Best eBay Ad...
...ever.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 19:01, 2 replies)

"X is committed to responsible lending,
a short term advantage should not be used as a long term solution."

No you're fucking not, you're lending at 2356% APR! It's obscene. Payday loan my fucking arse. I am appalled that companies like this can continue trading, not because I think they should be banned, but because the general public has become so short-sighted that they create the niche for these bottom-feeders to work in. Then they dress up their glorified loan-sharking with a bird and her huge, shit-eating grin as she calls up the company for her happily-delivered, short-term heavy financial raping.

Wouldn't be so bad, I dont have anything in particular against smiling women, except the only obviously cheaper adverts on television are the cash for gold types.
( Kroney, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 18:44, 1 reply)

I'm sure these have been touched upon
But I can't be arsed to trawl through 19 pages to find out. Public information films of the 1970's - brilliant. Although the 'I am the spirit of dark and lonely water' one scared the shit out me at the time. I couldn't look at a puddle for years without thinking a sinister, robe clad figure that sounded like Donald Pleasance, might be waiting for me to fall in and splutter my way to an early death.

Nice one.

*EDIT* And here it is www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/films/1964to1979/filmpage_lonely.htm
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 20 Apr 2010, 18:40, 8 replies)

Low C beer - with the Grumbleweeds
I can't remember the exact brand, nor find the ad on YouTube, unfortunately.

The premise was a Sumo wrestler drinking Low C beer, much to the annoyance of his trainer who told the wrestler to "Sring Your Hook!" in a stereotypical cod-Oriental accent.

Ah, the joys of casual racism.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 20 Apr 2010, 18:19, 1 reply)

Irn Bru take on 'The Snowman'
Purely for the line, rather beautifully sung:

"He nicked my Irn bru
and let go of my hand"
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 17:56, 1 reply)

my problem with advertising is fairly broad...
Speaking as one who makes a living in this godawful trade, the real problem is around the media as a whole in that, with the dawn of PC and positive discrimination, you've got ads like the Diet Coke ones where it's ok for a bunch of women to ogle a guy, but the other way round would (possibly) have them in court. Or ones that say "my husband's so feckin thick he tried to clean the cooker with cornflakes, the twat - so I told him to use Cif".

The rules are:
1) It's ok to make a white man look thicker than his wife because that can't be sexist/racist/homophobic. Despite the fact that women/non-whites/gays can all be bigoted as hell.

2) You can pitch a TV show where you have a bunch of gay guys telling a straight guy his clothes are shit, but you'd be flogged in the street if you pitched a show where straight guys taught a hideously camp queen how to drive a forklift or blend in with football fans. The only way you can do anything like that is to skew the content so that the people that are doing the "teaching" look like assholes.

3) You'll never see a black cop/soldier/mcdonalds fry-cook being berated by a white captain/sergeant/store manager in a film, unless the white guy is being portrayed as either nasty to everyone EXACTLY EQUALLY, or is a racist. Same goes with homophobia.

4) You'll never see a film in which the "plain jane" slightly chubby girl doesn't suddenly become successful and popular or overcome her thin, blonde, pretty and rich enemy.

The reason is that this cultural influence stems from the US and basically, they'll sue anyone for anything over there...

People criticise adverts for perfumes or cars for being obtuse, but the reality is that if you put out an ad that said "our perfume is nice, it smells like apples", you'd have some burger-munching fuckwit trying to sue because they felt it wasn't "apple-y" enough or because it smelled more of pears and that caused them emotional trauma because their uncle once fingered them in a pear orchard, etc.

Advertisers would love to say "buy a ferrari - it's faster than a Mondeo and really nice to look at", but they can't because they'd either be sued by someone who a) felt it wasn't nice to look at, or b) owned a Mondeo and felt that a Ferrari wasn't faster, etc.

You can't say "Buy Armani, don't dress at Primark - you'll look smarter than a chav in a £3 tracksuit", despite the obvious truth of it because either Primark or a £3-tracksuit-wearing chancer will see you end up in court.

Basically, the good ads went the way of the dodo because you have to either do something "wacky" or something so PC it kills any fun or direct messaging in order to avoid falling foul of the lawyers. So, every chocolate ad has some fit bird eating a chocolate bar on the sofa (because eating chocolate on the sofa doesn't make you fat, obviously, only a sexist pig would suggest that), rather than the Milk Tray Man ads which people used to look forward to. The only humour can be totally non-offensive (or non-existant, as all humour picks on somebody, after all), and there can be no stereotyping unless it directly denegrates white heterosexual males....

Shame, really - it's buggered creativity.

The problem isn't the ads - it's the letigious twats who've made everyone in the media afraid of their own bloody shadow.
(Chad, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 17:15, 26 replies)

Anyone remember that BT male voice choir ad?
The song ended with "The cost of calling keeps on falling." I've been trying to find it on YouTube/other but no joy so far.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 16:25, 2 replies)

Get your ass to Mars

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 16:04, 1 reply)

Not really a story...
This probably has been posted a few times, but this will always be my favourite advert...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mTLO2F_ERY
(Lt_Mof0, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:56, Reply)

"73% of 48 women agreed"
is it really even worth bothering with those shit statisics?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:48, Reply)

Irn Bru
Have had some classics. I like their new one:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J0tr5PPAoU&feature=related

and not content with pissing of Goths with their press adverts they went on to do this one:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Dny-s27Dk&feature=related

Finally I believe this one was banned in some places:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iyAcMi8rjk&feature=related
(3badcats, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:47, 1 reply)

Those adverts on dodgy cable channels after 11pm
"We've got gagging females in your area waiting to speak to you now...."

No you haven't, they're all munters or blokes with feminate voices. Now be a good boy and put Sexcetra back on thankyaverymuch...
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:36, Reply)

Any Cosmetics Advert
That promises women [more striking eyelashes / more luscious lips / etc, etc]
And then proceeds to mention in the small print that the effect of said product on the models in the advert is: "emphasised in post-production."

Well, hang-on-just-a-fucking-minute...

If the effect is effectively photoshopped up in post-production, then clearly the advert is sheer fantasy.....
(caescarna Hell's Roomba, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:34, Reply)

Honda ads
are always good, particularly the choir doing the sound effects of the car.

Furthermore, this Rolo ad. www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOgmqWUAE8I is superb
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Note to idiots: read the fine print
One of the HR women in the office (Known as C) is not really the brightest gal’s I’ve ever met, she spends most of her time in the office reading the latest celeb gossip magazines and falling for any bit of information relayed to her by a few senior members of staff (it took her a few days to realise that the Icelandic volcanic ash in the upper atmosphere was not going to fall down on people and incinerate them immediately. The Tekkies told her this to watch her scurry from her car to the offices with a ring binder over her head for protection, they didn't realise she would keep it up for a few days).

Today she has really outdone herself. She is hoping to go away on holiday later this summer and has already started counting her calories for the last few weeks so I was surprised to see her walk into work yesterday carrying a large bar of Galaxy chocolate (the one that costs over a £1). She also brought another one in today and was well on her way through the bar when I popped in to annoy her regarding something work related. While she was faffing with the system I commented on the chocolate.

Me: Hey C whats with all the chocolate, you got a craving or something?
C: No I always like something sweet and found this stuff out at the supermarket yesterday, Its slimming chocolate with only 23 calories per bar
Me: What? It looks like ordinary Galaxy to me
C: Nope its not look on the front, the supermarket also had a stand that said the same(Theres the tedious link to adverts for you)
(Looks at packaging)
Me: Erm C it does say 23 calories on the front but it also says in the small print that that is the calorie amount for one of the small pieces
C: What? Oh my god why would they put it on the front like that, I’ve eaten two this week that’s way too much for me I’m going to be far too fat…..(sobs) here take the rest of it
Me: What?
C: Here take the rest of it I’m going to throw it away if not
Me: ...erm...Ok

What I was going to say to C was that the reason that galaxy advertised their product in that way so a number of people that are either too stupid or too lazy to read the fine print will buy it. I didn’t want to upset her anymore, besides I got free chocolate out of it yum yum.

Sorry for the long and rambling post but I just wanted to do something other than post a link to youtube showing the ad for something like Tango, the Goth Iron Bru one or the horrid Legend of Zelda one for the NES that had the two yank geeks rapping (shudder).
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 14:58, 3 replies)

Also, adverts that look like they're shot on VHS-C
What the hell is the thinking behind these adverts (there's a toothpaste advert that springs to mind) that looks like it was shot on a noisy crappy camcorder? Why is blurry speckly video with flaring on highlights and seriously warped colour balance, coupled with drunken angles and shite "internal microphone" sound supposed to make me want to buy their product?

If they spend that little on making their advert not shit, how good can their product be?
(gordonjcp, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 14:22, 4 replies)

Washing powder
I hate those ad where they advertise some gut wrenchingly stinky washing powder like Jasmine and Black Orchid...or Camomile and Minge whiff.

You know the ones....like this.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNeVXdlRCSk

WTF has that to do with getting your crusty underpants clean?
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Tue 20 Apr 2010, 14:12, 2 replies)

"Don't bring me back"
Possibly the only endearing government advert ever made in Blighty. Lovely puppetry and a nice song...
www.tellyads.com/show_movie.php?filename=TA8160
(might be a bit jerky to start with - skip to the end and play it again if so)
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 20 Apr 2010, 13:44, 2 replies)

Pepsi Max
Where the guy gets his mates to pretend a giant meteor is about to hit the earth so he can obtain sex under false pretenses with a fit bird in a pub - or in other words; rape.

What next, Pepsi Rohypnol?
( Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 13:44, 6 replies)

Now, Cillit Bang has most likely been done to death.
However, many of you might not know that "Barry Scott" is actually a bit-part actor called Neil Burgess. While in itself is only of passing/no interest, a quick look at his page on wikipedia shows a sinister plot afoot:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Burgess
Look at his birthday: 6/6/66
Cillit Bang? In league with Satan? I for one welcome our new, shiny, lemony, demon overlords.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 20 Apr 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Have You Been Unable to Look Where You're Going in the Past Three Years?
Sorry, the floodgates have opened now (CAUTION: FLOOR MAY BE WET). I've never liked personal injury lawyer adverts, but I've noticed a new trend in recent years which has made them around 4000 times more irritating.

When the adverts first appeared, the emphasis was on how much money they could get you for a stubbed toe or a theatrical case of whiplash. Suddenly people up and down the country started looking a lot closer at where they were going, and specifically at whether the route included any good paving-slabs to trip over in return for a week in Kos. Surprisingly, the phrase 'ambulance-chaser' became commonplace when referring to these companies, and their reputations plummeted.

So, how to banish this image of bloodsucking parasites dragging schools, councils and companies to court in order to fund some clumsy bastard's booze cruise? Simple! Pretend that all you want is a Safer World, where people can't fall over or twat their heads. You're not there to turn injuries into cash; You're highlighting the accident blackspots and making sure they get fixed! Gradually, adverts started to emphasis this.

"I got £4000... And the company installed a big sign saying 'Don't Put Your Bollocks in the Mincer'"
"I got £6000... And everyone at work got sent on a two-week course explaining the dangers of picking your nose with an electric cattle-prod"

Am I being overly cynical, or do these companies actually not give a flying fuck whether someone installed an extra bin or moved a bus-stop? (WARNING: LOW-FLYING FUCKS)
(costas, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 12:49, 9 replies)

There are 2 many to mention in 1 post.
But adverts are one of my biggest pet hates. My wife sits through them, I have to turn over. However ones that make me wanna kill are :

1) The Halifax ones where they are all fucking arsing around in a radio station mock up. Why? CUNTS. Its a pity there isnt a lone American Warplane in the area that could accidentally fucking layer that gaff. With every one of the wankers in it.

2) That fucking meer cat prick. Needs its fucking face shooting off.

3) Any advert with the immortal words of "Go Compare In It"-AGGGHHHH

4) We buy any car. You wouldnt buy my neighbours you fucking lying cunts.

And thats all from someone who DOESNT watch adverts.
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 12:38, 7 replies)

Does anybody remember..
An mid/late 80s advert played out like bugsy malone (load of gangsters dressed as kids) and I think it was advertising apples? I've been racking my brains and googling frantically for weeks trying to find this, did I just imagine it?
(lochii, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 12:14, 3 replies)

Maybe it is time...
...to legally limit the amount of advertising any one corporation is allowed to put out over, say, a decade. After all, advertising is the oil that allows the engine of unbridled consumerism to keep running faster and faster, so that we can fill the holes in our souls with stuff or play status catch-me-up games like chimpanzees.
And we do live on a planet of finite resources, so perhaps continuously making vast amounts of shiny and irresistible new toys isn't that great an idea. Or is it? Perhaps it is. Or is it? * Puzzled*
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:48, 17 replies)

Nissan Almera ads
The ones riffing on The Professionals and The Sweeney.

"Cover me!"
"Huh?"

"Shut it!"

etc.

See:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9K_EkU9KZE
and
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhDJaT9Y1KQ
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Another annoying trend that has been introduced into adverts
is that during some bit of CGI showing what happens in the process of using a product, usually during the science bit™, they feel the need to add the caption "dramatisation only" or something similar.

Do they honestly think that a customer will complain that they literally didn't have a fireman in their stomach calming their heartburn?

Edit: This is not to be confused with the caption that says something like "the opinion of 68% of a survey of 372 women"
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:38, 1 reply)

What on earth...
... are those "Brand Power" adverts about? They always seem to be adverts for already well-known brands and products, but they look like they're almost deliberately made to be shit with 1990s Amiga graphics crudely keyed over.
(gordonjcp, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:36, 4 replies)

I have a dislike of Nestlé
Firstly for removing the English pronunciation as Nessles and secondly changing the packaging of the Kit-Kat. It was greatly satisfying to slide it out of the paper sleeve and then slice the foil by running a fingernail along it.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:19, 12 replies)

Hey! Wanker! Leave That Language Alone.
I have a colossal hatred of adverts which attempt to plant new catchphrases into the already-shitty-enough English language. As last week's QOTW illustrated perfectly, we're up to our necks as it is in management bullshit and celebrity-magazine bollocks like 'Going Forward' and 'Brangelina'; We don't need some cock-pipe in advertising adding to the festering pile by encouraging the same gaping morons to quack "Uh-hur-hur-hur, shake your Tictacs!*" and "Should've gone to Specsavers!"

Spurred on by the success of 'Does What it Says on the Tin', it seems that advertisers are determined to plant their own flag in the country's collective vocabulary. We're not meant to say "Fuck this, let's go down the pub" any more; We're supposed to grunt "Hut?" No longer do we stare into an empty fridge and groan at the prospect of yet another bowl of bloody pasta; We apparently rejoice at the arrival of Dolmio Day.

Do I have a point? No, it's just the way these trousers hang, but there's something both tiresome and irritating about seeing a series of adverts attempting to hammer a phrase into our consciences with increasing desperation, like a 20-stone man forcing one more chicken nugget into his all-you-can-eat trough. I want less of that and more PG Tips Monkey.

*I'd like to thank the British public for refusing to adopt this particular lump of crap into their speech. Thanks!
(costas, Tue 20 Apr 2010, 11:12, 6 replies)