I broke up this morning (der nerrr ner ner)
My woman done left me (der nerrr ner ner)

You do the rest I can't be bothered.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 19 Sep 2013, 9:51, 1 reply)

I found out my wife was cheating on me
Turns out she was just using the scrabble piece upside down and pretending it was a blank
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 22:53, 6 replies)

My dog's got no nose

(Eukanuba, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 20:52, 6 replies)

It's quite reasonable to wish your girlfriend dead...
to avoid having to break up with her.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 20:13, 16 replies)

I don't know if they split up, but
I had neighbours who would have blazing rows about 5 times a week. The day I finally walked out on my now-ex wife, as I closed the door, they were at it again. I walked away to the sound of "her upstairs" smashing crockery and screaming "your cock /disgusts/ me!"
(m.auron, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 19:42, 7 replies)

Before the trial
I'd like to wish the blade runner athlete luck and break a leg, but that would be tacky. So break a hip, Pistorius.
(roysin, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 19:15, 10 replies)

The rest not included as too negative.
" Look on the bright side, this way we can make 4 people unhappy. "
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 14:12, 3 replies)

I used to own a DVD of an animated feature which told the touching story of an elderly gentleman's wish..
...to visit a place that he and his dead wife had always talked of travelling to. To do so, he attached fuckloads of balloons to his house and FLEW it to the jungle. Turns out the jungle was full of talking dogs and stuff.
Anyway, I quite liked it, but then, one day I accidentally trod on the disc and it snapped in two.

:(
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 14:10, 7 replies)

I once told my mates about the times I had ended relationships.
They were my break-up stories.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 14:04, 2 replies)

We used to live next to a donkey sanctuary
and the inmates often arrived in a state of distress. Rescued from cruel owners or left abandoned in fields, they would be completely lost in their new environment. Often we could hear them hee hawing right through the night and we got little sleep.
At the time our relationship was under stress anyway (another qotw some other time) and this constant disturbance drove us over the edge.
My GF left and I was alone with the donkeys.
I tried to resolve the situation with my neighbour but far from being concerned he said he was proud that his donkeys made so much noise. He said he had held a competition and given a trophy to the loudest one.
And that's my bray cup story.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 18 Sep 2013, 13:58, Reply)

In 1620s France, a combination of badly-worded signage and general illiteracy among the population led to a peasant's revolt
and a newly-instated yet somewhat bewildered mule monarch being carried to the tallest tower, where he was force-fed a quantity of time-travelling MDMA.

Bray King upset o'er Es.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 13:47, 3 replies)

I co-authored a study into the effects of street dancing on the politics of an individual, and found that it tends to make people more right wing.
Breaking ups Tories.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 13:36, 1 reply)

I fell in love with this girl who shared my interest in a famous explorer, and eventually married her.
We lived together for years but then she got ill and died.

Oh, BREAKING up stories? Sorry.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 12:57, Reply)

I was diagnosed with an inoperable cancer and so decided that the best way to make sure my family were provided for was to enter the super-violent world of methamphetamine manufacture and sale.
This led to an inevitable decline in my character the point where I was a murderous sociopath making increasingly violent responses to challenges to me.


Oh, breaking UP stories? Sorry.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 12:50, 2 replies)

My right hand caught me cheating with my left hand
Worse, it had a rubber glove on at the time, and was covered in taramasalata.

Now THAT was a messy break-up.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:56, 9 replies)

Broke it off in a ginger bird....
damn those cloacas are tight :(
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)

I broke up with all my sockpuppet accounts. They refused to vote for my question of the week
entry and it all became quite acrimonious.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:55, 4 replies)

Alderaan.
Star Wars.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Bappage reminds me.
The end of the relationship came as she concluded our last screaming argument with "Oh my GOD! You're just! So! Fucking! MALE! ARRRRGH!"

I figured saying "Thank you" probably wouldn't be a wise move just at that particular point.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:14, 1 reply)