Ok you'll probably all think I'm a loser cause I know this but ....
The Cistercians (monks) of Vaux-de-Cernay inscribed this anathema in their library to discourage theft.

"If anyone attempts to carry away one of these books by theft, by fraud, or in any other manner, let his name be struck from the book of the living, that he not be inscribed with the just, but instead, be delivered to the fire of hell, to be tormented endlessly."

I wonder if it suceeded in discorageing people?
(rattus, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 10:14, Reply)

Scrabble
I don't know why, but I always feel the need to cheat on the wife when playing scrabble.

5+ years, and she still hasn't noticed my none-to-subtle tile-picking.


Maybe she doesn't want to know the truth. I'm crap at board games, and the marriage is a sham.


.
(Flappers, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 9:55, Reply)

Don't know if its relevant - you decide.
Been with my girlfriend for 11 years now.... A while ago she asked how many partners I had been with (cos we had reached that honesty stage).... Cue to me going...

Er...1....2.3....4,...er 5...6...you....8,errr 9...

She was not amused.
(knuks Lurking for 12+ years, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 9:41, Reply)

Not so much cheating.....
but more adjusting really.
At secondary school, we had to run 800m and clock our own time and pencil it in on the board. I just took oooh, about a minute off my time so that I would get into the 'excellent time' bracket.

I remember a lad at primary school was peering over someones work so much that he even copied her name down. Yes Mark Burston it was you!
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 18 Nov 2005, 7:54, Reply)

Chavs do computer programming
August this year. Due to being exempt from the last set of exams at uni (hospital episode) I had to sit my first set in the resit period.

I'm about to sit Programming 1. Next to me are two guys sitting Introductory Programming 1. I'm positioned on the furthest right of the hall, the next row being a supervisor on some kinda podium so they can see everyone.

Standard exam rules apply, so you're meant to bring your own stationery and everything else is provided.

Now heres the strange bit.
The two lads beside me, clad in full bling-bling gear (sports gear and medallions), both had their bling-bling phones on the desk! They even proceeded to text each other in the first few minutes of the exam.
Not only that, both of them had their textbooks on the floor by their feet and all of their notes!

Even better, they leaned over to my desk and started copying my answers even though they were doing a different paper... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

While debating whether to push my paper nearer so they could see my answers clearer (I'm still a little evil, but not a grass), one of them puts a hand up. Thank god, I think, thinking that they will be spotted and have their textbooks and phones taken away at the least, and have their exam and all others disqualified at the most.

Supervisor leans over "yes?"
Guy one: "er.. can I borrow a pencil from my mate behind me?"
Supervisor: "er, of course" and dutifully hands the pencil from the guy behind him.

The cheek!


Note: When I looked up my results, I did take note of their surnames ( I could see their paper too ) to have a peek. Two very low G grades. Which makes you wonder - how the hell can you fail even with all your notes to hand?
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 7:24, Reply)

wednesday
on wednesday i had a major german exam. truth be told im shit at german. i managed to hide about 15 little slips of notes inside my dictionary.

simple but the fact that i got away with it with the teachers prowling around suprises me more
( faultykyle, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 6:46, Reply)

I have never cheated!!
But then again I have just cheated my employer of my valuble time by spending the last 1/2 hour reading everyone elses posts.

So maybe I have after all.
(Gordon Shumway, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 5:04, Reply)

Writing on yourself
I discovered the art of writing the answers for exams on your palms around the tender age of 13. From there I moved up to writing answers under my sleeves, and when I ran out of room there, I began writing on my stomach.

I got my highest grades that year. Not because I cheated--no, I pretty well never checked the answers I'd written on my skin--I knew all the content innately when I sat down at the test. Perhaps the act of writing down everything I needed to know helped me memorise it. In later years I would just get a scrap piece of paper and write down everything I needed to memorise, rather than using my body. It didn't work as well. Could I have learnt through osmosis, as the ink dissolves into my skin? I don't know, but I believe this is the most logical answer.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 3:29, Reply)

Pub Quiz
When txting first came about, was limited to 50, 60 and 70 pop music trivia, due to being in contact with my Dad.

Didn't win but surprised people with our music knowledge, being a group of teenagers.
( BindiBaji, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 3:20, Reply)

Banjo-Twooie
Yes it's sad.

Before I got my new computer (with internet!) and later moved to a place with TV reception my only form of entertainment was my roommates' N64. Naturally, the first thing I did was go online and look for cheats (to a 5-year-old game on an obsolete system) to make me invincable or at least impervious to falling. I did try to play one whole game without cheating, but it didn't last.

Looking back on my last several posts, I do belive there's a rather toasty place in my future....
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 2:13, Reply)

Forgery
Throughout my elemetary-to-high school academic career I have forged a parent's signature on several occasions and got caught. This was made easier because we all have the same initials (AT).

Usually it was for bad progress reports (they came in March, which was just a big anxiety fest and to this day March is a bad month for me) and for failed assignments and tests. Even stupid things like drug prevention homeworks that weren't even graded! Apparently I have a "thing" about showing my parents anything from school for fear of getting "bollocked," as they say here...

The final time I got caught I was banned from TV for the rest of the semester (horrors!). Fortunately I arrived home several hours before either of my parents did so it wasn't too bad, although I still have the fear of getting yelled at by my parents.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 1:54, Reply)

I cheated at russian roulette.
All of them were loaded!
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 1:46, Reply)

IDCLIP
Walls, fear my wrath for no longer am I bound by you!! Muwahahahaha

I suppose really I cheat all the time. I cheat my way to a bigger pay cheque by consistantly lying on my time sheets.
I cheated my way through gcse biology (thank god for essaybank.com :D)

I cheat at monopoly, cards, cluedo, computer games and not to mention cheating on girl freinds.

Also GCSE p.e. We had a supply teacher for a while cos our original teacher was on maternity leave. Anywho, cos i was sat next to the one smart guy in the class (he ended up with 12 A*s - cunthole) the supply teacher assumed i was smart aswell. Bearing in mind this teacher was thick as, he'd set the class an essay type question then ask me and the smart guy what our answer was, and use that as the right answer to mark everyone else. Never got anything wrong in that class.

Sorry, not enough awakeness, too murch work and too much of the herb the pixies make
(Duff_the_Funky_Chicken, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 1:40, Reply)

$1(00) chips
In the 8th grade went to a casino-themed birthday party for a girl I barely knew (she'd invited my whole girl scout troop). At the end of the night we would exchange our chips for raffle tickets for prizes of gift baskets of quite nice shirts, wallets, etc. (her mom worked for Hawaii-based clothing co.)

The only two games I know are blackjack and roulette. After a while I noticed that there were $1 chips at the roulette table, but not at the blackjack table. Out of curiosity I played the $1 I'd won at roulette at blackjack to see what the dealer would do. To my surprise he appeared to be completely at a loss and wound up giving me my $1 winnings in $100 chips (the only chips with a 1 on them, apparently)! Naturally, I kept playing my $1 chips.... By the end of the night I had just about the most prize money, ergo the most raffle tickets...

I won two nice gift baskets (two tank tops, two wallets, and two small purses) and I still use the wallet I won to this very day.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 1:38, Reply)

Science projects with my Dad
I got my dad to build all of my take-home science projects in high school: a giant gold atom model (I got points off because the electrons and protons had to be different colors and I used all gold beads) with a huge black "diorama" thing to house it that was so big it didn't fit in the car; a simple copper wire and magnet motor and a small boat that ran on said motor. The teacher kept the boat!

I'd feel more guilty if not for the fact that my dad seemed to enjoy making these things.

Oh, and for the "Egg Baby" project my mom whipped up a cozy basket for my "baby", who still got crushed after it rolled out of the basket.
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 1:23, Reply)

Simple School Cheating Tactic
Get up to use the pencil sharpener, and slyly glance at the peron's answers who sits right by it. Bookish types ALWAYS sit by the pencil sharpener. Except if it's by the door, then don't bother.
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 0:33, Reply)

English for Science Majors
A college friend once offered a steak dinner if I took an exam for him. It wasn't a regular class exam, but one administered by the college, to see how well science majors expressed themselves in English. I thought it was a stupid exam, and I liked the guy, so I agreed. Afterwards, I got the steak dinner, but he was ashamed to be around me, and skulked out of sight at every opportunity. Made me feel like Saturday evening's whore, who stayed over for breakfast on Sunday morning with the wife and the kids.

Beware of inarticulate science majors.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 0:25, Reply)

I'm more of a helper
During GCSEs/A-levels, I perfected mimes to help friends who were in a bit of a rut. My favourite was during the Literature exam when I re-enacted the major parts of Hamlet in a silent routine to spark a classmate's memory.

Also, I used to work for a company who ran competitions and such for major newspapers, tv shows, etc. One of their clients was Magic FM, who have the 'Mystery Voices' quiz. The prize money got up to £54,000 and I was in possession of the answers. I was desperate to tell a friend of mine, who diligently listened to the slot everyday, that the final voice to be identified was David Hasselhoff, but I managed to refrain.
( Fictional Emma, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 23:52, Reply)

Why does everyone cheat at science...
Never did my physics coursework at GCSE, just told my messy b'stard of a physics teacher that he'd lost my work on his desk. Did this three times on the trot, even getting one of my mates to lie that he'd seen me put it on his desk (ahem) one lunchtime. In the end just did the introduction and was given an averaged out grade from that.

Then did exactly the seem for the latter half of my biology coursework. Good indication of my laziness was the fact that it was all of course done in groups, so all the hard work was done. My defence is that it all roughly coincided with the last series of 'California Dreams' on Trouble and I had other priorities.

Also still have an ace of spades hidden in my sleeve from 1986.
(The Daft Apeth, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 23:51, Reply)

On
spying the Chavs loitering outside the Station, I Muttered "IDDQD" to myself in a quiet voice.

Needless to say, I Still got the crap kicked out of me
( Donkey Rhubarb, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 23:39, Reply)

I'm afraid I've never played an honest game of cheat.

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 23:24, Reply)

When I did my science exams
I copied every formula ever and shrunk it down onto a microdot and hid it within the letter "i" on my Bic Biro. Then I'd look throught he other side and the big-manification through the plastic would give me all I needed.

Can we end the "copied-formulae-onto-ruler-and-snuck-it-in" stuff??!!

But am liking this QOTW
( Dabooka_ has changed his name on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 22:43, Reply)

My father taught me and my sister that "If you can't win by fair means, cheat by all means"
A message she truely took to heart.
(Orkran Mild Euphoria Ensues, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 22:36, Reply)

The Nice People at Burger King
Sister ALWAYS presses the things on the tops of the drinks and says the people at burger king did. Cheating the BurgerKing people out of the respect they deserve. When I point this out to her she gets in a huge stress and then realises she has lost, changes tack and goes with "its only a lid"

bah
(The Better Tim! Free of them STDs since, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 22:09, Reply)

Remember this one?
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start.

I STILL try that on almost every game i get, just to see if it works.
(busterbeckett BUSTER BECKETT - saved by the buoyancy of citrus, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 21:24, Reply)

I haven't actually cheated yet...
but I fully intend to question those in my circle of friends who went to see Trivium perform in Eindhoven on the 5th of October and write about it for CKV (cultural arty class thing) and hand it in. See, for CKV we're required to visit cultural events and write about them... you're also kind of supposed to provide proof that you've actually been there, but I'll just pretend to have lost my ticket and my utter softie of a teacher'll buy it.

Yeah, I suck. I cheat at computer games (but less and less frequently. I can now finish the two latest Hitman games and both Max Payne games without cheating; GTA3, however, still remains more fun with all the badass weaponry. I'm working on StarCraft & Brood War, but WarCraft III is too much fun with an immortal one-hit-kill Hero), but not at board games 'cause that sucks.

So yeah.
(CK is rocking out near you (cosmologically speaking), Thu 17 Nov 2005, 21:17, Reply)

I learned my lesson.
I've only tried to cheat once. It was a test in health about 3 years ago and I had written a certain word I could never remember on my arm. The teacher saw. She picked up my paper, ripped it into pieces and sprinkled them all over my desk. I failed the test. And cried.
The same cow also taught me PE in the same class period. When I actually passed the two-mile run test for the first time out of about 4, I was accused of cutting through to the other side of the track when she wasn't looking. I honestly wasn't. I didn't get the grade.
I ended up with a final grade of 93% in the health portion, and a 14% in the physical portion, averaging out to a wonderful, failing, 54%. So as far as I can help it I'll never cheat or exceed my expectations again! Hurrah!
( trintrin has jam for blood, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 21:06, Reply)

*Cough* *Cough*
I once got onto this tv show and I actually won the grand prize of £1,000,000!!!!!!

Apparantly there was this guy with a cold in the crowd that coughed every time I chose an answer! Coincidence if you ask me!

Then there was this big public trial and everything was completely blown out of proportion.
( Regger, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 19:57, Reply)

Elvis Pig Farmer you cheeky monkey
that's from BOFH. right?

Anyway, in my gcse german thingy, where you have to write a kind of essay thing, I was lucky enough to be given a desktop computer, networked, in an unobserved room instead of my usual deacon-computer for my dyspraxia.

That was clever, several visits to various german dictionaries, babelfish and my original draft (that I wasn't supposed to copy from) later, and I have a pretty decent essay. Score.
(Slyph, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 19:31, Reply)