I sorted a date with nurse.
Day of date:

Several calls saying she was on her way, in 30 min intervals... 3 hours elapsed and i'm sitting in the pub paying my rent in pints. So I get to 6 pints of Tangle foot and just decide wtf i'm in for the long game as people are chatty and just enjoying banter with locals.

She finally arrives, dressed like a hooker from a cheap 80's pron, offer to buy her a drink. She orders a double straight vodka, downs in 1 and vanishes to the bathroom.

5 min later she reappears, with a slight nasal irritation.

rinse and repeat for another 4 rounds, I switched to spirits as the bulk of gods finest was bloating.

Every round, She 'needs a pee', 5 mins and nasal probs.

Get to restaurant, order food. Every 5 mouth mouthfuls 'need a pee' off again to bathroom.

Cutting short as this is as tedious typing as for you reading.

She was bulimic, alcoholic coke fiend.

Back at my flat she was in bathroom on her phone trying to arrange a £250 drop of coke at my address and she asked me if I could lend her some money.

Fuck that...

I recalled her dealer and said I cant pay and neither can she and kicked her out.

Hows that for a first date?
(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Thu 4 Sep 2014, 22:49, 14 replies)

I don't remember going on a date with you.
Seriously though, did the best thing there
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 8:24, closed)

so what you're saying here
is that you missed at least a dozen opportunities to follow her and have a toot and an angry cubicle fuck?

yerr ... well done ...
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 9:03, closed)

I have too much of a an addictive personality that coke would be my end game.

(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Sat 6 Sep 2014, 0:24, closed)

what does that even mean?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 8:49, closed)

It means he's terrified of massive drugs.
And believes everything that anti drugs campaigns tell him.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 17:36, closed)

it's true ... a marijuana smoker once sneezed near me and I've been a heroin addict ever since

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 18:24, closed)

Amazed she managed even a few mouthfalls if she was that charlied up
I've never been able to touch food on coke
( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 9:28, closed)

So that's how AB maintains his waif-like figure.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 9:52, closed)

i too was hoping that twist was going to be that it was ab in a frock

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 10:08, closed)

everybody wants ab in a frock

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 12:23, closed)

^Tears for Fears' less successful follow up

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 12:38, closed)

lol
these always amuse me a LOT more than they should
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 12:54, closed)

If you sponsor, anything is game on. // except the pokey hole as im ok with my lady.

(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Sat 6 Sep 2014, 0:27, closed)

Never engage the wrath of a Kiwi lady.

(Master_Slob UK minister for cultural appropriation., Sat 6 Sep 2014, 0:29, closed)