Last?
Eh! sorry.
( big-girl's-baubles is tired of fighting the inevitable, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:09, closed)

I'm going to get it AGAIN this week..
Hah
( TY&GN, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:16, closed)

Damn
I wanted to be last this week. Oh well, better go and have another wank instead.
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:24, closed)

It's a bit early for this isn't it?

( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

I'd forgotten all about 4pm on a Wednesday!
I was too busy holding my head in my hands and crying over my marking.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:30, closed)

chickenlady, for shame
And you working at home in the nuddie too.

I may just be imagining the nuddie part
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:31, closed)

@ Al
Sorry to burst your bubble
*pop*
But I'm in jeans, t-shirt and a little red jacket with a white fury collar - the ones my 'friends' say makes me look like a slutty Santa.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:33, closed)

Lies!
It's all lies!

*puts fingers in ears*

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

mind you, slutty santa eh?
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:34, closed)

@al
I read that second 'nuddie' as 'maddie'.

I forgot about 4pm too! What were we doing that was so important?

Ditto on the slutty santa, I imagined a cartoon 'ba-doing!' when I read that.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

^^ Slutty Santa
Fond memories.
Xmas 2001 - stockroom of charity shop where my ex worked. She dressed as slutty santa.

*Hhhmmm*
*Adjusts trousers*
(Boss Keloid Has 16 days off! Wooo!, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:40, closed)

I have some lovely 'friends'
One fine chap often refers to me as 'The Crack Whore' - affectionately mind.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:43, closed)

Affectionate crack whores are my favourite
After the ones that stand on my balls.
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:45, closed)

Presumably you take them to Chester Zoo with you
Go and see the thread about monkey world.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:46, closed)

*fingers bum*
*eats poo*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 16:49, closed)

Well
that killed this thread.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:04, closed)

*finger bum and eats poo*
*just to prove chickenlady wrong*
( althechristmasgeordie swooping in there like a randy eagle., Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:07, closed)

Oh dear god...you're all doing it now
*Puts on overalls, snaps on rubber elbow-length gauntlets


Right
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:10, closed)

Dearsweetmotherofmary
That may be the sexiest thing I've ever seen on b3ta...
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:11, closed)

No this is the sexiest thing ever on B3ta

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:16, closed)

*asplodes from a spluff overload*

( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:19, closed)

It has nearly the same effect on me
But I won't go into details, but let's just say the lolminge won't stick on afterwards.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:20, closed)

Wholly unsticky lolminges, Batman!
The doc has just signed me off for 2 more weeks. I'm going fishing. That's supposed to be relaxing.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:23, closed)

I
Think that I would just get incredibly annoyed if I went fishing. Bet the fish wouldn't bite just to annoy me...

But then again, I got annoyed at a door earlier. Stupid lack of sleep.

It also took four attempts to type this.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:26, closed)

I've never been fishing before
but a nice bloke invited me, plus I like eating fish. As should you, you're a penguin.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:26, closed)

Hooray for fishing!
Women are supposedly very good anglers - their natural calmness attracts the little fishes.

Just don't try catching them with balls of bread and cream cheese. It doesn't work as bait. Neither does McCowan's Highland Toffee.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:29, closed)

^
That's what nice bloke said about women fishing, though he claimed it was female hormones on the bait or something. I'm thinking: secluded riverbank, sunny day, gurgling river, cold beer, hot guy, fish for tea.

Edit: this does involve poaching from the local landed gentry though, which adds an illicit thrill to the proceedings.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:31, closed)

Why
Would you try and use cheese and bread to catch fish?

Just use your beak like the rest of us.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:31, closed)

I'm jealous
You both have beaks. I just have a crack.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:32, closed)

McCowan's Highland Toffee?
FUCK YEAH!


I haven't got any teeth left now though.

*EDIT* Cheerios everyone!
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:33, closed)

@ CHCB
Yes, I think you're right. I'm only kidding myself when I say that we have a natural calmness.

@PoD
How do you type then? With your beak?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:33, closed)

@ Bert
Bye bye monkey!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:36, closed)

Hmm
I feel I may not have thought the typing thing through properly. Lets go with typing with the beak. That seems to work.

*waves*

Bye Bert!
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:36, closed)

cheerio
simian sex-fiend.
( crackhouseceilidhband I'd sell your heart to the junkman baby for a buck, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:37, closed)

PoD
Doesn't it give you a headache? All that pounding your head backwards and forwards?




*EDIT* And the typing
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:37, closed)

Hmm cont.
Continues to think that he hasn't though this through fully. Hmm.

Lets go instead with that I have one of those cool things that reads your pupil movement and translates it into words.

Yes, eyes.

I actually did bang my head off a wall quite a lot earlier.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:41, closed)

PoD
But only one eye at a time...as yours are on the side of your head.


You really haven't thought this one through have you?

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:44, closed)

No
No I have not.

Would you care to come up with a suitable solution for me?
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:47, closed)

You're really a monkey
(opposable thumbs you see), simply dressed up as a penguin.


*EDIT* I have just realised the flaw in that solution....you'll become the victim to the Albert Kaol Trio of Monkeygoateers.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:48, closed)

Truly Efficient Fishing
Involves a judicious amount of High Explosives.

And a net.

Then take the rest of the afternoon off.


(Don't use too much or your fish will be not only minced, but pre-cooked and thinly coated over the surrounding countryside).


(And policemen come)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:49, closed)

Noooo
I don't want to be a monkey, it will only result in getting attacked by several people around here.

I am in fact 100% penguin.

That's what you have to work with.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:50, closed)

Osok
Sounds like you're speaking from personal experience....


PoD - I shall consider this one. I'm inclined to think maybe (if you're unwilling to become simian) that perhaps you could have wing/fingers like the penguin in the Aardman films.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:52, closed)

Oooo
Now there be a good idea.

Fingers on the ends of my wings. Now there's a good solution.

Mmmm, wings.
(ReindeerOfDeath wants a holiday on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:54, closed)

*whistles innocently*
Who me?

Honest, M'Lud, I would never dream of such a beastly and heinious act in any way.

I'll stick to blowing up chicken-imprisoning fences and freeing my poor brethren....



...damn.

Quack.

PPLF* - the struggle goes on.



*Paltry Poultry Liberation Front. Not to be confused with the Poorly Poultry LF, the Pottery Poultry LF, or the Paramilitary Poultry LF (Officials). Splitters.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 17:59, closed)

Right, I'm back again, who missed me?
Babe, I'm back again,
Babe, where have you been...?

I'll tell you where I've been, up to London to see the Queen.

*mixes it up rudeboy style*
( Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Thu 1 May 2008, 9:56, closed)