Nightmare in the village hall
When I was about 19 or so I was seeing this bird (let's call her Bob) quite casual like and she invited me to a charity live music night (the one's your nan would take you to) because she was singing. I was cool with it because it was local, the bar was cheap, and Bob's family loved having stupidly pissed-up parties after her singing. I also got a good mate of mine to come along for support.

So there we were getting absolutely shit-faced on Orangeboom in the local village hall listenin to Bob and various other FUCKING SHIT singers from around the town.

The night went quickly and suddenly it was packing up time. Me and my mate were chatting about me and Bob's "situation" next to some very loud speakers erected near the stage. The all important question arose...

'SO WHAT'S THE CHANCES OF YOU AND HER TONIGHT?'

At this point, a Queen Vic moment happened. I opened my mouth to speak the exact same time as the lights came on and the music stopped. You also have to remember this hall echoed like a bastard... I answered (just as loud as my mate asking)

'I'M FUCKING WELL IN THERE MATE'

Oh. I definitely didn't get any and never bothered trying again out of shame.
(wizardsleeves, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:58, Reply)

I went on a blind date...
...a few months ago. Now I normally go for girls a fair bit younger than me (around 18 or 20ish) which earns me no end of piss-taking from mates (they're only jealous!) so, much against my better judgement, I decided to go on a blind date with a girl more around my own age (28), she *said* she was often complimented on her looks and stuff so I had high hopes...then we met...oh dear, she dressed like my mum, was a bitter divorcee and was less than impressed with my singular style of clothing! We spent a very dull and uncomfortable few hours in a pub talking about how much she hated her ex-husband...I thought it would never end...it did, thank god, and I vowed never to go on another one again ;)
( The Reverend Lord Lizard, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:51, Reply)

only last night.
although we hit the ground running at the weekend, last night was technicaly speeking our first date. we meet in the pub and have a few drinks, it's getting very cosy. 'i know it's early' i say, 'but, shall we go?' 'ok' is the ready reply. we go to her place, have a couple more drinks, it's rocking. i carry her to bed (works like a charm guys) after a while it seems that i am on the brink of something very special, i can feel it in my bones that i am ready to surpass my own epic standards. something legendary is about to happen, we are down to our last items of underwear, rubbing against eachother. 'ooh' i say what was that little twinge i just felt i wonder? i dont wonder for more than a seccond, i know what's up, it's not the first time. that's right, a tug to the banjo string before i even get my pants off and it's all over. i mope to the bathroom, swearing just a little. my spirits are soon lifted when she comes to me and say's 'its ok, we can just have a cuddle, that would be nice'. hmm, this is of course true, but to be doing it when you should be earning a knighthood just isnt the same is it?

i would like to apologise for the lack of a length, and any boastfulness.
(incredible wrongun, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:45, Reply)

A mere sixteen years old
Very drunk. In a club. Beer goggles working overdrive.

I had vague memories of pulling a girl, no recollection of what she looked like. I found her phone number in my pocket the next day, so gave her a call.

We met up. She looked like Arnold out of "Hey Arnold".
( The Rabid Ferret of Doom is no longer a badger, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:33, Reply)

Many years ago ...
Boy meets girl. Agreement made to meet at a party later that week. Before party, boy meets mates with beer. Agreement made to contribute fixed amount regardless of beer consumed. Business instinct kicks in.

Girl spends night at party.

Boy spends night passed out in bushes 200 meters away from party. Eventually wakes up and staggers home.
(I was penalized for that, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:30, Reply)

so
left a party with her, it was late and she hinted at going back to hers. I, at least trying to make it feel a bit less obvious, suggested finding one last bar beforehand. Found a place eventually (think 2.30am weds. regent st.).. so many drunken city twats etc. I was pretty knackered and cut short any dancing attempts pretty to get some water.
When i returned... "hey, i think im going to be a tart and pull those guys over there, are you going to hang around too?" .

so pride intact, decided on a quick exit..

funny old game
( Flamebunny i only have eyes for ewe, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:09, Reply)

Frosted glass
\unlurk ... A few years back desperate for a shag, I pulled a girl that looked a little less normal. Eyes too close together, that sort of stuff. Anyway, I go out on the balcony to have a quick smoke. She's got frosted glass from the balcony to the bathroom. The sight of her bending over and wiping her arse really took the shine off the evening.
(elyobelyob, Thu 28 Oct 2004, 12:08, Reply)