Breakin' The Law'I'd taken some mushrooms in a pub,' writes Allen Smithee, 'and things had got a bit odd. People turning into goblins, barstools into toadstools etc. I wandered off from my friends and found myself in a carpark. I noticed a huge liquorice allsort driving towards me and Bertie Basset got out. I kinda realised that Bertie was a policeman and my brain went into paranoid fast forward. I decided that I must be being arrested and said, "I'll just get in the back of your car, Officer" Bertie looked at me with disgust, "Not bleeding likely sunshine. Just piss off home ok?"'
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rob, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:34)
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Don't throw stones...This is honestly true... I have a criminal record for throwing a stone into a pond...
Seems stupid I know, but let me explain...
There's a pond in somebody's garden which I pass pretty much every day on my way to the bus stop/village shop/pub etc. Occasionally, there'd be a stone on the road by this pond, which I would pick up off the road and throw into the garden. Occasionally, this would end up in the pond even though I didn't intend for this to happen, I was just making sure that the stones wouldn't be in the way of any cars going down the road (it's a very narrow road). This one time, there was a largish stone on the road, which as usual, I tossed back into the garden. This happened to land in the pond with a bit of a splash, which was unfortunate really as the woman who owned the pond (and the garden too) was in the garden at the time. She thought I had taken the stone out of the garden and deliberately thrown it into her pond. I protested my innocence, but she wasn't having any of it and called the police.
So my criminal record is actually for criminal damage, despite the fact that I kept on saying that the stone was on the road and I was meerly making the road safer for cars.
The good thing is is that in three months time when I turn 18 the record goes away and I'm clean again...
(, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:03, Reply)
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