True Story
My wife was put on "bed rest" in the hospital when she was pregnant with my son. We weren't expecting him to come along for another week or two, so I went to work.

A couple hours later, I get a call from my aunt-in-law -- my wife's in labor. I tear-ass to the hospital, going 70+ mph in a 40mph zone, and 120+ mph in a 55mph zone.

After I get to the hospital, there's much running about in wingtips, and I barely make it to the birthing room. I'm there for about two minutes -- long enough to hold my wife's hand -- and out rockets my son. Literally. He popped out with such force that he ricocheted off the doctor's chest and landed on my arm. Fortunately, someone caught him before he slipped off and did some umbilical bungee-ing.

I began a full-on cry at this point.

As I've only been in the room for two minutes, I didn't have an opportunity to get a good look at anyone other than my wife. Up from my wife's business end comes an East Indian doctor who says, "Congratulations. Your son has committed his first assault."

So, there I was, winded, crying, and uncontrollably laughing like a mong.
( cciulla doesn't have a board sig., Wed 20 Apr 2005, 13:42, Reply)