Not funny...but useful..
Having trouble getting through to someone on an 0845 / 0870 number (these are known as non-geographical numbers in the trade)?

Go to www.saynoto0870.com and get the 'geographical' number. When you call the genuine number you'll still be presented with all the 'press one for...' bullshit. To bypass this and really piss the company off - simply change one or two of the digits at the end of the geographical number. This will undoubtedly connect you with someone's DDI (direct dial number)...anyone from the MD to the cleaning department. Keep experimenting until you find someone useful.

Adopting this approach with Carphone Warehouse (non-geo number: 0208 896 5000 - I hit the jackpot on 0208 896 5080), giving me direct access to a senior manager, who's immediate response was, 'how the hell did you get this number?' - to which I replied, 'my complaint was escalated to your department and I was transferred to speak to you.'

My £85 refund cheque arrived in three days time and my contract with Carphone Whorehouse was cancelled with immediate effect. Result.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 10:20, 21 replies)

That is the actual number?
For a senior manager at Craphone Whorehouse? I bloody love you!
(Puddle of Sugar was still wallpapering on, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 10:46, closed)

Now this
is good advice.

I've used www.saynoto0870.com before, but never thought of changing the numbers a bit. Genius!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 11:13, closed)

All I ever get is
"we cannot discuss the matter on this number as the call is not being recorded, goodbye" and a dial tone.
( Batsgirl, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 11:18, closed)

Depends on the company concerned...
I also used this system to get a parking ticket cancelled at Camden Council. Make sure you take the full name and department of whoever you get through to...then use those details when making future calls...it causes havoc internally at these huge corporations! It also works especially well at Government departments...Parliament is particularily fun to play with. (always remember to '141' your number)

Most companies will have a prefix e.g. 0207 900 1*** - if its a large organisation, then they'll probably have internal numbers ranging from 0207 900 1000 to 0207 900 1999 or more.

I've been trying to get Branson on Virgin's geo number for weeks. Alas no joy.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 11:51, closed)

it....
...also works the other way - when I was headhunting I used to go through the whole series of numbers starting of low then hitting randoms before coming back down again. getting through to someone and asking to be put through to the post room is always a great fount of information, as the guys there couldn't give a rats arse and will happily tell you who is who if you're polite and say mate alot.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:00, closed)

I think you mean
020 7900 1***

/pedant
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:04, closed)

No I don't...
If you're a genuine Londoner then it's 0207 or 0208, always has and always will be (until they change them again). Anyone who says '020 (pause) 7*** ****' is a fool. A fool I tell you.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 12:10, closed)

Er, no...
See this page:

020 area code on Wikipedia
(har mar supermarket, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:05, closed)

You don't get it..
its not about whatever the official line is, if you're a genuine Londoner, then you'll have been brought up on 01 *** ****, then 081 / 071 *** ****, then 0181 / 0171 *** **** and finally 0207 / 0208 - London numbers are 7 digits, broken down into batches of 3 then four respectively.

Its about the rythym and the alleteration of how you say the number...0207 635 4184...anything else is quite frankly wrong. Whatever your wikipedia says.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:22, closed)

Except...
Since 22 April 2000, London numbers have been 8 digits long.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:41, closed)

Genuine Londoner speaking
And it's 020 7*******

As well as the wikipedia page above, there's proof in the fact that if you're in London, and calling another London number, you can drop the 020 but you can't drop the 7 or 8.
Oh, and there's some official proof here - www.ofcom.org.uk/consumer/2009/08/phone-numbers/#video

In terms of calling Parliament, since it was mentioned above and since I've worked there, you'll find the switchboard very helpful and most importantly very human. Call them rather than the Commons Information Office line if you know the name of the person you want to contact. Their number isn't a secret:
www.parliament.uk/directories/directories31.cfm
(annexed, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:23, closed)

You do it your way...
and I'll do it my way. This is by far the most inane argument I've ever won.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:25, closed)

For very small values of "won"
That is.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:35, closed)

You're wrong there
If you are in an 0208 area, like me, you can phone other numbers without the 0208 and get through, which I have done.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 15:47, closed)

I call bullshit
Are you claiming you can make local calls by only dialling seven digits?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 23:55, closed)

Our mileage must vary
In my eyes, anybody who writes 0207 xxx xxxx is a fool, and if it's a business, my usual thought is that they're clearly not bothered about attention to detail.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 13:44, closed)

Why?
Which ever way you dial it...you'll still connect to the person you called. Its about how you say it. And I'm right.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 16:43, closed)

Whichever way you dial it?
The bit before the first space is the STD code. You don't need to dial it if it's the same as yours. If your number is 020 7890 1234 and you want to dial 020 3456 7890, you can dial either 3456 7890 or 020 3456 7890.

If you think your number is 0208 901 2345 and you think your friend's is 0208 765 4321, ringing 765 4321 isn't going to get you very far.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 23:48, closed)

Deja vu...
Haven't we all been here before with the dialling prefix codes?
( snee held his breath since, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 8:54, closed)

Yes,
Yes we have. Although I think last time I only came across the argument after the QOTW had closed, so at least I had my say this time.

For what little good that has done, of course...
(annexed, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:26, closed)

you blighters
I'll never get those 3 minutes back.
FYI I'm a 0208 *** **** er
those 020 8*** ****ers are all mad...mad I tell thee.
( bane, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 16:33, closed)