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This is a question Awesome Sickies

A colleague has been off work for two weeks now - apparently he's got something they can't diagnose, (although they know for sure it's not Legionnaires, Malaria, BSE or AIDS, he's supposedly in isolation). We are all sure he's merely sitting in the sun waiting for the World Cup to come on the telly.

What have you invented to get off work?

(, Fri 9 Jun 2006, 7:40)
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The most simple rule of Sickies...
Noone is EVER ill for a day, yet so many people say "no questions were asked the next day"... That friends is becuase your boss is sat there marking up another wierd one-day teminal illness that resulted in you looking refreshed and happy.

Keep it simple. Don't specifiy an illness: give symptoms. If you boss suggests you have flu, go with it; it was his idea.
a) You don't know what's wrong with you, you just feel TERRIBLE
b) You have trouble with your balance,
c) you're "going hot and cold so fast that it's confusing"...
d) describe how you woke up with the sheets wet with sweat, but you were shivering...
e) "It's wierd... I just don't feel like eating"
f) go for too much info...
i)"I just can't seem to keep my food inside me... it goes RIGHT through me.
ii)"my pee smells kinda funny too"
iii) "I've had so little sleep becuase i
ve been shitting my guts out all night"

3 days.

There is a 3 day rule. You KNOW that flu is not a one day thing. you have to have one day of "serious illness" when you ring your boss... or even BETTER... Don't ring. Let them ring you.. at which point you pull the "Couldn't find energy to get out of bed" line, and sound like hell... then you need AT LEAST 2 days of recovery. This allows you a day of packing, and 2 days of fun.

The effect is bettered by a day's ground-work. Simply eat 10 bannanas (or similar) for breakfast. This is a sure-fire way to balls-up your stomach and make you feel crap all day. Whine and grumble to colleagues: There's no better backup than your colleagues invoulantarily saying "well.. he was looking really bad yesterday... said he felt terrible"
Girls? Skip the make-up, go for a slightly pasty look ;o)

Extra sympathy can be gleaned by "feeling shit" all day friday, and when you return to work on wednesday, say you spent the entire weekend in bed.

Remind your boss that it would be crippling for the rest of your colleagues if you were to come in and cough everywhere, thus locking a lot more colleagues to this terrible bug.

Doctors? Only irresponsible people go to the doctor and waste thier time with a simple bug like flu.... point this out to your boss too.

My Sickies are usually an exaggeration of the truth. Sure... I HAVE been ill... but it was a hangover... stretch it. Use it, Embrace the gift :o)

****************************************

No, it's note really a vote-worthy story... But maybe, Just maybe, the amateur Sickie-pullers will now extend thier bluffs, and manage a greater level of boss-convincing sickie tactics.

Go forth and be "ill". Reap the reward for ingenious acting.
(, Sat 10 Jun 2006, 10:44, closed)

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