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This is a question Amazing Projects

We here at B3ta love it when a plan comes together. Tell us about incredible projects and stuff you've built by your own hand. Go on, gloat away.

Thanks to A Vagabond for the suggestion

(, Thu 17 Nov 2011, 13:12)
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My most amazing project
Was my ex-boyfriend.

It took me months to train him not to pish on the toilet seat, leave the seat down, the lid closed, to get him not to sulk when he insisted on coming out shopping with me for the day and I wanted to spend ages looking at shoes. It was an accomplishment!

I hope his current lady is happy with my hard work.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 18:52, closed)
I hope you die.

(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 19:21, closed)
You do realize
that most men find being treated in this way to be thoroughly offensive, right? People are not projects- you can't make them into something else that you want them to be. If you couldn't accept him as he was and felt the need to force your ideals of behavior on him, it's no wonder he's left. I would have as well.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 19:33, closed)
Pfft!
Like you have any morals.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 22:23, closed)
I'm not quite sure
what my morals, or lack thereof, have to do with this.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 22:33, closed)
Not surprised really.

(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 22:42, closed)


(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 23:06, closed)
Steve Coogan's looking better these days.

(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 23:52, closed)
Is this your new woman?
A bit of an improvement on the last one.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 8:35, closed)
Ummm...
the last one was you.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 23:26, closed)
So your current wife is imaginary or a man?

(, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:42, closed)
This ex-boyfriend of yours.
Did he have four legs and chase after sticks?
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 20:01, closed)
Do I look like a bitch?
/film
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 20:15, closed)
Terrible bullying of Frisbee Adam.

(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 7:04, closed)
It's ironic
but it took me ages to get my girlfriend to leave the seat up after she'd finished.

It didn't take that long to grow a little self-confidence and go shopping on her own looking at shoes for ages, whilst I got on with something a little more productive, like say, watching grass grow.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 20:52, closed)

Why is it that women in general find it so difficult to put the seat down if they want it down? If it's in the up (stand to pee position) and they are going to sit, then it only takes a second or two to put it down.

And you also want the lid closed as well? I bet you also have one of those crocheted toilet paper roll covers build onto a doll, the matching furry seat cover and floor mat...
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 21:07, closed)
I wonder why he left you
You sound like a right catch.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 21:22, closed)
I'm sure she does
as she appreciates him for who he is & is content with loving that person.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 21:24, closed)
You're single right?

(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 21:38, closed)
Oh for the love of fucking christ will somebody go postal and kill all of these pointless cunts because I just don't have the energy for it anymore and frankly I'm not serving life or getting shot by police marksmen.

(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 21:42, closed)
Ohh Shambles
Did she try and change you into a better man?
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 23:01, closed)
I'm surprised
at how many she reeled in as well
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 0:44, closed)
Are you volunteering?
I can show you how to rig yourself up as a walking bomb. We could take out dozens.

I say "we". I'll be sitting here comfortably while you spread your innards around the Aldi meals-for-one aisle.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 9:56, closed)
So you basically cut his metaphorical balls off.
Were you surprised when he left? Did he, in exchange, have the right to watch the Grand Prix in his underpants while drinking beer and saying what a nice arse the new neighbour has? No, didn't think so.
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 22:56, closed)
if your most amazing project was de-bollocking your ex
you really need to get a fucking life
(, Mon 21 Nov 2011, 23:37, closed)
Nice trolling.
I think you got all 4 courses as well as cognac and a cigar.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 0:04, closed)
^this

(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 0:45, closed)
yep
excellent work, top marks.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 10:46, closed)
Did he have a thing for fat chicks?

(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 8:15, closed)
My ex
tried to train me to leave the toilet lid down. So I shat on top of it. She didn't try that again!

Also, I killed her.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 14:33, closed)
and had sex with the body after

(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 15:44, closed)
Simple, but highly effective, gold-medal trolling!
For those of you that went off on one, I'm pretty sure if you read the last line, then look up 'irony' in the dictionary, all shall become clear.

Hearty congratulations, Catomiagi.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 15:58, closed)
If this is a wind-up: you're a twat.
If this is true: I hope you die, alone.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 20:24, closed)
Are you menstruating again MM?

(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 20:30, closed)
Close enough.

(, Wed 23 Nov 2011, 8:02, closed)
You say that
your most amazing project was your ex-boyfriend. Did you make him out of meat and wire? If so, you didn't teach him much afterwards.
(, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 21:27, closed)

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