PC FUCKING WORLD
Yes, I was a techie for PC World, and working so closely with the public you get to meet some fucking insane characters. This is my favourite one:

*customer bangs on the desk with his fist, I look up from the PC I was upgrading. Banging fist on desk is never a good start..

"COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!" Shouts the man, very short, about 50 with a balding head but a big beard - they're the worst

So I trot out, good as gold, noticing that he had brought his PC in a trolley, including the monitor, cables and The Sale of Goods Act printed out and highlighted the sentences that he thought would add weight to his case.

Me: "What seems to be the trouble, sir?"

Mr Twat: "THIS PC YOU SOLD ME IS FAULTY!! I SPENT OVER £500 ON THIS! (it's probably the cheapest one we sold at the time)

Me "Ok I can have look for you, what seems to be the trouble"

Mr Twat "DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME, I HAVE DRIVEN 6 MILES TO BRING THIS FUCKING SHIT IN"

Me "Please don't swear at me sir, I will help you but I won't be sworn at"

He turns a shade of purple that I didn't know existed.

"I'LL SAY WHATEVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE"

The store was quiet but a small crowd had started to gather. The security guard had gone down off his podium and was ready to press the panic buttons. I was shitting myself but was suprisingly steadfast in the face of this loony.

"Could you tell me what the prob....."

"THE RED CARDS WON'T STAY ON THE RED CARDS"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Twat: "THE RED CARDS WON'T STAY ON THE BLOODY RED CARDS!"

Yes, he had printed out the entire Sale of Goods act (about 2 reams of paper-worth) he had unplugged his PC, put it in his car, driven all the way (probably at 80mph) - because he didn't know how to play fucking Solitaire

He was still shouting when he left the store, after I had explained the rules of Microsoft Solitare, and left the car park with his tyres screeching.

There were some other corkingly awful customers but I think my brain has created a special compartment to hide them from my waking thoughts to stop me going insane. Maybe some more will escape and I'll let you guys know!

Length: 3 gruelling years before I left for a proper I.T job, 4x the salary for a fraction of the grief!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 20:28, 8 replies)

it's obviously
a fault with the pump-cycle on the nanochimp wires running through the clitagator drive, causing the asymmetry counter to chip the extamporator unit into medium-flump frobulations. Have you tried to turn it on and off again?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 20:39, closed)

brilliant
best play ive never seen
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 21:19, closed)

And he's allowed to drive a car
fucktard.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 22:14, closed)

oh, jesus
i'd have laughed in his face, called him a fucking cretin and yelled all over the shop the reason he was kicking off. okay, so it may get you sacked, but it'd be worth it!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 22:22, closed)

Absolute Genius
I don't think even I've come across such a cretin as this.

*click* for the tale, and staying calm in the face of intense provocation.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 9:56, closed)

*Clicked*
Just... Speechless.

Just a few more stories like these, and I'm giving up my IT job and become a security person, just for the right to kick cunts like this out of stores.
(Obsidian, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:22, closed)

I did have to skip to the end when you wrote this
"the man, very short, about 50 with a balding head but a big beard", bringing in a computer to PC World, as I thought it was going to be a Gary Glitter story...
(Hermioninny, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 19:57, closed)

That man
must surely have got home, parked his car, opened his front door, and trudged slowly upstairs to his bathroom.

He must then have stared at his reflection in the mirror for a good ten to fifteen minutes.

Then he must have turned the gas on and crawled sobbing into the oven.

For HOW could he go on living, knowing what he had just done?
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 18:31, closed)