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This is a question Breakin' The Law

'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'

(, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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not quite the cops - but taxi driver from hell
approx 4 years ago, attended a fancy dress/bad taste party and got royally wasted on ale & speed!!! won 1st prize for my geek get-up and proceeded to neck the 1 litre bottle of 20/20 (ugh does anyone remember how foul that stuff tasted?) evening over and wasted beyond standing i proceeded to fall into the ditch surrounding the rugby club venue whilst awaiting my taxi. un-deterred by the foul smelling mud/piss/water/shite combination that i had fallen into, when the taxi arrived i jumped right in and he proceeded to take me home......out i got (the wife paid the fare) into the house and straight into the shower....more than a little worse for wear i stumbled and pulled the shower curtain & fixings from the ceiling whilst the wife tried to appease the irate cabbie who had returned to out abode to discuss the payment for valeting his shiny new motor because o had left more than a little deposit on his seats & door trim.........she fended him off, but he vowed to return the next day for his fifty quid!!!........next day sure enuff he's there and i bullshitted him with some poverty stricken story saying i'd send him a cheque, insanely believing i was really gonna do this he wrote down his name & address and left it at that............months passed.........i'm standing at the bus stop awaiting the monday morning bus to work & the same geezer pulls up & goes mental at me BIG TIME shouting..screaming..and threatening physical violence.........ME well i totally denied being myself, even to the extent of walking over the road and into the house opposite's porch and made like i was going into the house....HIM got back into his motor & fucked off.............TOSSER
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 13:44, Reply)

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