How to call call centres:
Howaya,

1 - Greeting

I have to greet you - you simply should greet me as this is how adults communicate. Please do

not begin the conversation with account numbers, serial numbers, a tirade of issues, your ire

at the last clown you spoke to or the amount of telephone numbers you have already called to

no avail. All of this can be discussed in due course.


2 - The issue/the problem/the matter at hand

Spare me the details of the preceding events leading up to this moment. They can also be

discussed in due course. Please get to the point quickly, have the relevant information to

hand such as account numbers, serial numbers etc and put some thought into exactly why you are

calling me.


3 - Procedure

I am bound by procedure. If I am asking you to send me a fax, email, call another number, wait

24 hours, call me back the details of your account, device, product etc, it is because I have

to. The people who pay me at the end of every month assure me this is for your own

security/protection.

If you wish to escalate, please do. Generally, there are armies of middle-management zealots around all too keen to spin you a line, promise you the world, lie through their teeth, kiss your arse and get a sum total of NOTHING done. Enjoy!


4 - Questions

Listen to the questions I am asking you and answer them only. I know what I am doing and will

ask you for the rest when I need it. I am a desk jockey tied to a phone and a computer which

dictates when it needs to be fed each course. Don't blame me. Blame Bill Gates.


5 - Patience

There are Byzantine levels of bureaucracy put in place to make this as difficult for you as

possible. I didn't put them there. I'm just trying to earn a crust here. If I had any ambition

or desire for autonomy, surely I wouldn't be working here?


However, I do have the tools to solve your problem.

All I require from you is a modicum of courtesy and competence.

thanks
rafter
baz


*awaits tirade of contradiction or total ambivalence*
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:05, 3 replies)

.
I've been on hold for TEN MINUTES...
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:36, closed)

Can't see anything
too many linebreaks....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:40, closed)

No ambivalence here
Have a *click* instead!
(5150, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 14:03, closed)