board/1617592

   "Ooh, and special mention to this animation
   by Custard."
http://b3ta.com/board/1622454


  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, the Challenge Dictator returned once
  more with the suggestion: "New Uses for Children"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/children/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * EDUCATING B3TA - Joel & Nicey's Giant Bee
    is being used in a university course in
    non-verbal communication.
http://www.nicholaspackwood.com/nonverbal_1.html


  * B3TA PARTY - it was a huge success. Loads
    of people came, including a group from
    Japan and an Israeli journalist who was
    sent over to cover the story. Yay.


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * WEIRD MP3s - we're having a go doing a
    little radio show next week, and would like
    some odd stuff to play. Disco songs used to
    promote council elections in the 70s, that
    kind of thing.

  * FREE STUFF - we held a raffle at the party
    last week and gave away all of the stuff
    that people have sent in over the last few
    months: Toy Daleks, a DVD player, a signed
    photo of Terry Wogan, etc. So PLEASE keep
    sending us stuff and we'll raffle it off at
    the next party. All money going to the
    server appeal.

  * YOUR LINKS - your links damn it. You might
    think we ignore your stuff, but we actually
    go red eyed and blind looking at everything
    sent through.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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  THANKS:

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
  Mike Trinder & David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Jon-Paul Pelosi, Weebl,
  Skip the Whip, dirtyhippy and Mozza.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the wiggedy b4ta whacks. (68711)

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  Handy tip: Remove curry stains by rubbing the
  stain with soap and water till it goes PINK
  (you have to let the chemistry work so it
  goes alkaline) then leave in the sun for half
  an hour or in the English sun till it rains.
  Wash as normal.  Works best on cotton.

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