longwinded post is longwinded
I used to work at Bakers Delight when I was fifteen, and occasionally brought scones to school. Now, my friends hung out in a computer room, we weren't allowed to eat in the computer rooms, so I was joking about the clandestine manner in which I was distributing them - like people were gonna be coming up to me in dark alleyways and going "pssst... got any... *shifty eyes* ...scones?" And the police would tape the conversation and go "hmmm... 'scones' must be a codeword for... CRACK!!"

At this point my friend Nicky burst out laughing and sprayed crumbs everywhere. "I'll never be able to look at a scone seriously again! ...not that I did in the first place. But, you know."

All this is a prelude to me on the bus home, telling my bus friends about that conversation, and Jenny, a girl in the grade below us,
asked "Wait, what's crack again?"

I said "Cocaine, don't you listen in PD?" (which some of you may know as Health class or similar)

The following hilarious middle-class-teenage-girl conversation ensued:

"No, who the hell listens in PD? So what's pot then?"
"Marijuana. Cannabis. It's a plant."
"Right, so crack is nicotine?"
"...no."
"No, that's not, I mean, right. So pot is tobacco-"
"LOOK, OKAY!"
"Argh, wait no, what?"
"Tobacco is nicotine. Nicotine is tobacco. Pot is marijuana/cannabis, which is a plant. Crack is cocaine, which is... I don't actualy know what it's made of."

And at this point... the bus driver chimed in. "It's a white powder made of ground up leaves of the coca plant," he said. "It's used to [bit I wasn't listening to cos I wasn't entirely sure he was talking to us. How often does your bus driver spontaneously lecture you about the medicinal properties of recreational drugs?] Lots of ancient cultures and things used it."

Us: Uh... thanks?
Me: Wait, coca plant? Like chocolate?
Jenny: I don't think so.
Bus Driver: No, but it's in the same family.
Us: Okay. That's... nice?

Thanks, druggie bus driver.
(Lieutenant Colonel Oblivious brought to you by intravenous sugar, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 16:36, Reply)