Mobile phones and pornography
My prediction - as more pron gets delivered on mobile phones it will force changes in the industry to enable the images to fit nicely onto smaller screens. Midget studs with small cocks will get all the work.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:28, Reply)

Not all postmen
are called Pat.

Some are called Bob.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:26, Reply)

Dirty secret of the postal service
My mate recently took employment with the postal service and told me it's dirty secret....

...the postman doesn't always ring twice.
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 12:03, Reply)

spot the ball
i used to work for vernons pools marking spot the ball coupons - once we reached the quota of X's that were close to the spot, the rest of the coupons went in the bin - roughly over half them.
(westhead, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:49, Reply)

The mobile phone industry
Your mobile phone calls are being subsidised by pornography.

A couple of years ago at a mobile phone trade show some business leader or other quoted that as much as 70% of mobile phone traffic on future 3G networks will be pornography.

That means that anyone, engineer, marketing, or designer with anything to do with mobile phones is actually working in the pornography distribution industry.

Tell your gran!
(JuanTheMan "hair-color:#FF6600", Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:48, Reply)

They hand out the Vaseline here too.
But there's only one place it needs to be applied to...

(may not be fact)

They make Manufacturing work 12 hour shifts. I used to have to be on shift with them. It was fucking awful.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:39, Reply)

Cleanrooms: re Resident Loon's post below
We have a cleanroom here too. A rep once told me that you should either wear full cleanroom kit (which he was selling) or go in naked and covered with Vaseline (either way it stops your skin cells falling off onto the silicon wafers).

We found this amusing. So much so that I now tell this to each year's student intake in the cleanroom changing room. Then I ask, "OK, everyone got their cleanroom suits with them?"

None of them do, because we haven't given them out yet, but it's worth it to see their faces. Especially when I produce a jar of Vaseline...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:31, Reply)

Maccas Coke
Since people were discussing it, When I was working at Maccy D's after I left uni we'd mostly get up to mischief when the place had closed. This was mostly because this was a company run branch not a franchise so we couldn't get away with much when we were on shift so we'd save our sauce gun fights, frozen doughnut ice hockey and cardboard cage wrestling until the customers went. One night we decided to have some fun with the accounting system and would look up the wholesale prices of various things. One of these was the coke.

McDs sells so much coke than instead of the giant wine boxes full of syrup that most people working in bars will be familiar with they have large steel silos in the back which are filled up by tankers. If you walk around a branch you will find a small catflap sized door usually around by the drive-through lane. This is where the hose comes in to fill these silos up. Because it is bulk bought in such massive quantities it is really cheap at wholesale.

For a large drink, the coke worked out at about 9p and the cup it comes in was 12p.

The most expensive single items were the big boxes of cheese slices which worked out at £70 a box. This was in 2002 so not too long ago.
(ME-tan, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:30, Reply)

I want more work
I did think about becoming an escort (for approximately 20 minutes) and then I thought I'd have to screw men I didn't fancy.

Hmmm...

I suppose I ought to get this article written.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:30, Reply)

Slightly open shirts
A hint of whats beneath - cleavage or rippling muscles - it doesn't matter to me.

I think they keep the best looking ones in the sorting office.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:28, Reply)

Our postie
looks about 15 and wears stripy emo jumpers.
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:28, Reply)

Shirts
Is that so you can admire their cleavage?

(all our posties are women it seems)
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:23, Reply)

There is one definite benefit to working in a cleanroom environment.
They don't give a rat's arse what you wear under the cleanroom suit, within reason.

I'm currently wearing shorts, a baggy tee shirt and trainers. And I'm not considered to be "dressed down".

How many engineers can say that?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:23, Reply)

Big Girls Blouse
My postie wears a red shirt(for Australia Post), whistles when he walks and is missing a thumb. I keep expecting him to pop out the other part of the thumb and do an amazing *abra-ca-thumbra* trick on me.. but he won't..

in short.. posties are not attractive at all.. clothes on or off
(brotagaia, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:23, Reply)

Even better
Posties in the summer with shorts on and a short sleeves shirts, slightly open at the neck.

Quick, I need a slap!
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:17, Reply)

I designed a website for a vet
And put a picture in of a "cute little sick mouse" ready for its operation.


....Really the photo is of a mouse from a research facility, about to be chopped up in the name of finding out whether chav's make-up will give them cancer.

Unrelated, but they should make some that does.
(Marmite Omelette ...but I feel better having screamed, don't you?, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:15, Reply)

BGB
Our posties don't wear navy...its sort of a sky blue
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:12, Reply)

I love posties!
I think its the uniform - navy polycotton hmmmm
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:07, Reply)

pooflake...
Good point. And I'm normally so PC...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 11:05, Reply)

Life's gonna suck...
when you grow up,
when you grow up,
when you grow up.

Life's gonna suck,
when you grow up,
it sucks pretty bad right now!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Schoolkids!
ALL jobs are shit. Dont grow up.
(frankspencer, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:55, Reply)

Enzyme...
Don't be 'horsist'. Gay horses can do everything the straight ones can you know.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:55, Reply)

nickb/ crackhouseceilidhband
Nuts to the fact that there's gay horse porn on the computer - the fact that gay horses can produce and enjoy porn, and operate a computer on top of that, is what's staggering me. How do their hooves work the mouse?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:20, Reply)

Right-to-buy council houses
First off, of course you'll get a mortgage to RTB easily, no matter what your credit rating. The lenders prefer it when you default on your high interest loan.

Now the council assessor who values your RTB house basically does three things: -

1) Inspects your house so he can go back to the office and laugh with everyone about what a shithole you live in. The top three was the imigrant family who hadn't flushed the loo in 6 years; the indian restaurant worker who was washing the previous night's plates in his bath; and the hand painted sign on a house full of pikeys "be wear! dogz on petrol"

2) Your house will be vaules soley on the amount of bedrooms it has, this is the law. don't even think about trying to tell us how your hand laid laminate flooring and hand build kitchen units have increased the value so you should pay less.

3) If your council house has a big garden, it's just possible that you might get approached unnofficially with an offer to sell the extra land so we can do a bit of property developing in our spare time.

Length? We'll have to send a survey team round.
(Stonkwood Pipes made me do it, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:17, Reply)

You know the theory that if a million monkeys are given typewriters and hit keys at random, they'll produce the complete works of Shakespeare?
I'm convinced they're trying something similar on the BT switchboard. I've been trying to get a telephone line installed for the last six weeks - my initial order dropped into a black hole for three weeks, then I had to endlessly reschedule it because, in their infinite wisdom, BT sent engineers round when I was out (and I told them beforehand I'd be out then.) If you try and phone them up, you'll be put on hold for at least 40 minutes, then get told you've called the wrong department (even though you called the number which should in theory put you through to that department directly) because some twat on the switchboard pressed the wrong button. Repeat ad infinitum, and waste £35 on phonecalls to an 0800 number (which are certainly not free if you're calling on a mobile.)

To add insult to injury, because I'm too far from the nearest major city and therefore can't get cable, I have no choice but to install a BT line - almost all ISPs will only provide internets through a BT line. *head in hands*
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:08, Reply)

My brother used to be a postie

…and the shit he used to have to put up with makes me have some sympathy for the poor fuckers.

As has been previously mentioned, they don’t know (or care) why the ‘anal intruder’ you bought off Ebay three weeks ago hasn’t arrived. It’s not the postman’s fault. So there’s no excuse to leave hypodermic needles contaminated with fuck knows what in the letterbox now is there?

Verbal abuse, dogs set on you, having to talk to old grannies…we don’t get that in IT.

I don’t know how much they earn, and they’re definitely not in the same league as the footballers vs nurses salary argument etc., but they still have a pretty shit job and maybe deserve a bit of a break.

It’s just an opinion though…please don’t jump down my throat people…I don’t really care that much.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:05, Reply)

Joke
I don't have a story but I'd like to register a joke that I invented on the train this morning (4/10/2007).

Here it is:

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a stick of deodorant!
Doctor: Are you Sure?
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 10:05, Reply)

The Post Office part II
I'd rather have my mail delivered by Boeing than fly in a plane built by the Post Office.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 4 Oct 2007, 9:53, Reply)

The Post Office....
...as it stands, is a crock of shit. A birthday card posted in Glasgow took 8 days to reach Edinburgh. That's approximately 5 miles per day.

Shit, I could have crawled on my hands and knees and hand delivered it faster.

I hear that they're putting up the price of a first class stamp to 40p. It's still good value though - 5p for delivery and 35p for storage. Ba-dum.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 4 Oct 2007, 9:45, Reply)

the british postal service is the best in the world
really, it is.

if we don't support it, we'll be stuck paying a fuck of a lot more for a much worse service.

yes the courier companies charge less at the moment, but that's only so that they get the business. once the post is fucked they'll jack the prices back up.

OK so a lot of post goes missing, because being a postie is seen as a dead end job, so mayybe it doesn't get the best workers. but the fact that you can send a letter from anywhere in the UK to anywhere else in the UK and have an above 95% chance of it arriving the next day is something to be proud of.

if we don't support it now, the royal mail will be gone, and then we'll ALL be whining about how utterly shit UPS/FEDEX/whoever are, and why did we get rid of the royal mail?
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 4 Oct 2007, 9:35, Reply)