... so it's 10pm on a Friday night, and the woman at the bar asks for another glass of red wine.
Having finished the previous bottle on her last drink, I get a new one out and proceed to open it.

During the process, due to my supreme powers of klutziness, I somehow manage to snap the neck of the bottle and thrust my thumb onto the jagged glass, severing it to the bone. Blood everywhere.

Being the only member of staff in the building that evening, I have to then:

A: Wrap my thumb in a bar towel, which instantly becomes a dripping, blood-soaked rag

B: Get everyone out of the bar

C: Clean up, close up and lock up

D: Get myself to hospital

I do £20 out of the till for the cab, and it being 10pm on a Friday in Central Mordor, A & E is completely chocka - tramps fighting with themselves, junkies passing out with needles in their arms, children with pots stuck on their heads - the lot. I turn up and say "I've cut my thumb ... ". I realise the contrast but the nurses are already weary, do me some butterfly plaster stitches, and give me just wan smiles and tell me they'll be with me when they can. I 'phone back to the bar and leave a message on the machine detailing what happened, to kill some time.

I get out, stitched and bandaged, at 4am, and start the 2-hour process of getting home. I leave a message on the answerphone to the effect that there's no way I'm going to be in for 10am bottling up, but I am so skint that I know it won't be much beyond that.

On my arrival at around 1130, I am something of a hero to the locals - good job on sorting them all out, closing the bar, cleaning up and getting to the sawbones - was I OK and look at that bandage.

Management saw it slightly differently, however. I was immediately taken out back, and asked why was I opening a new bottle at 10pm? Why couldn't I have used butterfly stitches from the first aid box and closed at 11pm? Why hadn't I turned the fridge lights off? Why was the jukebox still on? Why wasn't I in for 10am bottling up? And why in god's own teeth is there £20 missing from the till?!

I handed in my resignation there and then. Broke? There's being a whore, and there's being a crack whore.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 12:45, 4 replies)

Click
for "There's being a whore, and there's being a crack whore."
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 13:16, closed)

Not me but...
the chef at my place of work chopped a portion of his finger off on tuesday morning. His managers reaction to this was "Ok, nip down the A&E, get it stitched & we'll see you back here in an hour or two, yeah" they went on to tell him that he would expected to work the next day too!
(MyFakeName, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 14:17, closed)

I would click this
but you seem to think I'm a woman.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 17:42, closed)

broken bottles and hands - not a good combination..
I did this recently to my hand, courtesy of the free bubbly we give out at nightclubs, someone handed it back (probably because it tasted terrible..) I tried to put the cork back in, the neck shattered, my hand bled. Nice.



Length? - About an inch long and nearly an inch deep..
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Fri 11 Jun 2010, 9:25, closed)