My mates a postman
Guess what animal attacked him and guess where he was bitten.

I laughed so much when I found out.
( Crap Little Monkey Can't write, can't spell, no grammEr, no 'shop., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:53, closed)

my guess:
giraffe; back of the knee.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:55, closed)

My guess...
Is that he was bitten by a jabberwocky.

Where? Birmingham.

Crap little monkey? Crap little post, too...
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:55, closed)

Rabbit.
In the eye.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:56, closed)

Goankey
In the anus.


@Kaol he said where/what his mate the postman was attacked, not where/what you like to sex.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:58, closed)

fish
in the tits.
( browser, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:59, closed)

Guinea Pig
On the nose.
(porkyulelips Built for comfort, not for speed., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 12:59, closed)

Platypus
On the big toe
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:01, closed)

...
I think Browser is right, come to think of it.
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:01, closed)

Sperm whale
Down the throat.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:01, closed)

@Kaol
*gags*
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:02, closed)

^^
You love it!
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:03, closed)

Ogronkey*
on his lolminge.





* it's a cross between an ogre and a monkey
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:03, closed)

Colonel Mustard,
in the Library, with the candlestick.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:04, closed)

Fred Flintstone
in the Conservatory, with the lead pipe.

What are we playing again?

DAMN YOU CHCB!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:04, closed)

@Bert
where, and with what and whom would you most like to make sexytime with Kaol.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:05, closed)

great minds,
Sexmonkey, great minds.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:05, closed)

Hmmm...
Kaol, in the computer game shop, with his pre-order copy of GTA 4!
*runs off*
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:06, closed)

@Kaol
I do. Its just a case of supressing the reflex.
Takes a bit of training.
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:07, closed)

@al
Well now, there's a proposition.

I'd most like to do Kaol, reverse 69 style so that we both receive each other's wad, on the helter-skelter at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, on February 29th at 4:62 AM while wearing smashing jumpers.

@CHCB Aren't you a university lecturer or something? -if my mind is anywhere near as great as yours I shall begin teaching 'Advanced Moneysexing techniques and the psychological impact of the children that it produces' immediately.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:08, closed)

@Bert
That's..erm...certainly evocative.
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:09, closed)

Bert
You are Giles (Gyles?) Brandreth

AICMFP.
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:10, closed)

I want to know
what the real answer is, and if it involves a giraffe, and if so, what did I win?
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:11, closed)

@Bert
yes, but I don't know how much longer I'll remain a university lecturer. All job offers (not involving sex with animals or the majority of b3tans) are welcome.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:12, closed)

@CHCB
I think the guesses will be more impressive than the predictably prozaic truth.
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:13, closed)

^
aww, I'm sure it's a giraffe. They're vicious.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:16, closed)

Back to guessing...
A cock.

On the cock.

Do I win £5?
( Davros' Granddad booked a holiday, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:17, closed)

An Ass
on the bottom?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:18, closed)

dog,
Ankle in a retro, reverse psychology sytlee...?

@CHCB:drop me a line, I may have something that might interest you.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:18, closed)

I think
it was an enormous throbbing pahllus, its glans glistening slightly in the morning sun, it came towards him as he stood there. His lips parted "no, I can't" but his body was saying somthing quite different.

He leaned against the wall as he removed his trousers, revealing his own engorged member. Suddenly a goat appeared from down the street, it's hooves clattering on the cobbles as is leapt on his back before bum sexing him like a good'un and running off whence it came. Then the enormous disembodied phallus gave him one for good measure before waddling off, commenting on what a truly crap story this was in the first place.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:22, closed)

^ always one sensible bugger isn't there?
;-D
( Davros' Granddad booked a holiday, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:23, closed)

@al
Elaborate on that story a bit, post it and I will click. I like it!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:24, closed)

An adder
in the bladder
( browser, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:03, closed)

A badger
on the nadger!
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:09, closed)

A stoat in the throat?
A Gnu in the shoe?
A Hare in the hair?
A Dolphin on the chin?
A Spider inside 'er (I know, postman should be a him)?
A Mole in the hole?

The Michelin man down by the docks?

EDIT nice one Enzyme!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:10, closed)

A cat
On the twat?
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:10, closed)

A bee
on the knee
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:12, closed)

Foxes
on the coccyx?
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:12, closed)

Bugs
On the jugs.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:13, closed)

A possum
on the bottom?
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:13, closed)

A sloth
on his toeth



/lisp
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:14, closed)

stoat
on the throat

A lizard in the gizzard.

EDIT: Shit! Beaten to it!
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:14, closed)

A stoat
On the throat?

^^ we have to have sex now, or things would be awkward.

Dammit...
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:14, closed)

As I said it first
you should both have sex with me.

Starting with...

*eeny, meanie, miney moes*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:15, closed)

@Kaol
if I had a quid for every time I've heard that line...
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:16, closed)

A lemur
on the femur?
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:16, closed)

A salt water crocodile
On the...







Bugger.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:16, closed)

a hart
in the heart
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:16, closed)

An alligator
on the procrastinator? (penis).
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:17, closed)

A goat in a boat washing
his scrote?

*EDIT* CHCB that's twice in one day we've come up with the same answer, do you think this means anything...?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:17, closed)

An aye-aye
in the eye?

A dik-dik on the dick?


Naaaah. They're lame. But I'll suggest them anyway.
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:18, closed)

a manatee
in the phalanges

EDIT: @Bert - it means we are very sad cool people.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:19, closed)

A magpie
On the japs-eye?
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:19, closed)

A Robin
on the nobbin?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:20, closed)

Helmut Kohl
in the soul?

@CHCB Well, we're certainly the coolest people around here...
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:21, closed)

a chilli
on the willy.

EDIT: damn straight, Sexmonkey!
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:22, closed)

A Crow with a Machine Gun
Who put the gun down as 'he wasn't worth it'.

And then bit him.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:22, closed)

@ Burt...
Don't flatter yourself, it doesn't take much...
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:23, closed)

@osok
Winner!

@Kaol It's like winning Gold at the special olympics.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:23, closed)

A buffalo
on his shin!

*doesn't get this joke*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:24, closed)

@ Burt
Yeah, it'd be better to be non-retarded...

P.S. A shrimp on his gimp?
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:25, closed)

In our case Kaol,
I think the term is b3tarded, and I'm sure we'll all agree that it's not a bad thing.

A Macaque on the back?

I love you al, you'll always be the winner of my heart
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:26, closed)

A macaw
On the jaw.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:27, closed)

an ox
in the oxter

*apologises for geographically-limited joke*
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:27, closed)

An ass
on the ass?
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:28, closed)

@CHCB
It appears that Northern Irish is very similar to Scots. Oxter. Pfft!
( K2k6 is having Christmas issues, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:30, closed)

A crab
On his flab.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:31, closed)

A SAAB
on his flaarb?

/Surrey
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:31, closed)

A great big nob
up his jacksey!

Woohoo!
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:35, closed)

Or
A sack cloth mask....

on his head as he walked down a dark corridor toward you.

saw the orphanage at the weekend. Still sleeping with the door closed
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:37, closed)

Oh, just one more then
A Minke


On the pinkie?


(Be a big letterbox, mind)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:38, closed)

@al - I feel your pain!
I had two days of sleeping with the landing light on after watching The Orphanage. Someone who raved about it omitted to tell me how fucking terrifying it was.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:41, closed)

I'm going to have to see this Orphanage.
Whereabouts is it? -surely the kids can't be that ugly?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:42, closed)

@CHCB
Ummm... yeah. Sorry 'bout that...



Not really sorry at all
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:44, closed)

@Enzyme
Check your cellar for dead children.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:45, closed)

It's definitely the scariest film I have every seen
I went to see it with the girlfriend and another girl, and at the very start when they looked into the cave at the beach she let out this weird high pitched inward whistly scream noise in terror. I nearly wet myself laughing at that point.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:45, closed)

I went to see it
with the current ex and spent the whole film clinging to him like a limpet with dependency issues. At the end he politely pointed out that it is no longer his job to have me digging my fingernails into him and shrieking in his ear, no matter the circumstances.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:48, closed)

I hope
you showed him how wrong he was by taking him down the nearest alley for a bit of how's your father.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:51, closed)

I love the finger nail digging
it's the best way for a lady to crank up the warp drive when I'm in the sack.

Ear shrieking is a no-no though.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:52, closed)

Hmmmm
*starts growing fingernails and practising biting tongue*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:54, closed)

it's fair to say
I'm less of a shrieker and more of a groaner.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:55, closed)

Moaning and groaning are ok
But *TMI alert again* Mrs monkeysex sometimes lets out this loud, whimper-y sort of sound that's just...

Oh...

My...

*spluffs*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:56, closed)

I really can't get
Drawn into this debate.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 14:59, closed)

Because you're so vocal
that the ears of children on the other side of the world begin to bleed when you come?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:01, closed)

No.
Because...
I don't want to disturb people.
*grins*
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:02, closed)

^
while dolphins whimper in pain?

Edit: damn my slow posting
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:02, closed)

and bats
fall out of the sky, asploding like little fireworks of meat.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:02, closed)

Meat fireworks?
Amazing!
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:06, closed)

asploding?
that sounds painful.

and don't just ninja it away.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:07, closed)

Asploding
Is a b3taism. Probably stolen from Family Guy, I think.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:08, closed)

you do realise
that we've given almost 100 replies to a really shit post.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:10, closed)

"Given"?
We've bestowed our Holy Presence on this post?

What Day is it by the way?
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:12, closed)

S&M tuesday
bitch
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:14, closed)

*punches Al in the throat*
Thanks.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:14, closed)

Spank me!

We should probably set up our own splinter-b3ta, i wonder how many people read our inane ramblings...?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:15, closed)

*spanks monkey*
*spanks Bert*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:16, closed)

Not many
I'd imagine we're on a lot of peoples "Ignore" lists.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:17, closed)

I like that we've given this post
so many replies, we've added a story, some twists and a bit of humour to a fairly bland response.
(no offence)

Being *ignored* is one of my goals in life, it makes me feel special.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:17, closed)

100?
doh
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

100?
doh!
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

100?
YES!
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

Me!


Well done, al, you deserved it.

*pats on back*
*ruffles hair*
*stabs*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

You'll never know if
You're "ignored" or not though, as the people who are ignoring you won't say.

It's like the "Tree falling in the forest" thing.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:19, closed)

my first ever century.
yay.

Can you find out who is ignoring you?
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:20, closed)

Probably not
But I guess you'd know because they weren't responding to your replies.

Half the time I think CHCB's got me on ignore, she hardly ever seems to acknowledge my aggressive sexual advances posts.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:21, closed)

Me?
On the brain?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:23, closed)

Hey Bob!
How's it going?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:25, closed)

Hi Bob!
*waves*

if you wanted to know about Kaols self tapping penis you need to scroll back to the DIY QOTW. Or just ask him.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:26, closed)

Self tapping penis?
Did I miss that?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:28, closed)

I don't have anyone on ignore!
I'm just selective when it comes to sexual advances. Well, I say "selective", but I mean "not random". Well, I say "not random", but I mean "grateful". Well, I say "grateful", but I mean "desperate".
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:29, closed)

Hullo!
I'm ok! Got a migraine today, so taken day off work. I'm just taking a few minutes to check b3ta, whilst the toy soldiers I'm painting have a chance to dry.

How's you lovely people?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:29, closed)

@alBertKaol
Or Albert Kaol.

Puts me in mind of a Nazi war criminal who skipped Nuremburg and lives in a tax-free nonogenarian haven somewhere in Brazil.

Merely an observation.
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:30, closed)

We are
Three separate people, I promise!
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:31, closed)

^^
Technically, so were the Knights Who Say "Ni!"

*edit* not sure where I'm going with this.
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:32, closed)

I can assure you
that we are definitely not him.

Oh no.

Nothing to do with us.

at all.

certainly not war criminals.

On an unrelated topic, does anyone else ever get the fear that actually, all the other people on this site are not the 20-odd to 30 odd group of crazy kooks and internet nerds that they claim to be and are actually 12 years boys sitting in darkened rooms and talking with adult voices in an attempt to "groom" me for some kind of deviant sexual fantasy?
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

@ Al
No.
( Cawl - King Of Wales, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:34, closed)

@CHCB
That's just not true. A lully lady like you can have her pick.

@Bob I'm very good thank you, b3taing all day is good for the soul. *topshops*

@al Good lord no, I mean, why would anyone do that...?

*shifts nervously in his seat*
*adjusts Ben 10 t-shirt*
*looks suspiciously from side to side*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 15:37, closed)

@ Al
Okay. I'll own up.

The photo in my profile....actually that's my mum. I'm really 12 years old.


I'm grooming you to be my sex-slave....but I'm into Dom stuff...so you'll have to lick my shoes and do all the housework while I eat chocolate and watch tv.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

But once i've done all that
then we get to have sex yeah? I mean, there's demeaning, and then there's just cruel.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:32, closed)

@al
You want to have sex with a twelve year old...?

What's that in goat years?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:37, closed)

errrm
well

*looks around*

Look Bert! A Goat with a tube of KY Jelly!

*runs*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:38, closed)

I'm not sure my mum would approve.
She might ground me.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:38, closed)

*grinds*


*bumps*

*don't see nothin' wrong*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:40, closed)

well
actually, since the photos on your profile aren't you, is your mum busy?

edit - that's right bert, and age ain't nuthin' but a number.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:40, closed)

*Sigh* I'm useless at this cloak and dagger stuff
*Hands over cloak and dagger


That's me. I'm not twelve...well..I am on the inside, where it counts.

And given the chance I'd groom you all to be my slaves so I can drink wine, eat chocolate and never have to work again.


and anyone who says 'You already do that' I'll smack
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:45, closed)

You already do that!
*bends over*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:46, closed)

(ahem)
twelve on the inside where it counts.


*sniggers at hilarious minge reference*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:49, closed)

Why didn't I think of that?
al, as ever, you are the master.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:54, closed)

Did you know?
That Dame Slap (from Enid Blyton's fantastic Faraway Tree books) who used to slap all the naughty boys and girls now is called Dame Snap (in modern reprints) and just shouts at them!!

That's appalling.

Bring back good old corporal punishment for those bad elves I say!


*Slaps Bert

*EDIT* Well done Al...I knew someone with a filthy mind would cotton on ...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:02, closed)

Aw, yeah.
Thanks chickenlady, I needed that.

Maybe as a part of Frigstianity we could have a slap-a-brat day?
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:05, closed)

@ Bert
Oh YES!


Can we slap any random brat do you think?

Or should there be specially designated brats...a bit like Vestal Virgins, but Slap Brats.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:11, closed)

Any random brat would do
It'd be like the running of the bulls in Pamplona, except with us, some irritating little shits, and we'd be running through a shopping centre in Basildon.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:16, closed)

Fantastic
*Gets out white shirt and trousers

*Puts away trousers when realises knickers are visible
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:25, closed)

*gasps*
I saw your pance!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:28, closed)

Phew!
*Relieved that remembered to wear knickers
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 17:33, closed)

You're a right tease Mrs PJM
I've got the horn now.

*blows*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 9:28, closed)

Aaaaah
thanks Bert, I needed that.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 9:47, closed)

*Takes photographs

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 11:52, closed)