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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Around the age of 15
myself, my slightly younger cousin and a few others were off drinking in the park - drink of choice was Vodka, mixed into a half empty Lucozade bottle (normal orange stuff, this was before the fancy flavours).

A typical night would involve me and a mate buying everyone's booze in the only local offie that wasn't concerned what age you were, then we'd all stand around freezing, drinking and talking bollocks to impress the girls.

This night my cousin has a real session, and is totally paraletic - I find him face down at the bottom of a tree, not looking too clever and with puke all over. I pick him up and with the help of another lad we start carting him home, one arm over each shoulder. After a few minutes the police drive by and stop us. A young copper asks if we've been drinking (by this stage we'd let my cousin drop to the floor and he was quietly singing 'Wonderwall'), so we admit that my cousin may or may not have had an ale or two, but we're tea-total and just bringing him home. They scoop him up off the floor and bring him to the back of the car while the younger cop just sort of stands there giving us disapproving looks. Lead copper comes back from the car and says that my 'cousin' claims to have first met me tonight and that I was 19 and had supplied him with all the booze. A bit rich considering at the time we were both 15 and had been trying to get the little bastard home safely, gotta love family loyalty.
(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 16:59, Reply)

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