The greatest entertainer of all time
MR ROLF HARRIS.

Shit I can't believe I nearly forgot this one.

When I was a little fella of about 7, I, with a bunch of young mates saw Rolf Harris in the General Store on Rottenest Island, just off the coast from Perth.

Now many of you may not know (probably because you are in such awe of his true entertaining genius) that before being famous Rolf used to be a camera man for a Perth television station in the early days of Australian TV. I know this because my mum was an amateur actor who appeared several times on TV in Perth in it's early days and none other than the Big R Harris was the camera man.

Anyway, I felt that it was my duty to rush up to Rolfy boy with half a dozen 7 year olds in tow and tell him that he knew my mum. I could tell he wasn't really that interested when he replied at full volume (to children mind you)

"OH fuck off you little cunts, I am trying to have a quiet weekend with my family!" - I swear it is true.

I was horrified, I was mortified, I was angry. How dare this legend of the didgeridoo, the wobble board, kangaroo molesting and three legged pedophiles who KNEW MY MUM, be so rude to me.

Now for those who are not familiar with Rottenest Island, there are no cars, the only transport is push bikes or walking. My mates and I decided that the only real course of action was to follow old Rolf home with his shopping and stand across the street from his holiday cabin and shout intelligent abuse at him such as "Hey Rolf you are a stinky poo bum" and lob sand bombs onto his roof.

And do you know what the bearded fucker did?

He called the fucking cops................ on 7 year olds.

I must admit the young constable did look a little bemused when he arrived to this hardened gang of criminal 7 year olds, and clearly fearing for his safety decided not to enact an arrest but, suggested,

"I know Mr Harris can be a bit of cranky old man but, you have had your fun now, so its time to leave him in peace".

Which we did, and begged the cop to give us a ride in his paddy wagon, which he didn't.

THE CUNT!
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 4:52, 4 replies)

I live in Maidenhead
where he has a house and have seen him before - he truly is a horrible, rude man. Although I'm not sure if he just hates children as many of the businesses in the area have pictures he's drawn for them.
(deadly_sinners, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 9:35, closed)

I used to live in Rolf's daughter's house
By that, I mean she was my landlady.

But she had an art studio in the basement.

And Rolf came round to look at her work.

We were too scared to meet him.

So we hid in our kitchen when he came round and peered through the crack in the door.

Nice beard though.
( mrlogic is copying your beard, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 10:00, closed)

Probably the smartest course of action
he would just have abused you roundly.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 13:54, closed)

He did grow up in Bassendean
Which probably explains the delightful diatribe.
(lozza_c, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 13:02, closed)