I once was in a gay bar (mild simmering pearoast)
In Glasgow with a gay friend. Damn I'm hip, I thought. I'm not even quivering with fear. I'm talking with, like, total fags like they're real people. I'm totally seeing lesbians playing tonsil hockey. They both might look like Bobby Hill, but hey, two chicks, amiright?

I was drinking a pint of lager to assert my heterosexuality, as all the bummers were drinking spirits or from branded bottles. You know, like I was a real man. So when a young lady came up to me and said "My friend fancies you," I assumed her friend was a girl. So I followed her, and my glib superiority turned to horror when she led me to a bloke. Who was old. Like, about sixty old. And fugly. And who started spouting indecipherable Glasweegie at me. Dumbstruck, I accepted a drink and stood there trying to think how to escape without seeming a total dick. But after a moment or two I realised I had no obligation to this guy so I just said, "Er, sorry, I'm not gay, and I'm just going to join my friends". I felt like Niles in the Frasier episode when his dad has to make on that he and Niles are in a relationship. It wasn't the being thought gay that annoyed me. Evidently people thought that was the best I could do.
(McChinaman banned, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:05, 6 replies)

Self-awareness not a big factor in your life, then...

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:38, closed)

That's, like, the point

(McChinaman banned, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:16, closed)

It's only hip
If you go there with no gay friends at all.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:24, closed)

Like there are any gay bars in glasgow. They are just places where straight married men give cash to
the young neds from Easterhouse and Anderston for sex, ask B3ta comedian Moag Brainbow because he knows.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:51, closed)

On reflection it probably WAS the best you could do,
Gay guys are generally fussier than fat chicks.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 10 Sep 2014, 15:23, closed)

Not at 3am.

(McChinaman banned, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 16:22, closed)