Music's "next big thing"
Let me explain.

Every so often, whilst listening to ANY current radio station (they are all a bunch of badgerfuckers, so I shall not single anyone out in particular) will harp on about the next boy/girl/band/goat as being the "next big thing." And every motherfucking time, we fall for it. Oh yes we do. We go out like the bunch of lobotomised spacktards that we are and jizz our money against the wall.

And the worst bit?

They are shit. All of them. They really fucking are.

Arctic Monkies? Ah yes, a bunch of retard scallies from the rough end of t'pit country, or so they claim who sing out of tune in a quasi-Yorkshire accent, but nooo...because they are singing about prostitutes and people being ugly, they are "edgy." (That, by the way, is another word that would be banned under the Carrot Superstate).

Amy Winehouse? I mean really. Come the fuck on here people. She was NEVER any fucking good. She sang like a man and the only reason anyone bought her absolute fucking dross is because she had hair like a beehive and did more smack than a nursery in Nazi Germany. And whilst I'm on the point....

....Pete fucking Docherty in whatever incarnation of shite he is in at the moment. Yes Pete, we get it. You take fucking drugs. Whoop de fucking doo. Have a medal. It still can't make you sing.

And finally, Susan Boyle. Quite frankly I'm furious about this anyway. She's clearly several sperm short of an orgasm, but even so she gets touted around as "having the voice of an aaaaaaaaaaaaangel" OK, the biffer can sing, and she does a reasonable job of it (fuck knows, better than me) but by the sweet clopper of the Blessed Virgin Mary, she's not the best in the world. It's just because she's mental mental chicken oriental and has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle, then she's some kind of fuck ugly musical Goddess.

It boils my fucking piss that some extremely good bands out there have failed to get anywhere in the charts because they don't hit some fucking cunt of an advertising executive's demographic. Oh, and Bill Hicks was right...
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 15 Oct 2009, 20:04, 9 replies)

Clubbing
I just don't see the appeal, it's too loud to talk to anyone, too crowded to dance properly, and the drinks are crap and expensive (no, I do not want a vodka and red bull, give me a pint of decent cider, no, strongbow doesn't count).
I much prefer a decent pub, if there is music it should be at just the right level to mask the other conversations in the room, but still hear your own clearly (only ever found 2 places that could do this successfully), and it should definitely not be that tosh that the youth of today call "dance" music which sounds like an epileptic having a fit in a keyboard factory.

I realise this is a totally normal attitude for an adult to have, and has probably already bindun in this QOTW, unfortunately I'm a 19 year old student, so this somewhat divides me from my friends (the ones who agree with me are too lazy to walk the 15 minutes to the nearest pub from my college). However medically I'm pretty much an old man (clotting disorders and arthritis), so I may as well act as one.

Also, this QOTW, yes, I'll agree it's good to post on (spleens need regular venting to prevent explosion), but it's not all that entertaining to read.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Thu 15 Oct 2009, 20:01, 3 replies)

"LOLCATZ"
What the fuck is that all about. I've seen it described as a phenonomenononnonmemen.

Is there anything to it other than pictures and captions in funny words?

What? I dont get it. Therefore I fear and hate it.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:58, 5 replies)

Derran Brown
Needs to get a proper fucking job. I hate magicians but I especially hate that smarmy git.
(DryGoldfish, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:55, 1 reply)

playing music as loud as possible on a mobile phone
Am I the only one who doesn't get this?

Why is it always some chav little shit that has their techno/chipmonk sounding shit so loud on the speaker, that the sound is beyond distorted??

At least when the old ghetto-blasters were the in thing, (and their 8AA batteries), no-one was playing this alvin and the chipmonks shite.

Reminds me of a time I was in new york, and his homeless guy setup the biggest ghetto-blaster I've ever seen on the pavement, and fired-up james brown and started giving it all the moves.. now that's class!
(sarcasmo needs more sleep, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:53, 3 replies)

Telephones
No, I don't want to talk to you. Who are you anyway? No, I don't want to give you any money. No, I don't care about how your day is. Why do feel you can call, and that I should answer, any damned time you feel like it? And why am I being charged for this privilege?
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:51, Reply)

Orgasms!
They're nice don't get me wrong, but all the stuff that comes, (no pun intended), before the orgasms is fantastic. Orgasms only last a very short time but foreplay and fucking can last for ages and feels sooooo good.

Everyone is obsessed with orgasms and trying to have multiple orgasms or g-spot orgasms. Forget about the destination and enjoy the ride.

Plus I can never get to sleep after an orgasm, which is annoying.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:44, 8 replies)

Oh, and Chris Moyles
Fuck off you fat cunt.

(My boss fucking loves him, tunes the radio to Radio 1 every twatting morning...)
(DigitalRaven will have to make do with gin, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:39, 3 replies)

Dr Who
Terrible graphics, chavvy women screeching at the Dr, recycled storylines and did I mention that fucking awful TERRIBLE PLAYSTATION ONE GRAPHICS????

The ex used to love it, obsess over it, cry over it. NEVER Will I watch an episode of that drivel ever again! Maybe that's why we split up.
(trippeh, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:37, 1 reply)

Money
Seriously, what's the point? I do things that I do not want to do for eight hours a day, pay for the privilege of travelling to and from the location where I do these things, and what's the result? Some numbers increment in a computer that I don't own and that's tied to me only via a relationship of other numbers. These numbers then decrease in order to secure a roof over my head and enough sustenance that I don't die. Any excess numbers can be reduced an arbitrary amount in exchange for shit that isn't necessary for existence and that's available for free either on the internet or in a library.

Lots of people--almost everyone--wants to get more money, but I fucking hate it.

We are an infinitely creative species. Every single one of us has the power of a young god. When we focus, we can achieve anything. We have escaped the gravity well of our own planet. We have split the atom and created works of art so beautiful that strong men and women are reduced to tears.

And yet we squander all this potential, throwing our lives away in pursuit of incrementing abstract numbers that have no direct relevance to our own happiness. We could feed, clothe, and house every human being on the planet, forever, if we just got rid of the inequalities created by this toxin, this fucking cancer at the heart of our society. And yet we do not.

You're all going to disagree with me now, blame the inequality on something other than money. But that's the root cause, that's the man running the amusement park ride that we're all trapped on*: Money.

I'd apologise for length, but I'm not getting paid for writing it and you're not getting paid to read it.

* With apologies to Bill Hicks
(DigitalRaven will have to make do with gin, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:35, 13 replies)

That "single ladies" video
I don't care what Kanye West says*, it's a giant pile of shit. She just wobbles about like an 8-year-old in her mum's high heels. The song is just a repetitive squeal too - the whole package makes me grind my teeth with suppressed rage.

*Actually I just don't care what Kanye West says.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:33, 2 replies)

The Daily Mail
Hating women, asylum seekers, gays, chavs, celebrities, asylm seekers, politicians, asylum seekers, people who look like they might be asylum seekers, people who might be drunk, people who want to take away your right to drink, ID cards, crime, police who use violence, police who don't use violence, asylum seekers... How have their writing staff managed to avoid dying of a spluttering apopletic fit by now? Where do they find the energy for that much hate? I'm constantly amazed that people think of it as a morning paper; I'm already dreading work, give yourself a break and read a fucking book.

Oh, and I don't get Gwen Stefani. Hollaback Girl was fucking horrible.
(That's Just Not Funny, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:22, 6 replies)

Sex
I know I am going to get shot down in flames here. I expect lots of people to say 'you are doing it wrong then'.

But really, it's nice and that but it really doesn't top my list of things to do.

I think it might be because I had all the sex when I was younger and it's rather lost it's appeal now.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:14, 5 replies)

eastenders
i hate it. i hate all soaps, but eastenders really pisses on my chips. how the fuck can such an utterly shit and depressing piece of mind-rot be so popular? also, why do people insist on telling me about it?
"did you see eastenders last night?"
"no, i don't watch soaps"
"oh. well, x got caught having an affair with y, now z knows the baby x is having is y's, not his, and..."
"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! STOP TELLING ME! I DON'T WATCH IT!"
"well, there's no need to be like that, i just thought you might want to know."
for the record, the ONLY time i EVER want to know ANYTHING about eastenders is if a very large bomb goes off, destroying the whole area and killing every single character, effectively ending this godawful joy-cancer of a show.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:14, 7 replies)

TV listings & Soaps
I really dont like Soaps, and rarely bother with TV listing mags (I have Sky) but when browsing the magazine racks the cover is always plastered with whats happening in the soaps; why not just watch the fucking programm so it's a suprpise???
(kitescreech still here, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:13, 2 replies)

Madonna
And come to that Kylie.

I may have to become heterosexual.
( thirsty a rare visitor these days, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:11, 3 replies)

YAY List time
X Factor
GMTV
Tabloids
Daily Mail (this gets it's own spot as I can never work out if it's a tabloid or not but only because of its content)
ALL SOAPS - THEY MUST DIE, it's absolutely dire when I go to my mums and my sisters are having a full on excited conversation like they know the people from the soaps and they are involved in their lives
Lambrini
People who drink Lambrini and say they're having a glass of wine.
Strictly come dancing
Golden Balls & Deal or no Deal people RAVE about these shows - it's a game of fucking chance you idiots with no skill or brains involved.
People who just have to go out every weekend on a bender and say they can't wait to get trashed.

I've just finished my dinner so I'm not in the mood for thinking about things everyone else likes and I get worked up over until it's settled.

Sorry one last one and it's the biggest one.

LOOSE WOMEN - I cannot understand how this show is so popular, how it's been on air for so long I don't know, I cannot see the appeal of watching 5 old hags sat round a table dropping innuendos left right and centre and drooling over anything with a cock. It's not funny, it's just shit. They're like a coven of witches all sat around a cauldron with their wrinkly ugly faces cackling everytime one of the others speaks. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH GET A LIFE PEOPLE WHO WATCH LOOSE WOMEN!
( Mrs. Spatum, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:03, 2 replies)

Several things.
Broadcast TV. That can fuck right off. The move to digital has finally given me the impetus to sack Virgin media. While I buy the odd series on DVD, I've got absolutely fed up of the ad-ridden shitcast that is television.

Sport. Any and all of it. If every sportsman on the face of the planet was turned into gray goo tomorrow I'd jump for joy. The whole grunting, addled, soap-opera of football is a particular offender.

The iphone. Yes, it's a mobile device. Yes, there's apps for it. No, I'm not fucking interested. If I want to e-mail, I'll use a device with a keyboard, TYVM. If I want to browse the web, I'll do it on my network at home. If I ever absolutely need the internet when I'm out and about I may as well just an hero at the sheer pointlessness of existence.

Babies. Wailing shit machines. If anyone out there has ever brought one of these pink screaming tubes in to work to show your colleagues, just fucking kill yourself.

[Bracing for shitstorm] Games consoles. Meh. A good PC setup will wipe the floor, costs less overall, and does more. A friend bought a PS3 about a year ago, and was rhapsodising over the multiplayer aspect of the then-current version of Unreal - I forget which. Stifling a yawn, I asked the wrong question - isn't this the same thing we've had on the PC since the late 1990s?

Social Networking sites. Yes, I've taken a look. No, I'm not giving my personal data online. Do not want. Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn, and all that other bollocks can disappear in a puff of smoke for all I care. Waste of electrons. At least on B3ta you get cock jokes.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:03, 6 replies)

Wayne Rooney
Shreck faced chavvy thug.
(kitescreech still here, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:03, 3 replies)

Skinny women
Why would I want to share my bed (or a wall in an alley) with a bag of bones, when voluptuous curvaceous girls feel and look so much better?

Why should I feel a little apprehensive of saying that I prefer the curvy figure, as all other men seem to want to rub themselves up and down a xylophone in skin?

Curves rule.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:02, 22 replies)

qotw
"popular" music it all sounds the same and this RNB shite winds me up no end i mean for fucks sake its got neither rhythm or blues

girls who all look the same -- peroxide blonde hair short skirt and make-up that looks like it was put on with a shovel -- i like somebody who shows a bit of individuality and personal style.
these people who are famous for no reason I.E people like jordan, jodie marsh and that bird married to rooney -- what is it these people do exactly ... not a lot tbph
(imgunnabesick rawr ^ \_/ ^, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 19:00, Reply)

R'n'b.
It was already shit 15 years ago when it was called New Jack.

Plus, there's no Blues in it. Rythm, barely.
(Guillaume67 lacking a humourous sig since, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:58, 3 replies)

Dragon's Den for starters...
A bunch of rich cunts thinking they are god while some people offer them parts of their business in the hope of cash returns.

Any main Sonic the Hedgehog platform game. "I know," says the Sega developer..."let's make a game where the main hero runs so fast through courses that there's absolutely no fucking chance you can properly control the cunt. And then put a load of spikes at the end, just for the sheer thrill of it." Sold!

Metal Gear Solid. Now I'm going to get a few squints on this post, as the games are considered classics, and I have played a fair few of them (on the PSP also). It's just that if I wanted to spend 40 minutes of watching dialogue and 20 minutes playing, I'd watch a season of 24 and have a game of minesweep every time there's commercial break. It's too "Flick-booky" for my liking sorry :(

King Kong. Again, purists will be spitting from the rafters. But to be honest, the entire concept for King Kong is some big fuck off ape is found on an island, stuck on stage for monies and runs off with a blonde, and their first date doesn't go too well. Um...yey. Ok, this might be exempt as there's always an underlying chance of some bestiality involved, but the idea of the heroine afterwards with a minge like Dartford Tunnel, or as I like to call it, "Katie-Price Syndrome".

Which brings me to Katie Price. Total slag with a mong child. Harvey does win her bonus points (let's be honest, when isn't a mong fun?) but then she says anything in her uber-chav voice and I switch off immediately.

The appeal of that utter utter exploitist cunt that is Jeremy Cunting Kyle. Why do millions of people every single day watch that cunt put down some mentally defenceless people? He's there to "help them" and act impartial to all parties. Does he do this? Does he fuck. He sides with the first person out there and bombards the next. I seriously would do a Leona Lewis and stitch the cunt if he went to my Waterstones. Okay, I might need to address this before I get that sniper rifle off eBay...

Keeping a girl locked in a basement for 15 years while randomly sodomizing her. It's just a hobby I just couldn't get into sorry; couldn't be arsed to keep changing her hay. (This may be a fib)

Ah well. Argue with me if you like; we're all entitled to opinions, even the BNP :p
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:54, 6 replies)

Football
...or Soccer to the 'merkins.

WTF? There must be better things to do with your time than watch 11 (or is it 12) overpaid, low-iq monkeys kick a pig's bladder around a field?

...like go and pay several hundred quid for a shirt just like theirs, just so they can wear another one/different colour next year so you have to go and do it all again. Then go to the pub and have a fight with people who like a different set of 12 overpaid, low-iq monkeys.

What is the point. Can't they just have one tournement and whoever wins is the winner. Why do they have to try again the next year?
(dchurch bah, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:52, 1 reply)

When I
was a teenager/early 20's, I used to go to a place called "The PriiisieeeeN" (actually people used to pronounce it like that).

Loud, thumping, inane music with girls barely wearing dental floss flouncing about, usually very, very pissed and/or stoned.

I went there because everyone else did. It was 'cool' to go there after the pubs had shut; everyone called it 'clubbin'' init. I called it "getting a fucking stupidly expensive pint while having to repeat yourself 19 times to the twunt behind the bar more intent on ogling the aforementioned girls wearing dental floss."

Now, I'm nearly 40. I go for a few beers still with mates, and sometimes with people after work. My colleagues are in the main, older than me; yet, they still insist on going fucking 'clubbin'' when the pub shuts. They all pretend to like it.

There's nothing to fucking like! It's loud, usually filthy, full of tarts that couldn't spell their own names. You can't smoke in them, you can't even have a laugh in them for fear of losing your vocal chords. You have to pay around 10 quid for a pint, and around 8 quid for 12 fags.

How/Why are these places popular? Is it all the fear of not wanting to seem 'cool'?
(dchurch bah, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:49, 8 replies)

Television
TV, telly, the box, the boob tube.

I honestly could not give a flying fuck about one piss-licking thing on there.

I only have one in the house because it got included in the sale when I bought the place, a huge ugly lump of crappy plastic and glass spoiling the lovely aesthetic of my lounge. The aerial snapped on the roof in the gales earlier this year; I point blank refused to spend a single penny on repairing something I utterly resent and had absolutely no interest in. Eventually my girlfriend caved in after 8 weeks.

The main problem is that every single thing that is broadcast is made by and for vapid, moronic, mindless cunts.
( daikoku has been on a ragga tip since, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:49, 1 reply)

Radio 1
No. Turn it off- now. It's white noise punctuated by an overpaid halfwit jabbering on like he comes from South Central LA when in reality he's from Swindon or somewhere equally glamorous.

Radio 1? Radio no-1 understands what the frig you're trying to say.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:47, Reply)

reality shows...
Turn on Sky and there's 700+ plus channels with endless variants of the same format program. i.e. 3 or 4 unknown punters .. judging the best idea / performance / whatever... why?

Why is it that every bloke on these programs has to have a little cry in telling their story.. what's happened in the world.. MAN THE FUCK UP!
(sarcasmo needs more sleep, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:46, Reply)

Social Networking Sites
I just cannot get to grips with them. I opened a Myspace account 4 years ago only to deactivate it within 6 weeks. I tried Facebook as I was assured it was the future, and get so angry at people giving me invites for pointless applications that do nothing but show people you're into ninjas, werewolfs and vampires. I don't want to see people who I haven't seen since secondary school for good reason. I've had plenty of oppertunities to get back in touch with them if I wanted to, and I'm sure they have had the same, but I haven't. Nor do I want to. I'll stick with my phone and e-mail, and you're guarenteed to get a positive response from me if you hand write me a personal letter. Even if it's just to inform me I might have AIDS. It's the thought that counts. I don't want to be another friend added on Facebook for the sake of adding someone you once knew and to boost up your amount of Friends you have added despite you probably talking to about 5% of them.
I am not a modern day Luddite, infact I'm such the opposite I guess you can consider me a snob for not using these social networking sites.

First post ever and I sound like a grumpy old man.. Not too far from the truth. I'm 23 in 11 days.
(Jon_LTD Treat the world like a head!, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:44, Reply)

Michael McIntyre & Ugg Boots
The former is a smug narcissistic tit who suffers from chubby chinaman laughing face and can't stop laughing at his own inane "observations".
The latter are the most unattractive pieces of footwear ever created. Even worse is the fact they cost about 150quid! Even crocs are sexier, and they're about as sexy as Bella Emberg in a thong.
If I saw Michael McIntyre actually wearing Ugg boots I would implode from sheer disgust.
( jonbontempi, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 18:44, 2 replies)