Spag Bollocks
This is neither acting down nor up but when I was about eighteen I trained as a croupier in a Manchester casino. As is standard in such establishments, there was a restaurant on site and our staff meals were cooked by the chef. During my first day, I was given a meal break, went to the staff room and responded enthusiastically on being told there was spaghetti bolognaise on todays menu. Except that it never crossed my mind that it wouldn't be Heinz' finest out of a tin. Mr council house kid from the wild suburbs of Wythenshawe had never even seen spaghetti as long as that, let alone ever eaten it. I had no idea what to do with it and was far too embarrassed to let on so just sat there and stared at it for half an hour, picking bits of meat out with a fork. Fucking starving when I got out - straight to the chippy for pie and chips. Always been a class act, me.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 0:28, 8 replies)

Try
surreptitiously cutting it with a fork. If anyone then scoffs at your inability to eat elongated pasta properly, start crying and tell them you can't read.
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 7:49, closed)

You didn't miss out on anything.
Spaghetti bolognese is crap anyway.
(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 8:34, closed)

Did they tell you that spaghetti grows on trees?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 8:54, closed)

So you're too thick to eat food?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:06, closed)

you appear to have accidentally posted a vaguely pertinent story
you terrible troll
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 9:25, closed)

Open face.
Shovel matter.
Close face.
Masticate.
Swallow.
Belch (optional).
Repeat until full or no matter remains.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:06, closed)

You are aware that matter is the oopnorth word for puss?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 27 Mar 2014, 11:50, closed)

Open face.
Micturate.
Close face.
Swallow.
Belch (optional).
Repeat on internet ad nauseam.
(mustardtiger108, Thu 27 Mar 2014, 12:06, closed)