Difficult question.
I *have* been a teenager after all, so the list of stupid things I have done is quite long. Here's a recent (mid-30s) one though.

I build models. No, not the Linda Evangelista type, and not the Airfix type. I take raw materials and carve/bend/shape.

I'll work any material I can get my hands on. Wood, plastics, metal... whatever. And I'll build whatever comes to mind. There's a load of reasons for this, but the most important one here is that it gives me something else to do other than drink in the evenings.

Many of you will have been there. The slope from boredom to alcoholism is attactively steep, isn't it? And if like me you just can't switch off in the evening, there's comfort to be found in the bottom of the bottle.

It slows you down. It removes that hard-earned stress. It lets you sleep.

So that's why you can find me at 10pm using a bandsaw, or a Dremel(tm) or a drill. And not drinking.

There's a flaw in the logic though. Here it is.

"Drunk people will suddenly get the inspiration to do something - no matter how dangerous or stupid."

Half six on a sunny, summer afternoon. I'd just washed and waxed my car, and then the missus' motor, while enjoying a six-pack of Stella. I changed clothes then plonked myself in front of the idiot box. Out the corner of my eye, I could see the model I was currently building. And in my mind's eye, I could see the small modification what needed to be done.

It wasn't difficult. It wasn't something that required all the skills I have learned in the last ten years.

But it was something that needed me to be sober. I wasn't.

Not-so-random fact: Did you know that cyano-acrylite - also known as Superglue - was invented as a field suture/stitch for soldiers? It can seal a wound faster than you can say "Oh God - I've stuck my bollocks to my leg!!!"

I had none. I didn't need it for this job.

I looked at the model. I saw the grain. I honoured the balsa tree that had given its life to my hobby by contemplating how I would apply the knife.



I slipped...



I cut...




...right through my left hand. Down into the bone.

After the OhNoSecond had passed, blood started to *pump* out of my mangled paw. I applied paper towels with little effect. They turned red and soggy almost immediately. I applied more paper towels and fixed them with maskng tape. They fell off as my traitorous heart pumped the red stuff through my arteries.

In shock, I phoned the missus, who was at her parent's house. "Does... does your dad have any Superglue?"

I like to blame myself for the fact that it took her half an hour to get home with it. Maybe I didn't stress the urgency.

In the end I found an old bottle of the stuff, cut it open with a hacksaw and got enough out to seal the wound before she got home. Empty-handed.

"Dad's had dried out!" she said.




I don't dare tell her how close she was to claiming on the insurance policy. I still have no feeling in two fingers (middle and ring) on my left hand.
(Guizmeaux, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:41, Reply)

Fail Mermaid
My favorite toy to play with when I went swimming was this wire-frame rubber Little Mermaid doll. She had freaking awesome poseable limbs, and sometimes the wire would break out of the rubber and I'd stab myself, and my mom would have to buy me a new one.

Well, one day when I was at the lake, this huge wave came up, knocked me down, and knocked Ariel out of my hand.

I freaked out, dove under the water, and started looking. Somehow, in that moment, I was very convinced that I could breathe under water, just like Ariel did in the movie.

Mom and I had a little chat about fantasy and reality that night.
(???????????????, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:41, Reply)

shit
dumbest thing i ever did was forget to post my favourite ever prank in last weeks QOTW.

Release 2 sheep into a large campus. Make sure one of the sheep has the number 1 painted on it, and the other is painted with number 3.

Someone will spend a very long time looking for number 2.

Sorry. But see what I did there? It was dumb, it counts.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:36, Reply)

Not me.....
... But my besterist mate Aid jump started his car into a tree.... guess it stepped out on him... just like the time my house did when I drove into it. Oooops. But to myself... running up a flight of stairs and thinking there was an extra step at the top... unable to levitate yet I twisted my ankle and fell over. Breaking my arm. The bump on my head hurt a bit too.
(apatao, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:34, Reply)

oo another one
I worked in a foundry for a while as a metallurgist. One of my jobs was to test the metal before it was poured. This involved collecting samples and running them through various tests including a strength test. You place a newly poured bar into a machine with two jaws and let it slowly pull the bar until it snaps. Never put your hand on the piston I was told.

One day I forgot to remove my hand from the piston and saw the jaw rise up and through my finger taking a nice chunk out with surprisingly little pain. Still have a piece of finger missing over 20 years later.
(Tyrion, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:33, Reply)

easily distracted idiot
A while ago, while still living with my parents, I got out of the bath, toweled up and strolled to my room. While wandering around looking for Y's, socks etc and toweling myself dry I happened upon a bottle of lighter fluid I'd been meaning to look for. I'd bought a huge Zippo for a laugh (I dont even smoke) and as usual its fluid had all evaporated through being left unused for weeks. Being a guy and easily distracted by gadgets, I decided to fill it up there and then. In the buff.

Anyway, I filled that huge sucker to the brim, put it back together and sparked it up. WHOOMF! The entirety of the mega-zippo and my hand are engulfed in bright blue flames, and like a screaming girly I dropped the bloody thing like the hot potato it had become. Right in my lap. WHOOOOMF! My undercarriage and towel go up like a flare. Alternately cursing and screaming I proceed to leap around my bedroom, smacking myself about in an attempt to put out the fires with equally petrol-sodden hands and only succeed in spreading the disaster.

All that would have been bad enough, had not the screams and commotion immediately alerted my Mum and Aunt who were downstairs at the time having a fag. They rushed up to help and burst in to the room, only to be met with the picture of a young man beating his flaming undercarriage while leaping in the air cursing and screaming at the top of his lungs. Try living that down at the family party every New Year.
(The Axeman, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:29, Reply)

I Also Fell Over
In my own piss once while pissed and camping.

In my defence, it was dark and I was on a hill.

Tell me someone else has done that too....
(TuftyBee should have been working on, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:20, Reply)

I wish I could claim that I was a spacker.
Oh god.

When I was 8, I had a shitload of those Polly Pocket toys. For those of you who don't know, these are little plastic doll houses/cases that would fold open and present a bunch of choking hazards. Some of these were elaborate enough that they had little lights inside.

One day I was wondering the old thing about whether the light in the fridge is on when it's closed - just about one of these Polly Pocket toys. I thought about it for a while, and decided that the best way to find out would be to somehow be able to see inside it while it was closed. I thought about it a while more, and decided that the best thing to do would be to close the thing on my tongue. I mean, then my tongue would be inside it, right?

Fun fact about Polly Pockets: they have this clasp so that they close with the grip of death. My tongue was IN the clasp, and I couldn't get it open without hurting myself more. Sweet jesus, you don't know pain.

I didn't tell anyone about this incident until I was 18.


I also got my lip pierced a few months back, which my dad considered to be the stupidest thing I ever did to myself. When he first saw it, he stared for a while with that "whatever floats your boat" look. He didn't say anything until a few days later at dinner.
Him: "do you have a napkin?"
Me: "yeah"
Him: "Good, 'cause you got something on your lip"
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:19, 1 reply)

ouch
I used to work as a labourer when I first got married (anything to get money) and a group of us were always trying to see who could lift more, carry more, throw more etc than the other. So one day a couple of thousand bricks arrive and a contest to see who can get the most in a barrow and still move without bursting the tyre ensues. I have no idea how many I had in (must have been over 100 stacked stupidly high), but as I lifted the barrow, it started to tip, catching me in the handles. Fate obviously didn't think this was humiliating enough so placed a skip beside me.

Great fun for those watching, not so much for me being trapped in the handles of a barrow against the side of a skip with broken ribs.

I'm on nice smiley painkillers at the moment due to spraining both ankles 2 weeks ago during training and continuing to run on them for a further 8 days running 1.5 to 2 miles a session until I can barely walk due to the damage. Great way to get ready for a fitness test.
(Tyrion, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:16, Reply)

Three Days After My 18th
I ran across the road outside my house in heels and fell over. Cue me, sitting in the middle of the road insisting I'm ok, I'll just sit here for a few minutes, I'm fine...

Limped inside to discover that my ankle was roughly the size on an apple.

Found out I'd sprained it. Couldn't walk for a week. Still limping a bit when I've been sat on it.

And I still haven't learnt not to run in heels.
(TuftyBee should have been working on, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 19:14, Reply)

I had an N-Gage
Kill me now.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:54, 2 replies)

Doors don't like me
When I was younger I walked head on into an open door pretending I was sleep walking.

I once walked into an automatic door thinking it had already open

I always, always without fail, push/pull the door the wrong way when theres a choice.

The door for my dads house has the weird lock which wont open for me even when I do the right thing! (pull the door towards you, put key in, twist, lift up and push, then turn handle)

I caught my cats head in the garage door by accident the other day... she seemed ok (one for a previous QOTW)

There are probably a couple more i cant remember... Not really related to the question really, is it?
(DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:45, Reply)

To prove I had a high pain threshold
I decided to show off and put cigarettes out on my arm - I now have a nice long row of round scars.... nice.
( SiX and his hat, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:43, Reply)

I bought a VW Phaeton
fucking money pit
(Chopper3, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:43, Reply)

i also once removed my toe nail with a garden edger
by accident... that was fun
)the one that looks like a 1/2 moon spade(
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:20, Reply)

i bent my leg the wrong way whilst walking up the stairs
(16 months of pysio and its only starting to feel a bit better)
oh and i fell off my push bike ALOT - and over taken a car at 43mph in 30mph zone (and couldnt stop at the junction and jumped a "stop" sign!) :o
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:18, Reply)

Tom & Jerry
I once stood on a garden rake to see if it worked the same way as it does in the cartoons. That is to say, to see if it would snap upwards, smack me in the face with the same force and texture of a baseball bat and knock me out cold.

It does.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:17, 5 replies)

Dumb Thing #3 - Oh Canada...
I lived for a short time in Canada and in the time I learned a very important lesson. Do not urinate against metal bins... ever! One cold, dark and wintery night I was merrily making my way home from the local bar and then I nature calling to me... big mistake! I was later taken to hospital by the police with a bin lid frozen to my penis.
(mr sheep is down stairs with empty maple syrup jar, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:15, Reply)

Dumb Thing #2 - The Sound of Music
As a teenager I put my electric stereo in the bathroom so I could listen to some music whilst I had a bath. When I got out I splashed the radio with water, I bounced across the room, singed all the hair on my body leaving me with no hair for a few weeks. I don't know I survived that one.
(mr sheep is down stairs with empty maple syrup jar, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:09, 1 reply)

Dumb Thing #1 - Fire is Fun!
When I was in the Territorial Army I was burning rubbish in the front yard by the vechicals. Upon placing several boxes into the bin and burning them I placed a box of AA batteries in too and a bit of paraffin, fueling the fire a bit more. Not realising what the possible side effects of igniting batteries could cause I leant over the bin and all I can remember was a big bang and I was left standing covered in soot. The only thing that protected my eyes was my glasses; I could have passed as an extra for the Black and White Minstrel Show.
(mr sheep is down stairs with empty maple syrup jar, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:08, Reply)

The most stupid thing I ever did
Was kayak the Aberglaslyn gorge, in winter, but all turned out well.
(lordy lordy, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:07, Reply)

Lacking that much needed ingredient........common sense!
Being that I am a pleb at the bottom of a large DIY consortium, it is my duty to do the heavy lifting, general moving of things, and getting injured...need I say more?

It just so happened on one of these such occasions that I, being conscious of those around me, attempted to watch where I was going reversing about 1 tonne of flooring with a pump truck.

This particular day was one of celebration...I had kicked off my steel toe cap boots the night before, and had opted for a comfy pair of trainers (A picture is forming now).

Imagine if you will, me (try to make me dashing and whatnot?!) walking backwards, watching out for old folk stalking the aisles for bargains when, at just that moment, one seemingly does a genie from the lamp on me and I try to stop: My large 1 tonne rectangular friend does not.

Ever heard an internal snap? I can only describe it to fellow knuckle-crackers as like cracking your hand on your head so you feel it through you but, feeling your 3rd and 4th toes becoming vertical and snapping bone in a clean line with, oh hell lets push the boat out, shit-loads of pain.

I then did what a man's man would do in that situation.....whimpered.

That you may think, ranks fairly highly as accidental stupidity....are you in for a treat. It must be only men and a few at that, that for some...unkown Darwinian joke of a reason that we lack common sense.

3 weeks later and I am Spring-Heeled Jack, enjoying to the full my new found mobility.
When, in work, I have a thought...What if it happens again? What if it is the same foot? As I could only guess and so can you, I hope, see the only possible sure fired test of safety. I would have to run over my foot again.
Now I am driven by curiosity aswell. Would the steel toe cap boot have saved me...? So many questions.

Now, the rules are
1. You do not talk about Fight Club!
2. Location must be the same.
3. Weight must be the same.
4. Lets see what happens...

I watched in horror as the pallet began to move. Slowly but surely it gathers speed and momentum, crawling then inching then with speed of it's own..........................
The relief washed over me in an immense way. My foot, protected, nurtured by that blister causing boot slid back with the weight and was stalwart in the face of the unstoppable force:
My toes sung joyously in disbelief, I was safe.
(AnOrangePenguin I farted in a phylactery once...., Thu 20 Dec 2007, 18:06, Reply)

Im Superman
when i was about 10 years old me and a few mates went down to our local park on our bikes. victoria park again... feeling a jack the lad as most ten year olds do i was riding along to road, turned the corner and pedalled down Clarendon park road to the zebra crossing and immediately swung out to cross ( without looking) a car hit my back tire. My bike and I backflipped onto the Bonnet, i remember it as if it were yesterday, i saw four frames in slow motion, me looking up, back, down and forward as I bounced upon the cars hood. My best friends little brother just happened to be there with his mum and shouted "Look Mum its Superman!!" as I flopped down sideways onto the road (still on my bike i might add), i managed to get up with no broken bones or anything serious, just a few grazes and a coupe of hours down in leicester royal infirmary.
( Kingtoke was shit at life on, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:54, Reply)

Persistance nearly got me killed.
Or maimed. Or burned to death.

I kept dropping a lighted match in to a bottle of surgical spirit. I didn't understand why there was a "whoom" noise as the intensity of the lighting blew out the match.

After four attempts to light a full bottle I realised that perhaps that wasn't the most intelligent thing to do.

And tried to make a bomb instead.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:52, Reply)

I'm Batman
when i was a nipper, around 6 or 7 years old, i went to my local park in leicester, victoria park for those who know it. there used to be a rainbow shaped climbing frame in the kids play park before they demolished it and built a safe version. ie without a concrete playing surface. as was great fun with kids of the day i climbed up the inside of the climbing frame and then hung on with my legs upside down. hanging just by my legs i turned to my mum and her friend and shouted "look mum i'm batman!" and leg go. I really wasnt batman and I hit my head knocking myself out! I really didnt enjoy the trip to the hospital afterwards.
( Kingtoke was shit at life on, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:47, Reply)

Imagine if you will
the effect of strapping four packs of softened butter the to feet of a new born giraffe and letting it loose on a freshly polished floor.

Now substitute "socks" for "butter" and "4 year old Rakky" for "giraffe".

Lucky there was a plate glass window there to break my fall, eh.

Nnnngggg...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:47, 1 reply)

Young, drunk and been dared
is a good way to get seriously hurt.

I worked in an amusement park when I was in high school, back in the days when the drinking age was 18. So one night some of my co-workers and I were out drinking and someone came up with the idea of climbing into the park. As it was past 1:00 am and we were all a bit loopy, we all agreed that this sounded great- so we went with our respective girlfriends and climbed over the chain link fence.

Then someone had the idea to go down the Sky Slide.

You know those big-ass slides where you have to sit in a sack and you go whizzing down a little channel and end up at the bottom skidding to a halt on a carpet covered deck just before you hit the railing around said deck? Yeah. One of those.

We get our sacks and start climbing. One guy reaches over and says, "Hey! The slide's wet from the dew! We can't slide on this!"

"Sure we can!" pipes up the future mechanical engineer. "These sacks have a plastic coating on the top side. Flip them upside down and we'll hydroplane!"

We get to the top and I show them what I meant with the sacks, and we all get into our respective little channels. "Right, here I go!" yelled one of my companions, and shoved off. I saw him hit the first drop off and get airborne, and felt the adrenaline rush. "Hell yeah!" I followed him with a huge grin on my face.

Had I waited a second longer, I never would have done it, as I would have heard him hit.

I hit the big drop off and found myself several inches above the track. The slide then came up to slap against me hard as I reached the bottom, about crushed me as I whipped up along the next rise, then dropped away from me as I flew through the air above the landing area. I hit the wooden railing and lay moaning next to the other guy for a brief instant- until we heard the sounds of the other guys coming and rolled out of the way just in time.

Cue three more drunken twats pulling a Wiley Coyote into the railing.

None of us were seriously injured, but we all limped a bit for the next couple of days...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:38, Reply)

snorting pepper
it was one of those stupid things kids did in school in the 80s. Maybe drugs wern't all that common or hard to come by then? Who can tell.

Well, we'd got bored of the hyperventilate-until-you-pass-out game so we stole a pepper shaker from the dinner hall and spent the rest of dinner hour snorting handfulls, making us sneeze almost to the point of passing out.

In retrospect, sniffing glue would probably have been a lot safer. I've no idea what the long-term effects of pepper on the sinuses are, but I always generate snot like a bastard when I've got a cold.
(evilbert has his nob out under the desk., Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:37, Reply)

Reallywittyname reminds me (seems to be doing a lot of that recently...)
When I was little, I used to play with motors, batteries and the like a lot. I had just learnt that the speed of the motor was governed by, amongst other things, the voltage applied to it (yes, that young). I had this one motor from a toy airboat, with a fan attached, and it just wasn't producing enough wind for my liking (IIRC I was trying to move a mobile on my ceiling with it on the ground).

"I know", I thought, a 9 volt cell will make it go quicker than these two lowly 1.5 volt cells. And it did, but still not enough.

"I know", I thought, I'll wire it up to the socket. 240v should really do the trick. I held the two bits of wire to the motor, one with each hand, and slowly moved the wire towards the socket, carefully making each wire go into either side of the socket...

Nothing. Closer inspection of the socket revealed two little pieces of plastic just inside the live and neutral holes. Bugger. "So how does a plug fit?" I wondered. Cue some experiments and I find that the odd-shaped bit of plastic in the earth hole pushed the guards in the other holes down and out of the way. "That'll be why the earth pin is longer" I smugly guessed, "to push the guard out of the way before those two pins get to it".

"I know" I thought, holding the two bits of bare-ended wire over the holes, one over each, as I inserted plug to hold them in place. Perfect. Now all I had to do was squeeze the other ends together onto the contact of my motor an... BANG!

Next thing I know was being on the other side of the room. I went back to inspect the damage and found two badly melted pieces of wire which I hastily hid. I'm still not sure to this day which of several things saved my life. Was it: the fact that I had used one hand to complete the circuit, rather than two which would have created a path across my heart? The fact that the wire was extremely thin and crappy and burned through like a slow-blow fuse? Sheer luck? I think probably a little of all three.
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Thu 20 Dec 2007, 17:31, Reply)