More crap then meal out
Remember the Total eclipse a few years ago?
(where the moon covers the sun for a few seconds and it all goes dark. Really cool. No it is, really)

Aaaanyway, me and my mate Jam heard that the best place to view it was on the beach in a Cornish village called Falmouth. So we thought it would be cool to drive the 500 odd miles down there to get a better look at it (I know, i know)

Being northern dogsacks we hadn't been down south much and the whole experience got a little bit too much for us. We started to act up and become the typical loud and brash northerners that we looked lik. Mainly because it was fun seeing the look of contempt on the posh southerners faces and mainly because we were pissed.

Cutting a long story short.

We went out the night before the eclipse to an out door restaurant. This was a novelty to begin with. You don’t get many out door eating establishments oop north. Well, not counting hot dog stands etc etc

So, we ordered some grub and a few beers. They didn’t have any pies so we ordered some southern muck. Pasta or something.

Now the place was busy (due to the eclipse). So we settled down with our beers and enjoyed the view.

Cue several beers later. No food. Another beer. No food. Another beer. What were these shandy twats doing?? We only ordered pasta!

So, being reasonable chaps we complained nicely. They brought us out more beers for free (bonus). Still no food. Another complaint and they said that they had run out of pasta! So we re order and get more beers on the house.

So it comes up to the hour mark, still no food. Rather noisy complaint from us. More free beers from them. At this point we had had no food and had been sinking as many free beers as we could manage (all this on an empty stomach).

Then we notice other people who ordered after us being served with pasta!

Right!

Now imagine that scene from With Nail And I (in the tea rooms) but replace it with two very pissed loud northerners. “Fuck you we’re off. And we’re not paying for the beers cocker!” (or something along those lines). The waitress seemed quite pleased about this and cleverly made no attempt to stop us.
Their food looked and probably was shite anyway.

The funny part of the story is when we got back to our campsite I had a few drags on a funny cigarette. Surprisingly this sent Jam under and straight off to sleep

I on the other hand was left with a dilemma. I either needed to be sick or I needed to defecate. In my pissed mind I chose the latter. Which would have been fine if I was near a toilet!

It was pitch black and I was in a field with 100 other eclipse revellers (really families exploiting the cheap English camping holiday). Here logic took over. I crawled over and squatted down behind Jam’s car and laid a three day old log which was desperate to escape. Exhausted from this I and collapsed in the tent.

Come the dawn sun the only thing which cured my hangover was to watch from the tent as Jam went to retrieve some water from his car. Yep, you guessed it.

He trampled all over the man egg in his bare feet. The look of recognition/ disgust on his face as it slowly dawned on him that his feet were cover with cack was priceless! Some how I suppressed my mirth and blamed it on an imaginary dog that I claimed was hanging around the camp site. Which he believed!?


I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with food and it’s quite long. But to be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck.
(neildeal, Thu 27 Apr 2006, 16:30, Reply)