Watching the video for
Blind Pilots by the Cooper Temple Clause, the one where the bloke goes on his stag do and ends up turning into some half man half goat satan type thing GMTRFH

video to download
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 9:26, Reply)

Magazine madness
When I was small, I perchanced to witness a porn film, which prematurely activated the erotic impulses in my head. As a child, the fashion magazines at the hairdressers were my only sorce of naughty images - models rarely wear bras, and sexyness sells.

I've recently come across a three page spread of female nudes, various topless models in compromising positions, and an art photographer's uncensored work with pornstars (in an art magazine).

The things they'll print these days just blows my mind...
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 9:08, Reply)

Monkey love, not war
Bonobos are apes which resemble large, adolescent chimps.

The most intersting thing about 'em is that they prefer mating to fighting, which leads to ...interesting articles in nature magazines.

Bloody Smithsonian.


note: Some people think "if a behavior occurs in nature then it's ok for it to occur in humans" This means gay sexyness is natural, and therefore ok
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 8:53, Reply)

Guy with an inability to detect innuendo
Or so he claims. I was chatting with him after class when he told me:

"Those damn Twins, they kept me locked in their car until I did what they wanted me to do!"

All they wanted him to do was call his mom! Mind you, they did seem quite keen on him....
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 8:21, Reply)

bending the rules slightly
we have a company here called Frigmobile.

contrary to popular belief, they run a fleet of refrigerated semi-trailers, but i always have a chuckle when a 30 foot trailer with FRIGMOBILE written down the side of it rolls past.

if that isn't unintentionally erotic, i don't know what is.

*goes back to wondering what would happen if a Frigmobile and a Lubemobile crashed*
(mikewicked, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 6:34, Reply)

I'm all about the cleavage. My own, I mean.
In high school and shortly afterward I worked as a hairdresser. I always looked forward to shampooing men about 15 years older than myself, because I knew my large breasts in their faces made me the perfect jailbait. I made good tips, anyway. :-)
(ghettobooty, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 6:21, Reply)

I'm not into animals, but...
I enjoy hugging my cat while I'm naked. My mom stepped into my room one day during a fluffy cuddle, and managed to get a picture of me wearing nothing but the cat. Fortunately they did not make it onto teh intarweb. I can't believe I'm admitting this on here.

_{I am a sick, sick woman.}
(ghettobooty, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 6:16, Reply)

faux pas
A few years ago me & my falt mates used to call anything along the lines of being aroused at something we shouldn't a "bone of contention"
(Baron Greenback Still in Sunny Singapore, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 5:37, Reply)

Cartoons are people too
Cheetarah from Thundercats

*blush*

I think it was the heaving breasts in the tight lycra outfits
(You'll never take me alive copper, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 5:15, Reply)

Language barriers...
I was working for a university college in Birmingham at about 16 or so (my mum was head of psychology and she'd blagged the dean to give me an office junior type role in her department.). Anyway, so, there I am in my nice little office when the not-so-great-at-english Cantonese psychology lecturer walked in, shut the door behind her and uttered these words...

"Now it's time for us to be naughty..."

I looked at her, ever so slightly scared, but oh so mightily aroused (she was hot, ok!) and, well... she might not have been so great at English, but she was damn good at picking up on body language...

"No, No you silly boy! We must fake these questionnairres..."

Her and my mum had a good old laugh about it... I had a good few wet* nights in the coming months, thinking of what could have been...

I quit my job. I was hideously embarassed. My mother was very disappointed.


*In the good way. If there can be a good way.
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 5:13, Reply)

Some time ago I picked up my girlfriend to go to the pictures.
We said goodbye to her mum who was sitting watching the tennis. Got there, realised I'd left my wallet in the kitchen and had to go back and pick it up. Ran in only to be stopped dead in my tracks by the vision of her mum going hell for leather, staring at the telly. Obviously, she was very close because she glanced at me briefly, continued for a minute or so, then pulled down her skirt. We have never mentioned it to each other since but I really want to ask her if it Stefan Edberg or Pete Sampras who did it for her (1992 US open finals).
(goober, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 4:48, Reply)

Furry Art
I love furry art. I also love pictures of Disney characters naked. Don't ask me why. Some things are just, I don't know... right.
(HawkerTyphoon, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 1:07, Reply)

ah, one more
When queuing in a very boring check-in line at Tescos one Saturday, I notice a woman with her daughter behind us just being a little louder than normal people. So interested, and having little else in the way of entertainment, I check out the daughter, even though she must've been about 14. After about 10 seconds, it become obvious her daughter's a bit funny in the head, and she's trying to kiss everyone in the queue in a kinda spacker, not-quite-right way.

Not wanting to miss out on a potential pull, I stare at her screaming 'meeeeeeeeeee!' (in my head). Apparently, she heard that; so she turns around, set her cross-eyed focus on me through her Penfold lenses, comes right up to me and landed me one - right on the lips! "Wehay!" thinks I. "Scored!". Wait till I tell the lads!

Right after that, her mum dragged her away - clearly seeing signs of early whoredom manifesting disturbingly early and unashamedly.

The thing is, all I kept thinking about for the rest of the day was "If only she’d have kissed me down there!". From that day fourth; I now want to bang a Spacker if it’s the last thing I do.
( slippery doctore, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:58, Reply)

I work....
at a Morrisons in Leeds near a very large student population. I work on checkouts occasionally so I often find myself serving groups (YES, GROUPS!!!) of sexy young students. Because of the level of the checkout seat, their breasts are often at direct eye level, and sometimes it really turns me on. Especially when they buy things like cucumber and vasceline.

If they are paying by cheque or signing for their card, they have to lean over to the rest to do their signiture, giving me a direct view of their clevages! PHWOAR!

Also, a couple of the checkout supervisors are young(ish) fit(tish) lasses and when something *accidently* goes wrong on my checkout I have to call them over for assistance. This means they are leaning over me from behind, their breasts running on the back of my neck, whilst their breath runs cooly on my cheek!

The problems are when you have a bit of a HUGE* hardon and there is your collegue standing next to you, waiting to take your place at the checkout! ARGHF!

Ohh, I'm getting teh tingles!

*Artistic license

Apologies for length?? No. Apologies for hardness? Ohhhhh Yeaaah!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:44, Reply)

Well
it was one of those days back during uni where I had nothing really to do, so I do what any other student would do: piss around on the internet, chat to some friends, wank, chat some more, wank, and play a few games - emerging only to feed, piss, and shit.

So come the evening time, and i've basically sat on my arse the whole day without seeing anyone. Slightly bored, I bring out percy for some further punishment as I'd pretty much exhausted all the other internet options at this late stage.

*Fwap!*

About the time I'm pumping hot white love-juice from the veiny coconut tree for about the 11th time that day, I hear a heavy knocking and Shabbir, my strictly Islamic house-mate comes wandering with something in his hand. A birthday card for his Dad no less (who happens to be an Iman or whatever they're called)

The minute this happened I do my utter best to cover up my naked cock standing to full attention by basically yanking my trousers up as high-up as they would go in a kind-of self-wedgy fashion. This kinda worked in that no longer could you see my throbbing and strangly magenta-like coloured cock (try wanking 12 times in a day, and you'll see what I mean) but it was still plainly obvious what had just happened.

So now, we're both feeling utterly awkward, but no-one wants to admit they've noticed anything.

He passes me the card in silence. I scribble my name on the inside; hand covered in said man-fat. I hand it back, silently. He leaves. I clean up.

It was his 50th aswell. Allah be praised!
( slippery doctore, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:43, Reply)

Furries
I'm not too proud (even here) to say I've seen... compelling... furry art. I've also seen stuff that shrivels my prick right up to the vicinity of my kidneys, but not all of it is a horrific congolomeration of fetishes you didn't even know existed. Just the one fetish.

OMG TEH YIFF LOLZ
(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:29, Reply)

accidental erection
I am an invalid and damn proud of it.
This was a month after I broke my neck and got completely paralyzed, I can't move or feel anything beneath my head. I had just woken up from coma, and the sexiest nurse in the whole hospital is going to give me a sponge bath. Needless to say my body reacts without my permission and accomplish a nice erection. Instead of just be quite about it, the nurse becomes really happy and shouts out loud: Hooray at least you can move something, aren't you happy!?!
I was not happy...
( gremme, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:18, Reply)

Oops...
Not something that's accidentally erotic for me, but I used to live with my aunt who's a dentist. So there's a dental surgery downstairs in her house. One incredibly drunken night, I lured a very lovely man back to mine and decided that sex in the dentist chair would be a very good idea. It was.
However, when my aunt woke me up the next day, I discovered that aforementioned lovely man was one of her patients.
He had to change dentists after getting very aroused whilst his teeth were being drilled...
(Thursday Next, Fri 3 Feb 2006, 0:13, Reply)

eek!
Well, suffice to say it involved a voluptuos(sp?) blonde lady in a very attractive, tight-fitting black number with dazzling eyes, although in retrospect, that could have been because it was at a funeral...
Much awkward shifting of positions and some seriously disturbing mental-imaging later and i could once again stand to pay my last respects...
(asme, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 23:55, Reply)

Maggie's Minge
I was working as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool. All day the gits I worked with had been winding me up about it being "nudey night" - the hiring of the pool by local naturists. At least I thought they were winding me up.

After we'd shut to the public, and the disabled group (the self-named "Sealions" - a great name for a 'tard swimming club, no?) were back licking the windows of their bus, hoardes of pensioners turn up. Ah. Senior citizens gala, I tried to fool myself...

Next thing I knew, the place was swarming with naked old people. Dozens and dozens of the wrinkly buggers. Think Margaret Thatcher on a cold day. Problem was, that horrific sight was enough to get this 16 year olds hormones pumping.

Cue two hours spent hand-in-shorts-pocket, desperately trying to conceal a raging boner against the inside of my thigh.

I didn't get off on the spastics though.
(Ploptimus, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 23:30, Reply)

Im a conventional man really....
... usually the women i like are slim, long hair (colour not important) pretty and with a good personality. A couple of weeks ago I was looking to see if i had any messages on one of those faceparty-esq websites (wont mention which coz some of you know my real name), lo and behold i did, one was off a couple of chubby little tarts from a little town just outside of manchester saying somthing along the lines of 'corr yor well fit' so i send them a message back thanking them, we traded e-mails and chatted regularly on MSN Messenger. Their flirtation escalated to the point where i snapped as ive been shagless for some time due to lack of beer tokens. I met them for a few drinks and we ended up back at my house where i ended up in bed with the pair of them, we meet regularly now for threesomes so my 'accidentally erotic' thing is enjoying having two fat women riding me on a regular basis.
(TheUnf0rg1ven AKA Pol Pot AKA Osama Bin Laden AKA C0UN7Z3R0, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 23:18, Reply)

Public footrub, private wood.
Years ago, I went to a wedding on crutches, toes poking out of a full length cast. At the reception, my bust leg had its own chair, and next to it sat the photographer, a weapons-grade MILF with a sly smile who gently stroked my protruding toes. I was glad to have an excuse to toast the happy couple while seated, I can tell you.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 23:14, Reply)

When...
you're standing a few flights higher on some steps with a female teacher below struggling to hold a large number of books to her chest. They just seem to get bigger and more obvious.
(I don't lie I change the truth o.O, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 23:12, Reply)

Lady hairdressers
Why do female hairdressers always do that bum-wiggle when they use scissors - you watch next time you go, their bum wiggles in direct time to their scissor action!

Oh, and also when they brush their boobies on the back of your head. Obviously.
( Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Thu 2 Feb 2006, 22:37, Reply)

Janet Ellis
or Anneka Rice on Treasure Hunt

*shows age*
( Cheeky Boy! loves horses..., Thu 2 Feb 2006, 22:35, Reply)

Any other dads out there like kid's TV?
No, you pervs. I'm talking about the presenters. Specifically, one of the ones from Tikkabilla.

No, not Sarah Jane, although she's the "obvious dad-appeal". I'm much more enamoured of Beverley. She turned up in Holby City the other day, too.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 22:01, Reply)

Late one evening, slightly worse for wear
I suggested to my friend that he attempt to jump from a signpost to a lamp-post. I turned round giggling at the prospect and started mumbling at someone else, not realising he would actually go and bloody try it. The fool. He did it, and to cut a long story short, split his urethra and had to be rushed to hospital. This is where it gets relevant.

This friend was subsequently diagnosed with a broken dick, reblooded as he had lost quite a bit of the red juice, and stitched up.

As all men will know, there is a phenomenen, as yet unexplained, know in scientific circles as "morning wood".

My friend found out that this is sufficient to break medical stitches.

Every bloody morning

Possibly leading to him having to stay in hospital for 10 days.

And to cap it all off, all of these minor medical matters (changing bandages, re-stitching, shaving, inserting cameras up the urethra etc.) were done by rather attractive nurses.

Ah.

He lost count of the numbers of times he had to be restitched.

Apologies for length, girth, and scars
(Quantum Sheep was going to type something clever here...but...oh, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 21:46, Reply)

Up the aisle
When Mrs-kna appeared at the entrance to our wedding venue, walked up and stood in front of me in her wedding dress, I popped the biggest tentpeg I'd had in days. Luckily I was standing with my hands in front of me anyway, so I could do a sly 'adjust' when we turned to face the registrar.

If anyone saw, they didn't mention it.. maybe it was romantic or something. We weren't quite so beautiful and romantic when I got her back to the hotel obviously.
(kna has forgotten everything., Thu 2 Feb 2006, 21:10, Reply)

Photography
I've been doing Photography for the best part of a term now and I seem to have quite abit of a problem, developing negatives and pictures. Negatives require complete darkness and since I'm one of 3 guys who does this course and we're outnumbered about 5 to 1 by girls, it's rather interesting. Theres just something about fumbling in the dark hearing girls go "umpf.. ah!.. mngh!" As they attempt to get their negatives on their spools that sets me off, knowing a few of the girls find me attractive anyway makes it worse, I'm just thankful for the lights being out!

Developing pictures is a little harder, excusing the pun, because of the safety light being on, this being a sordid red glow which wouldn't look out of place at Soho, so I'm dipping my photopaper into chemical baths opposite cute girls bending over the trough usually playing with their hair, there isnt much room so theres constant brushing as people move from one thing to the next and often they like to grab/poke me since I'm almost their play thing on the course. Raging red woods abound.

Thank god I'm doing this for the next 2 years!
(Vikingheadache, Thu 2 Feb 2006, 20:42, Reply)