army boys
does anyone here know why army boys enjoy cross dressing so much?

my ex oswald, despite being skinny and hairless of body and having a nose with its own postcode and generally looking more like a starving baby bird than an officer and a gentleman, had a commission to join the army after university. he wasn't actually that army-ish, but my god some of his mates were truly awful.

two occasions stand out. the first a truly shit party at a shit house down in battersea. the "boys" were in fancy dress, and as we arrived they were ignoring the sad droopy breasted stripper who was gyrating to herself in the lounge, and instead having a competition to see who could stuff the most brown m & ms up their arses. i must point out that my ex was doing neither on this occasion. do you really think i'd ever have slept with him again if he had!?

anyway. in an effort to mingalise and not to look too snotty, my flatmate said jokingly to the hairiest burliest bloke in a pink woollen mini-dress that i hope i ever see:

"i hope you're wearing underwear!"

to which loz, for this was the name of the beast, casually lifted his skirt and flopped his tiny semi-erect self into his hand.

"nope," he said proudly, as if showing us a fucking rock hard 8", "that's my cock." then ran off to grab a fistful of m & ms with which to distend his swollen hairy brown eye even further. eeeeeow.

the second occasion was at our uni bar, and all the army boys were in fancy dress "just because". my ex was wearing a skin tight black and white minidress and boots, and more eyeliner than a goth chick, and i have never seen a guy get so much attention from the ladies. again, anyone know why this is??

so he was flirting with this girl and then drunkenly said something about having bigger tits than she did. the next minute her enormous boyfriend loomed into sight, and brandished a huge meaty fist at the cowering ropey tranny in front of him. and what did oswald say?

"wait there. i'm just going to get my big mates to deal with you."

and this guy is now a major or something in the army. jesus christ. that is all.

apologies for length, as oswald sure as hell never made any.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 18 Mar 2007, 9:57, Reply)