one of my friends, who is terribly posh herself, has a group of terribly posh friends
i go out with them occasionally. they are nice girls, but it's like being in the middle of "made in chelsea" (literally, as she lives on one of the streets where they film it, not that i've ever seen it). they sit around places like amuse bouche in fulham, and bray about how men need to buy all the fucking drinks, and it better be fucking good fizz, because they're fucking rich.

going out for dinner with them is hilarious, because they don't eat. not a mouthful. the fondue goes cold, the mountain of potatoes and bread sits forlornly on the table, as they toy with one piece of vegetable. but boy, do the wine bottles mount up and up. mostly i just laugh with/at them, but occasionally i can't resist tweaking one. last time we went out, i turned to felicity (or fliss, as she calls herself), and said, "oooh, we've got the same coat." i knew full well that mine was an £80 m&s fake, whereas hers was probably inherited from her great grandmother. sure enough, she winced palpably, and then said painfully,

"oh yah. but i think the difference will be noticeable when we step outside. real fur does so much better in the rain."

serves her right, she was so bloody rude to the coat-girl about her manky bit of mink skin, i hope she enjoyed hearing that it looked like an m&s knock-off.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 18:37, 20 replies)

Even I can tell the difference between a mink and an orlon

(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 18:56, closed)

I
can't tell the difference between a mink and a Vorlon.
(squigbobble existed, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 9:18, closed)

tl;dr - "rich girls treat me as a pet"

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 18:57, closed)

i don't think they'd want you
they only want rich, successful men.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:08, closed)

I've bumfucked the daughter of an earl under his carefully trimmed yew hedge
Posh girls like a bit of rough.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:11, closed)

You nonced the aristocracy during operation yewtree?
Points for audacity!
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:37, closed)

what a nasty euphemism for his balls

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:57, closed)

So she's a member of the 'arristocracy?

no need to book, I'm here all week
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 20:57, closed)

Try the veal.
And by veal I mean anus.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 21:01, closed)

Isn't eating anus cannibalism for you Shambo?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 13:57, closed)

Mmm, drunk anorexic snobs

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:29, closed)

^class envy

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:45, closed)

^ class clown ^
but not the good kind. the shit crying kind that shits and cries.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 19:57, closed)

Please rewrite this in a northern accent.
We ent a clue what tha's bangin on about up 'ere lass.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 24 Mar 2014, 21:44, closed)

a mink is like a ferret that's rubbish at ferreting so they skin it

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 21:47, closed)

So a bit like a hairy, dead whippet then?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 24 Mar 2014, 22:01, closed)

one that's been lovingly washed in a point of mild

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 24 Mar 2014, 23:03, closed)

Now you've gone Oirish.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 25 Mar 2014, 8:18, closed)

the oirish drink stout
on account of them all wishing they were actually cockneys.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 25 Mar 2014, 8:53, closed)

Oi don't care, Oi don't care.
Oi don't care if he comes round 'ere.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 25 Mar 2014, 13:33, closed)