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Back when I was a moody teenager I took a cheap flight that involved changing planes and having to go through security again. My bags were pre-checked so, when I set off the metal detector, I honestly said to the security guy that I had no idea what had set it off.

Until, that is, he searched me and found the metal knife and fork stamped "KLM" I'd nicked off the previous flight.

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(, Fri 3 Mar 2006, 10:09)
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I was traumatised for life
Last year In an act of desperation I took a contract job in Saudi Arabia. After hearing all sorts of rumours I was pretty worried especially with the security situation. The Marriott had concrete posts outside to protect against bombers, there were machine gun check points everywhere and a small square outside the hotel where they would behead people on a Friday. All in all I was pretty glad to get back to the airport. The taxi driver on the way back pointed out the power pylons that al-qaeda had blown up the week before and at the airport there were seperate facilities for women and a regular "wailer" every hour at prayer time. By now I was pretty nervous, and felt the need to releive my poor bowels big time. After running to the toilet cubicle and giving the bowl a good splattering I noticed one of those bubbler pipe things that you see in arab markets. Wow. These Saudis sure know how to relax and have just gone up in my cultural estimation. Relax, take a dump and a smoke. Heaven. I picked up the pipe, put it to my lips and with a contented sigh pressed the lever and took a good deep breath.

Fucksox. I nearly choked and drowned as my lungs filled with the shitty water from some arabs crap box. These fucking things are for washing your ass. It took me nearly two hours to stop urging and I have never been back to the middle east since.
(, Sat 4 Mar 2006, 9:07, closed)

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