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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Im sure a lot of people are aware of this already,
but a few years ago (seems like a lifetime now), I had a little run in with the law.

I left my flat on a friday evening to go and visit my dear mum for the weekend. Had a lovely weekend, and got some good R'n'R.

Mum drove me back on the sunday, and when we got to my flat, I was first through the door while mum was faffing with something in the car, which was lucky for me.

I got through the door and was horrified to find that all my possesions where scattered uncaringly aound the place and there was a note on the table, that to paraphrase said "The pigs were here, we've taken loads of stuff. Please come and be arrested by lunchtime tuesday."

Mum came in, commented that the place was a pig sty, and that was that for the moment. It wasnt until another three months down the line that she found out why my place was the sty it was.

The bastards had left all my vinyl next to the radiator. The had also seized over 100 items of "evidence" which lead to some moments of light relief while I was being interogated. When smug twat copper shows me a bag full of knives covered in a mysterious brown substance that they were very sure was resin, they refused to take a taste test to check my claim that I had been living off nutella sandwiches for a the last two weeks and was to lazy to wash up after myself.

The also confused an incense cone holder with a crack pipe. I ask you?

In the end the evidence list was dropped down to only three items, but that didnt stop me going to magistrates court five times, only for the magistrates to decide it was a matter they couldnt deal with, before bundling me off to crown court. Some arse court recorder decided I was public enemy number one and gave me six months and three months concurrent for possesion and intent to supply cannabis.

Prison food is shit, but the library privileges are great, and there are no bills to pay, so it wasnt all bad.

edit: I missed Christmas because of this. I mad it down to see my dad in the summer afterwards, and ended up picking my christmas presents up. Missed the last bus home and walked 5 miles quite drunk. Got picked up by the rozzers (they must have a radar for me). When questioned as to what was in the bag, my Reply of "Christmas presents" got me thoroughly searched, but they did apologise aftwerwards.
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:19, closed)

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