i've never cried

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:42, 6 replies)

Knocking the glass over that contains the last drop of alcohol in the house and it is too late to go and buy more.
A person having a sneezing attack over the coke after they have just had their line.

The juice bar running out of wheat grass.

The barista not knowing how to make my ristretto, I mean why call yourself a barista.

70 mph speed limit - I mean what's the point having a fast car if you cannot put your foot down and tailgate!!!!!
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:38, 3 replies)

omg the ending of blackadder 4 - so moving!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:35, 11 replies)

When planning my wedding, I was petrified I would blub uncontrollably at the main event.
When trying to choose music, any wedding video on youtube would set me off (yeah, and things like Canon in D).

I was fine on the actual day though and I was perfectly serene and dignified - drink and tranquillizers meant I didn't really know what was happening.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:18, 5 replies)

Four things. None of which are real.
The first, Barber's Adagio for strings.
A piece of music that still, even after all these years calls to mind the horror of the burned worlds and the deaths of millions.

The second, The first 10 Minutes of the film "UP".
Anyone who comes out of that without tearing up even a little is probably already dead.

The third.
Silent Running.
May as well scratch out the title and re-label the film "Unending despair at the fall of sparrows" 'twould be more accurate.

And this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=j-pF56-ZYkY

Do as we say.
Or we will kill you.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:08, 10 replies)

The semifinal of Masterchef.
The soaring music, the back story of the contestants, the pressure they've been under to make a bit of dinner, and then they get sent home after all that hard work.

Gets me every time.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 11:06, 3 replies)

i'm a hard-faced bitch and it takes a lot to make me cry
unless i get angry, and then the tears cannot be stopped. my dad was pretty much the only person that reduced me to this state (past tense because i'm a bit old for it these days!) and he had the most infuriating way of dealing with it. he'd hold up a hand to cut off my brilliant oratorical fireworks, and just say:

"you can cut the waterworks. it's not impressing me."

MOST. ANNOYING. THING. EVER.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:58, 4 replies)

Battlefield walk ends (and starts) in tears
I used to live more or less on the battlefield of Waterloo and read a lot of books about it. One weekend we had a load of friends and relations visiting so as part of the weekend's entertainments I offered to give them a tour of the battlefield with commentary about the various locations. We started off at the Hougoumont farm and I told the story of its defence, including how a load of Frenchies had got inside the courtyard but the gates were closed behind them, and all the Frogs were killed apart from a little drummer boy. At this point I found myself overcome with emotion and burst into tears in front of the 20 or so guests. The rest of the tour I started blubbing at every single mention of an injured or killed soldier. So that was a happy couple of hours.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:31, 2 replies)

The start of Watchmen
It takes a lot of self-control and manliness for me to get through The Times They Are A-Changing - usually the music starts me off but when it gets to the bit when the girl puts the flower in the soldier's rifle barrel and then he shoots her I really have to stare at the ceiling and think about happy thoughts otherwise I'd be in floods.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:20, 8 replies)

a 400 year old movie - poignant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_H71aiz290
(jerrykew He who codes last, codes least, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 10:11, Reply)

Gerard Doopeedoo's closing speach in Cyrano de Bergerac
Nobility and pathos.

also oddly the film Senna, I am always welling up as it gets to the race at Imola,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:58, Reply)

Marley & Me
I mean seriously, cry? No. I bawl my eyes out. I look like I've had a shit in Mike Tyson's kettle and he's caught me doing it the day after.
( Ninj, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:57, 6 replies)

A Night to Remember
The band on the deck reforming after they've said their final farewells and playing on always makes me weep uncontrollably.

Also, there's a bit when the boat has sunk and a gentleman is in the water and asks if he can get into one of the lifeboats, but is told it's full, so with a cheery 'I quite understand,' swims off into the darkness doing the breaststroke.
( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:53, Reply)

Why Andy...
Toy Story 3, when Andy is giving his toys to the little girl at the end.
(Strump striving for imperfection since, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:51, 8 replies)

Grave of the Fireflies
I've never been able to make it past the first 10 minutes.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:34, 3 replies)

Monsters Inc.
Right at the end, Sully opens the rebuilt door and off camera you hear

"Kitty....."

Every. Single. Time.
(TheManofScience, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 9:09, Reply)

Nothing.
I'm well fucking hard.
(username failed moderation, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 8:55, 4 replies)

Thread deletion makes me cry

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 8:04, Reply)

Paper cut on bell end

(Eukanuba, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 8:02, Reply)

Richard Dimbleby's report from Belsen
Almost unbearable. How could human beings do that?
(ubergeekian, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 7:29, Reply)

"Godspeed, Titanic"
youtu.be/6U7uFjjiOrk
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 7:25, Reply)

Bells Palsy
In one eye 24/7
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 6:51, Reply)

Johnny Cash's version of If You Could Read My Mind.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 3:32, 2 replies)

When a boxing match referee saw a losing
fighter drop his guard, he stepped in between the boxers and hugging the losing defenseless boxer with one arm, waved his other arm wildly overhead. He took a half-hearted punch to the kidney from the other boxer and a lot of boos from the audience wanting the fight to end in a knock-out.

I have always admired this man for doing his job, and I was so relieved it made me cry.
( tromboner cherophobia is my kind of fun, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 2:03, Reply)

Alright then.
As many people are mentioning TV shows or films that choke them up...

The final 30 minutes of Last Of The Mohicans. The way the English Major, played by Steven Waddington, spends the first 90 minutes of the film being an utterly irredeemable shit-pocket, then to realise that Hawkeye is the only man who will keep the woman he loves alive, he instantly gives up his own life to protect her ...it sets me off.

By time Uncas has lifelessly slid over the cliff and Johdi May's Alice chooses to join him, well, I'm watching it through a blur.

By the time Daniel Day Lewis and his Film-Dad have performed their savage, heroic, completely unrealistic rescue of Madeleine Stowe I'm normally in a right old state.

I once made the mistake, as a man in my late twenties, of watching this in the company of four other fellas. They all enjoyed the testosterone-heavy violence of it, I had to go for a casual, 20 minute, very manly poo.

As they wouldn't hear my pathetic sobbing noises from the bathroom.

Mills & Boon twat.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 0:58, 7 replies)

LCD Soundsystem's Someone Great
For reasons Ivan Pavlov probably understands better than I do, even the instrumental version sets me off a bit.
(J H Christ began in Afrika ka ka ka ka, Thu 7 Aug 2014, 23:16, 2 replies)

when cars pull out of the way to let an ambulance through, makes me proud of humans, both for having managed to organise for there to be ambulances, and for cooperating to help them get where they are going, and thinking of this makes me cry, and then I think about how even though we can do that, so often there is very little reason to be proud of humans, due to doing things that are the opposite of ambulances, and that makes me cry a bit more
( vladimir, Thu 7 Aug 2014, 23:10, 6 replies)

You don't even know how to say goodbye

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Aug 2014, 22:29, 1 reply)