I think it's me....
I'm getting on a bit but all my nephews refer to me as florid Uncle James and all my life I have been held up to them by my elder brother as the sort of person they should not talk to as I would lead them astray. On the very rare occasions they do talk to me I like to think they have been pleasantly surprised but I have never been very sure of this. I seem to have got into an awful lot of trouble in my life and it is a relief to be retired and relieved of the world and its un-knobbled strife.....
( drjames, Sun 16 Jan 2005, 0:14, Reply)

black sheep
i was and am the black sheep. it's a label you can't shake no matter how old you get. baaaaa
(julreebbs, Sun 16 Jan 2005, 0:13, Reply)

My own father
A gifted jazz musician, left when I was wee, dated a series of problem drinkers, hocked his trumpet, took up driving a cab, then moved to Alberta for a few years, then came back with a fiancee. They both moved in with his parents who came home a week later to find their liquor cabinet smashed open and emptied, with the fiancee passed out amidst the pieces of their coffee table, and now he's disowned and she flew back West.

The weird thing is, my mother's family still talks kindly about him.
(Random Ferret, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 21:44, Reply)

Im closely related to a certain fuzzy haired, aging rockstar
Who appears on otherwise acceptable comedy quizzes and used to sing an annoying Christmas song.

I dont talk to him since he said "Ya look a bit fat, girl!" to me last Solstice.
(Ocarina and the horse comes., Sat 15 Jan 2005, 21:09, Reply)

For Doctor Evil
Fortunately, no I am in no way related to Mark Thatcher. Cranberry.

Sadly, I could have saved the world a lot of trouble by going on an intra-familiar homicidal rampage, had I been.

Parmesan.
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 20:18, Reply)

I have big brother.
He's watching me and staring at whatever i'm doing all the time. He has a big moustache and he's about 21 years old this year.
( Laughing Boy, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 19:09, Reply)

Mu uncle is a nonse
....what else can I say. Never seen him since. Don't think I ever want either
(sillypoo, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 18:37, Reply)

my uncle slightly odd
my uncle has smoked canabis everyday since he was 15 hes now 35. this has turned him slighly mental. he thinks that the police/ mob / dealers are after him so hes gone into hiding. every now and then he turns up at my house and we give him a bag full of fresh clean cloths then he leaves immeadiately and goes back into hiding.
(fwack bang on it, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 18:33, Reply)

Family rift over game console
My auntie hasn't spoken to her brother since he broke her Sega Megadrive in about 1993.

My family is ridiculous.
(mrmistoffeles, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 17:55, Reply)

Lovely Brother
My lovely brother, got married to a nice girl, had a kid, went out to work every day.

Except that ten minutes later after his wife took the kid to nursery and then went off to work - he came home and sat watching television all day. This went on until all of their money ran out, he then forged his wifes signature and cashed in their endowment mortgage without telling her.

When that money ran out he came to me and borrowed money. Of course everything eventually fell apart and his wife divorced him.

When I eventually saw my brother again he said to me: "None of this would have happened if you'd have lent me more money."

Luckily he hasn't spoken to me since (three years) what a loss...
.
(SproutsAreEvil, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 17:41, Reply)

Several.
My ex-Sister-in-law is an honest to God crack-whore, no joke. Se sells her nasty body for crack. I hate her, she ruined my brother's life.

My dad is a true sociopath, he's just not homicidal. An ex-navy SEAL who sits around playing video games and doesn't pay our mortage, my mom kicks him out every day, he just won't leave.

My mom is hilarious. When she gets mad or wants to rant at us, she does it in e-mail form. I read these e-mails while my mom's in the room playing tetris. She doesn't want to talk about them because, "I said everything I wanted to in the e-mail."

My oldest sister's husband moved to the Honduras, but they're not divorced and e's still giving her money, but he wants to live there. and we still like him.

But the family gripes at me because I'm 23 and dating a 29 year old with 2 kids that aren't mine. I think I'm the sanest person.

No apologies for length, I'm proud of my length, just not the girth, or how much fun anyone else thinks it is.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 17:08, Reply)

My uncle,
who claimed to have cancer and got his family quite shitted up. Of course, it was untrue and was only trying to get some money to pay off his gambling debts.
It all fell apart within the first few minutes of meeting him, when we noticed that his colostomy bag was actually a Tesco's carrier bag.

Ah, and worst of all, the fucker had a house bought for him as he can't be trusted with things such as rent.
( gazz, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 16:43, Reply)

My Brother...
...became the black sheep of the family after dropping out of University and going to hairdressing college instead.


He's barber black sheep.



(With apologies to Spike Milligan for nicking the gag)
(Tri-ang is keeping up his 1 post per 2 months average, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 16:18, Reply)

not so much black sheep as odd
brother in law has always been a bit on the weird side, by all accounts highly intelligent but prone to rather strange behaviour, few years ago his new company car arrived 3 weeks prior to him taking his dreadful brood to eurodisney on holiday(evidence enough) the poor boy was horrified ,he'd got a diesel and worried about it's performance constantly, anyhow with a week to go before the holiday he makes the big decision, packs the family and luggage into the car and sets off to eurodisney from the midlands, gets to the gates, announces he's happy that the car will make it and promptly heads home again, I'm assured by his kids that apart from the ferry crossing, no one got out of the car on the journey......................they went again the next week and had a good time secure in the knowledge that they'd make it home
( Dill, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Our black sheep is called Flossie.

( ArthurTheRat, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 14:54, Reply)

My family is entirely
black sheep, but no-one agree who is who. Father, sister - alcoholics. Father dead, sister's partner dead, one (15 year old) kid in care, been busted for theft, habitual liar. Cousins on uncle's side - none speak to each, one got out to Canada. After dad died someone (don't know who) made off with all his stuff. Pfft. The insurance money went 'missing' and I had to pay for the funeral and headstone myself.

I live at home and look after my incapacitated mother and work nights in a hospital. Degree, good job, never in trouble, sometimes wonder if mum ever played an away game...
(Small Beer, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 14:48, Reply)

my nan
shes in a home and we dont go to see her anymore cause she doesnt remember any of us shes not so much of a black sheep as much as she is a forgotten sheep that has demensia
(fwack bang on it, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 14:29, Reply)

my gay cousin
were terrible homophobics in my familly see.
(fwack bang on it, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 14:24, Reply)

My friggin cousin
I have a cousin on my mother's side that is a crack addict. The best part is she is also hooked on meth. She has borrowed, robbed, or stolen from everybody in the family. (She still owes me $1,500 from 6 years ago.) She is not spoken to by anybody in my immediate family, which is no big loss.

We also don't speak to anybody else on the rest of my mum's side, because they are all siding with the crack-head and think that we are wrong for talking bad about her.
(Sofanda Peters, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 14:18, Reply)

My family is all black sheep with a few white
My dad ran off ages ago and recently helped form a new communist party within the UK to fuel his Napoleon complex and used to do a little work for that lovely mr Galloway who was accused of dealings with Sadam... *ahem* I have weak alleged links with a former Iraqi dictator... that six digrees of seperation?

My little sister openly and proudly tells people about dreams she's had of murdering them and how much she enjoys it and even (No shit) posted it on her online journal. She also killed off one of our older pets by feeding it playing cards, after which it, (In her own words) "Screamed it's self to death for two days."

We don't even speak to anyone on my mum's side of the family except my mum, which is strange because we speak to everyone on my dad's side of the family except my dad.

My mum, by day is a middle aged secondary school/college biology teacher, by night she's a Mansonite. (Seriously)And, at the funeral of her favorite nan whilst at the crematorium almost busted a gut laughing at a bin that said "No hot ashes."

Even every pet we've had has been pretty twisted, we've had a hamster that can unscrew rotastak and unclip most cage doors, a budgie with one leg broken @ 90 degrees permanently and a hamster that was so stupid she killed an entire litter of 11 largely from sitting on them and once failed to escape from a cage with the door open for the entire night.

I could go on for much, much longer but hey, enjoy!
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 13:53, Reply)

Uncle Rastus
Mum recently got all our old "cine camera" tapes(crap old thing that filmed about 8 seconds of footage with no sound before needing more film)put on video.

My sister watching her own christening inquires as to the origin of the single noticable black fella amoung all recognisable peolpe entering the church to which my dad tells her

"That's Uncle Rastus, he's the black sheep of the family ..... Mum refuses to talk of him"

My sister often talks about how its a shame that we never kept in contact with Uncle Rastus ....... she is now 28.

Apologies for length and to the random bloke that Mum caught on film, I hope he enjoyed the Christening he was attending after ours.
(Tim K, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 12:21, Reply)

This is probably quite tame by a lot of peoples standards...
...but none the less, it's the tale of my familys' black sheep.

Before WW1 my Great-Grandfather was a reasonably well-off land owner and farmer in Cambridge, and was also a member of the Terratorial Army.

Well, when WW1 reared its' ugly head, my Great-Grandfather, along with many other young men of the day, went over to serve King and Country... his brother, on the other hand, didn't.

So WW1 came, and went, and my Great-Grandfather returned to find his large-ish farm, reduced to just over an acre. While he'd been away, his brother had sold it for next-to-nothing, and pocketed the cash.

Apparently when my Great-Grandfather eventually died, his brother had the nerve to turn up at the wake (not the funeral mind you) and demand the remaining estate. My grandfather apparently told him to "sling his hook".

Rumour has it that said brothers' side of the family eventually turned into Cambridges equivalent to the Mafia, though how true that is is questionable.
(minister of heresy, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 11:04, Reply)

Auntie Me
My lovely Auntie Me is a silly ass drunk who after years of not showing up for family functions and making lame excuses for it and years of sending regifted items (ex:for my 20th birthday she sent me a necklace that my mum gave to my grammy after her honeymoon, one that was 'supposedly' lost mind you) She showed up to her 96 year old fathers funeral totally hammered and she got there early to stash beer in a closet!!! Lets just say she is not on speed dial anymore
(roxandsand24, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 7:44, Reply)

My grandmother sent dead roses to her brother in law's funeral.
Class, eh? Something about her sister abandoning their father in the worst old age home imaginable and then snaking the inheritance, I believe. No one talks about it much, as it makes gran quite angry.
(save a quarter, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 4:48, Reply)

My mom's the black sheep.
And I'm quite ok with that. My redneck racist extended family on my mother's side decided to disown my mother after she married my step-father (a wonderful, decent person), a "halfbreed" (Native American/Caucasian), they never had a problem with my biological father who beat my mother while she was holding newborn me, broke her nose 3 times, and abused every drug he could get his hands on.
So now our little nuclear family is the bit that's not included.
(Sinister, baby is waiting for ffej..., Sat 15 Jan 2005, 4:11, Reply)

My Gran (mother's mother) was pretty bad
She's dead now, God rest her evil festering soul. Let's just try and list some of the things she's done...

When we went out for a meal one time, she couldn't decide what to have to drink, and eventually decided to order some "sparkling tap water". Yup, she didn't want plain old tap water, but sparkling mineral water was too much. She did of course complain when they bought out sparking mineral water, and then - upon noticing the look of restrained amusement on my sister's face - made some very scathing comment about us all "knowing shat she was up to" and continued to insult her for the whole remainder of the meal.

She also refused to talk to my mother for two years upon finding out that she's gone to visit my other gran for a week, and not her (probably a blessing considering her frequent graphic discussion of her bowel problems when on the phone). Prior to this she always instructed mai mother to only visit HER with her time off, and none of our other relatives.

Everything my Grandpa ever said, she would question him patronisingly til he changed his mind. Fortunately my Grandpa is a smart man, and soon learnt to never say what he initially meant.

I'm sure there's many other terrible things she's done, but those are the best. I'm very upset that a quarter of my DNA came from this woman.
(noom, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 3:21, Reply)

Dodgy Uncle
My Uncle is great. He was avoiding tax so whoever demands tax took him to court. He payed off a doctor to sign him up as being illiterate and the court let said Uncle off as he couldn't read his mail.

He also once turned up at my grans house with a shotgun case full of money (no joke) and stashed it under her bed for 2 months. No one ever found out what it was for.

Oh, he split up with his wife as well and married a gypsy woman as well (actually, she's quite pleasant but slightly nuts)
(grimmmy, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 1:47, Reply)

Yup, this is *the* most depressing question compo ever. Officially.
I forgot to add the other reason I'm the black sheep - I'm open and honest about my mental illness (bipolar) and it makes my mum (depressive codependent), dad (alcoholic) and brother (wifebeating alcoholic sociopath) very unhappy as they prefer to hide the shame lest the neighbours find out.

It's the new millenium, we should all be able to dance in daisy-covered fields holding hands.
(seanfish, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 1:32, Reply)

Bloody hell...
...this is depressing, ain't it?

My extended family is great, thanks. We all get on really well, have family get-togethers whenever we can, love each other to bits (despite having 28 first cousins and assorted aunts, uncles and grandparents). The closest we came to a major argument was when one aunt and uncle outstayed their welcome on holiday with my grandparents, but it all blew over in the end.

Just thought you all needed a bit of cheering up.

Edit: to make this a valid compo entry, I don't talk to my gran very often, being as she's dead and all. She had an illegitimate child to a WWII sailor. But nobody minded.
(HectorProtector, Sat 15 Jan 2005, 1:11, Reply)