naughty fake prozzies!
i went to a pub with a friend of mine once, many years ago. i had no idea what kind of place it was till i got there.
it was a prostitute's bar.
i really, really didn't want to be there, but she was paying, so i stayed.
before long, 2 really ugly guys came over and started chatting us up(or so i thought). they bought us many drinks and, after a while, they seemed less vom-inducing than i'd first thought. suddenly, my mate asks me to get her some tissue from the ladie's loo. when i came back, she was deep in conversation with the ugmo twins, but stopped talking once i got there. i was a bit annoyed by this, but didn't really think much of it.
more drinks happened.
eventually, captain ugly and the boy putrid both needed to pee, so we were left alone for a couple of minutes. my friend uses this time to whisper at me "i'm not touching these two!" i agreed that i didn't plan on letting either of them wash his winky in my kitchen sinky, either. "i've got a plan" says she, "when i tap your leg, go to the loo and stay there until i come and get you." i was about to ask for more details, but unfortunately, the brothers grim had returned.
i waited for about half an hour, when suddenly, a size 7 stiletto shoe whacked me in the shin. realising that this was the "tap" i'd been waiting for, i made my excuses and hobbled off to the bogs.
after about 20 minutes, my friend arrived. "stay close and do what i say" she whispers. we begin walking back towards the bar but, as we passed the front door, my friend yelled "RUN!" and proceeded to do so. i had no idea what she was up to, but i followed her out of the door and down the street. we'd only gone about 150 yards before we heard our erstwile escorts chasing us. fortunately, a black cab was passing, so we flagged it down and jumped in, speeding off before they could catch us up. trying to get my breath back, i stared at my friend, who was almost hysterical with laughter. i demanded to know what was so funny, and the truth came out.
our drinking companions had thought we were prostitutes. i can understand it with her, but i do not look like a prozzie! anyway, when she sent me for tissue, she had negotiated a price for a "date" with the both of us. they had paid upfront. having no intentions of doing what she'd been paid to do(and knowing that i would want no part in it), she waited until i'd been in the loo for 20 minutes, then volunteered to come looking for me, thus facilitating our escape.
she'd ripped the poor buggers off to the tune of £150.
i didn't know which offended me most, her offering me up as a buyable shag, or the fact that she'd only asked £75 each. talk about cheap.

length? 14 years and i still feel guilty.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 21 Oct 2007, 21:19, 3 replies)

oh
that's funny

really really funny
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 22 Oct 2007, 2:23, closed)

No guilt
They deserved it. Plus people that dumb are gonna get done by someone, could have been worse for them eh!?

Well done ;)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 22 Oct 2007, 10:31, closed)

Gotcha!
Aha! I knew I'd track you down eventually. You owe me and my bro some filthy sex. (Actually, I'll take his share, he won't mind)

And some drinks.
(Rsoles, Tue 23 Oct 2007, 21:12, closed)