DIY cointreau
My mother made cointreau from vodka, orange peel and sugar. You had to put it in a dark, warm place (what we call a hot press but you English types call the airing cupboard) and shake it every day.

She and her friends drank it on Christmas Eve. They got so pissed and so excited that my mum over-rocked on the rocking chair and fell off onto the Christmas tree, collapsing the whole damn thing and landing on the presents.

We like to remind her of that every Christmas, especially when we're putting the fairy on the top of the tree: "oh look ma, the fairy made it to the top of the tree, just like you didn't."
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:05, 76 replies)

*resists urge to make joke about 'hot press'*
GAH!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:12, closed)

...
My parents also had a go at citrus spirits: pretty colours, but... oh, boy.

My mother is a very entertaining drunk...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:12, closed)

mine too
and she insists on curing her hangovers by eating homemade Knickerbocker Glory sundaes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:13, closed)

You're all so middle class!
I feel so left out that my parents were too busy working down t'mine to attempt to poison me.

Back in my day all this were fields etc...
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:16, closed)

Whilst on holiday in the south of france
My mother drank a bottle of sparkling wine along with half a bottle of Kir, and then collapsed on the caravan floor before vomiting.

Bert's right, that sounds horrifically middle class.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:20, closed)

Ahhaaaaaaa!
Middle class! My parents are poor alcos who couldn't afford the real deal so we had to scour the hedgerows for potential brewing ingredients! Once someone gave us a leftover can of Special Brew. That was a great treat, I can tell you. Never let anyone say that it was half-empty; that was half-full and glorious!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:21, closed)

@al
You utter, utter bastard.
I got nothing but trips to Haven holidays in Cornwall, and an 18 hour drive, in the back of a Ford Sierra with my three siblings (though they've now multiplied to 8), up to Scotland (we were living in Germany at the time) to see my Nan when I were a lad.

Tsk.

*edit* I like the sound of your family chcb!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:22, closed)

*agrees with the Sexmonkey*
we didn't get foreign holidays. We got to go camping in Ireland, which is nice, though not exotic as we lived in Ireland. When we got to our destination my sister and I played in the garden of the pub for about a week then we all went home.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:24, closed)

To be fair though
crackband, I didn't even know what Cointreau was until I was about 18.
Your family were posh pikeys!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:26, closed)

In between-y
I'm nowhere near middle class, but the comparison of holidays reminded me that my dad would take us on shitty caravan holidays (typically 15hrs to Cornwall or some obscure spot in Wales - from Newcastle)

The bastard would then piss off abroad on a proper holiday with my stepmother without even telling us! I only found out once because their neighbour was feeding the cats when I phoned.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:27, closed)

*hangs head*
*apologises profusely for upbringing*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:27, closed)

@al
now promise you won't do it again!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:29, closed)

.
sorrymrbertmonkeysex'sbackpromiseIwon'tdoitagainmrbertmonkeysex'sback
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:31, closed)

My friend
made some DIY baileys a few months back...... double cream, vodka and something else which I suspect was instant coffee. Unfortunately, several margarita's had rendered her tastebuds inoperative and she said the curdled, lumpy mess was "nice" between fits of giggling :)
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:31, closed)

Middle-class?
I'm saying nothing.


Sorry: that should be "nowt". Or "t'nowt." Yes. That's it. That's how an echt prole speaks, isn't it?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

When I were a lad
Holidays? Living in God's Own Country, every day was a holiday. Ahem. Especially when it snowed. In June.

Our first foreign jaunt involved an introduction to French plumbing, horse steaks, and meat cooked (contradiction?) blue. Oh, and my Grand-Dad semi-drowned.

On the bright side, it did mean a longer holiday as he was in whatever the French is for Intensive Care, so I was in Abbeville for Bastille Day and could watch the local urchins throwing fireworks under moving cars.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

No No Enzyme
It's "ahhhm not saying nuffink you fackin cant"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:36, closed)

I ain't sayin' nuffin mate
I were born in'Arlow, Essiks, innit?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:38, closed)

Shatt i', yoo shlaaaaayg!
That is all.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:39, closed)

Enzyme
You live in Gorton for Bob's sake. By definition, you can't be middle class unless you're lost or met an extremely persuasive estate agent.

Indulge your inner serf.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:39, closed)

I'm a plastic Jock so...
Ahm no tellin' youse!

*braw, bricht, moonlicht nicht, the nichts*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:40, closed)

@Sexmonkey
I don't think my ma had heard of cointreau either. Well, she may have heard of it but she'd obviously never tried it. If she'd ever had any she wouldn't have had to make it herself, I think.

My parents are a bit hippyish in a no money whatsoever, totally working class background kind of way (though Norn Iron doesn't really have the same class system as England). It means we escaped the chaviness but then again, I got all my clothes from the black bin bags of stuff my cousins were throwing out. Oh, and my mum once bought my school coat secondhand off my schoolmate who proceeded to tell everyone I was wearing a secondhand coat - her secondhand coat. She was a complete dick though, that's the only thing that bothered me, that I was wearing a dick's coat.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:41, closed)

Awww...!
CHCB! I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean it. I feel for you over the dick's coat though, you can borrow my jacket any time you like.

Saying that though, I wasn't even bottom of my family's pecking order for hand-me-downs, my mum used to put my old pants on our dog when she was in heat.
Still, she's happily living on a farm somewhere now...
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:45, closed)

@osok
Ah, but Gorton's being regenerated, and the work has started since I moved there. Coincidence? Or am I making Gorton petit bourgeois little by little?

In fairness, my accent and my propensity to wear a suit got some funny looks to begin with...

(I love the area - but I'm hoping to make a tidy profit when I move on in a decade or so...)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:47, closed)

@sexmonkey
Your mum was in heat? She lives on a farm? You like goats? What?!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:49, closed)

Oi!
Leave my goats out of it!
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:50, closed)

@CHCB
Ahahahahaha!

You git. :D

*edit* your goats Kaol? I thought they were al's? Well, beggars can't be choosers.

*unzips*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:50, closed)

Pah!
You think you lot had problems. I was working class during the week and middle class at the weekends. Seriously!!!
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:51, closed)

@Burt
Nah, Al has the infinite monkeys.

@BGB - How does that even work?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:53, closed)

@BGB
'Splain how?

But I wanted to be your goat, Kaol, I only settled for Al's when my deep, strong, feelings for you weren't reciprocated.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:53, closed)

*mindbleach*
That is all.
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:55, closed)

I'm sorry Kaol
I have no idea why I pick on you with my rampant homosexuality.

Truce?

*holds out hand*
*hides chloroform behind back*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:57, closed)

Well, I'll explain.
My dads side of the family were working class northerners and we lived on a council estate in Blackburn, Lancshire. My mum's side of the family were well-to-do middle class from Germany. So during the week we had very broad Lancashire accents but still my class mates thought I was posh. When I went to see my maternal grandparents we were admonished for not speaking correctly and being common etc. Talk about torn in two directions. It's only attending Polytecnic that caterpulted me more towards being middle class. Well, that and when I started using balsamic vinigar in my cooking.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 15:59, closed)

I don't know
You loan a man a monkey, and he goes and has sex with a goat and a clean shaven bioethicist instead.

Some people
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:00, closed)

Al
How do you know I had a shave this morning?

*fears*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:01, closed)

@al
I almost cried with laughter when I read that message!

@BGB, broken family home = instant working classishness, unless the newly formed family use a double-barrelled surname.

Yours sincerely,

Bert Monkeysextington-smythe.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:02, closed)

@Bert
... or unless the surname happens to be "Windsor"...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)

there was
a study carried out by some uni last year on class and surnames.

My surname?

outranked by 97% of the population; Irish peasant stock.

Nice.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:07, closed)

My Mum married so many times
that I have a choice of surnames I can use! Yay me!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:10, closed)

@CHCB
But how many Irish peasants can rightfully claim to be the new friggin' messiah of their own church of self loving? And how many can claim to be a Whoopin' Hoopin' Paint Stripper? And how many have come up with their own range of interior decor colouration?

Not many I can tell you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:11, closed)

^
YOu're right! You're so very right! I'm not outranked by 97% of the population, I'm unique(ish)!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:12, closed)

@al
Well there's friggin'messiahWhoopin' Hoopin'PaintStripper O'Shaunessy for a start.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:14, closed)

^
that bitch? She couldn't turn on a light switch let alone a crowd of bored businessmen.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:17, closed)

Dammit Bert
I was just trying to make the girl feel better. You always have to go and bring up friggin'messiahWhoopin'Hoopin'PaintStripper O'Shaunessy and ruin everything.

Edit - that's the last time you get a clean monkey from me
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:17, closed)

NOOOoooooooooOOO!!!!
*prefers his monkeys sullied anyway*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:20, closed)

*sullies a monkey*
*passes it to Bert*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:21, closed)

that explains the gestures


Don't look, don't listen, don't get it in your mouth.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:23, closed)

Just how do you sully a monkey?
and @CHCB ...she? So that's why I wasn't sore afterwards.
Well, you live and learn.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:23, closed)

I think you'll find
Don't get it in my eyes, it stings like a b*stard

I'm not swallowing, that's just gross

and

Don't get it in my f***ing hair, it takes ages to wash it out!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:24, closed)

^
Yeah, I hate the way it goes all sticky and crusty and -

oh. yeah. I'm sure that's what it's like.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:26, closed)

CHCB
just how long do you have to leave it in your hair for it to get crusty? It's not a natural leave-in conditioner you know!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

there's no way I can answer that
in a non-incriminating manner
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:32, closed)

Maybe you could answer it
in the style of a readers letter from an *ahem* colourful magazine?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:34, closed)

CHCB
is the new Cameron Diaz!
Only better in every way.
I'll get started on the remake 'There's something about crackhouseceilidhband' now, we'll have to include sex dungeons, wanking wednesdays, hair-spaffing incidents, and NO Ben Stiller.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

^^^
Don't forget to include Shit on your chest Saturday, it's my favourite day of the week!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:39, closed)

Just when I was thinking
'al couldn't possibly lower the tone now, we've been at a fairly consistent low-level of smut for a while'
He goes and does it again.
Every. Time.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:42, closed)

See...
I find that when it gets in your hair it can...

Nah nevermind.

Dammit, I go to take photos of some iron rollers that crushed a mans fingers, and I miss stuff again!
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:44, closed)

I don't think I can live up to myself
in real life.

So I'll just stay on b3ta forever.

Although I'm thinking about a QOTW get-together in late May/early June. You'd have to bring your own monkeys though. And goats.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:44, closed)

....
Goats, eh? Or goatse?


*goes home*
*Bye!*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:47, closed)

...
and swim across the irish sea?

*edit* Bye Enzy! You taught me alot about myself today ;D
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:47, closed)

^
nope, no swimming required. I'm currently a West Country Girl.

Bye, Enzyme. Off you go to find your dress. I have a nice pink one I can lend you, if you like? It has a wine stain on the front though because I was wearing it when drunk and I fell backwards through a door while holding a glass of wine.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:49, closed)

*Doffs hat at Bert*
Anytime Ma'am, anytime.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:51, closed)

Well
I for one would be mightily up for a meet-up.

Although London would be preferable... Due to lack of car.

*shrugs*

Someone has to come and be the sensible one at least...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:52, closed)

^^backwards through door...
...a la Del Trotter? This I'd LOVE to see!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:53, closed)

@Kaol
'they' have trains from London to the hick towns of the South West. As hick towns go I live in quite a nice one and it has 2 (two!) cheap youth hostels in it, innit.

@Edmund - yes, and I didn't spill a drop. And I was partially attached to the bride's brother at the time. And only one person saw me fall, though dammit, they told everyone.

Edit: obviously I spilled a drop otherwise the dress wouldn't be stained.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:54, closed)

CHCB
You are the Norn Irish Bridget Jones.

Al, you are the geordie Fred West :D

Kaol, you are the new irritating little man that sits next to the honey monster crimping in that new advert that I hate. ;D
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 16:54, closed)

@CHCB
are you in Exeter? I'm trying to work out if I can be bothered to look up the YHA website to work out which town you're in :)

As for dress-spillage, have you ever been bodily lifted from the ground and spun around without spilling a drop (this image brought to you by our friends at Centrifugal Force.com)?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:00, closed)

@chcb
Excellent, it shall be done, unless the date clashes with something more important, like my own funeral, or the birth of my cloned army of super-mutants (which is a story for another day).

@Burt: 10 points for the Fred West name-drop.
-10 points for not giving me a title...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:01, closed)

Don't tell him CHCB!
He might be one of those paedophile-immigrants I keep hearing about!

*edit* damn you Kaol! Damn you and your rules!
I'm going home for a bit of self-Myra Hindleying.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:01, closed)

@Bert
Is that a quote from Lock Stock?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:03, closed)

@Edmund
I wouldn't know, sorry, I don't watch any of those crap Guy Ritchie fake saath east lahndahn films.

*Edit* It's gone quiet again...

*Parties like it were 1999*
2000 zero zero party over, oops out of time...
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:05, closed)

ah, class wars
I wondered how a cointreau story (even a genuinely entertaining chcb story) made 71 replies!

All this "shaaattt it youuuu schlaaaaaagg" talk has reminded me...

Defendant in the mags this week maintained he hadn't punched his partner, just "pushed his fist against her face".

In cross examination, he said "nah, cos if I punched 'er right, she'd be fuckin' spark out on the floor, innit? I mean, she saw this *waves enormous tattooed fist*, and she KNEW she was gettin' it".


I was in a courtroom full of people, and *i* felt scared!
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:46, closed)

I do apologise for thread drift
Those... those... weirdos keep hijacking all my posts. Completely unwarranted! They write rude things and even I am shocked.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 17:48, closed)

^^^
A thousand apologies for allowing the thread to drift ... please forgive your most humble servant and devotee to the cult of CHCB-ness...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 18:49, closed)

This was a thread about cointreau?
Oh yes, so it was, who would have thought it.

Incidentally, if there is a west country meet up, June is better for me as I'm a bit busy in May.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 20:47, closed)

I bloody hate school holidays
Here am I spending 'quality time' with my offspring (quality time also equates to screaming at them as we're all being forcibly ejected from Sainburys as we've managed to break one of the Self Scan tills) instead of 'working'.
Meanwhile you lot are discussing homemade alcohol, the class system and getting together with animals in the West Country.
Homemade alcohol - my dad once tried this when I was a child. I didn't have any and no funny anecdotes are to be had.
The class system - I was middle class during the week - private convent school. Working class during the weekend - policeman's daughter - I was on a scholarship to the school.
Animals in the West Country - sign me up.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 22:41, closed)